Though Lovers Be Lost, Love Shall Not
by KiannaKitter
Summary: Kurt and Blaine meet on a plane from New York to Ohio and are equally taken with each other; their connection and chemistry is instant and they share something really special. But the timing is not right and they part ways. Years down the line the star-crossed lovers meet again but will the timing be right this time?
1. Chapter 1

**Author note: So as usual I don't know where this is going. And I am not gonna promise to update on any regular basis either. I am a fickle writer who doesn't have the best track record with multi-chapter stories; I'll usually lose inspiration and abandon them eventually. I do better with one shots. I'm the type of writer who can go months without writing anything and then suddenly I'll sit up all night and something like this happens. It's really out of my control. Sorry. So read and follow if you like, but don't expect too much. Keep in mind though that reviews may inspire me to write more ;)**

November 25th 2014 - Very early morning hours: Flight 490 from New York, NY to Columbus, Ohio. Blaine POV.

Blaine couldn't stop staring. The man was gorgeous. Simply put. There was no other way to describe him. He had noticed this marvelous creature the moment he sat down in the row across from his - which was almost half an hour ago and he had been ogling him shamelessly ever since. Seriously, he knew his obsession with this guy was dangerously close to reaching an Edward Cullen level of creepiness, but he just couldn't help himself. How could he not admire what was right in front of him, it wasn't often that utter perfection walked in. And it wasn't like he had anything better to do anyway, he knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep with how loud the man in the seat next to him was snoring. Might as well enjoy the scenery - or that's what he told himself.

This man was tall, lean and slightly muscled - the black suit he wore fit him like a glove - _who wears suits on a plane though?_ And showed off his broad shoulders at the same time. Clearly he worked out. His skin was pale and almost radiant, completely blemish free and looked smooth like marble; Blaine really wanted to touch it, but of course he did have some self-control. He looked to be around Blaine's own age, maybe nineteen or twenty. His hair was a kind of auburn shade of brown, there was definitely a very tiny hint of red in there. The guy wasn't a redhead, but Blaine wouldn't be surprised if he had ginger ancestors somewhere in the family tree, that would explain the pale skin too and he secretly wondered if skin like that would freckle in the sun. He really really wanted to find out. It wasn't without some jealously that he admired how the straight silky locks came together in a neatly groomed coif on the man's head. He would kill for hair like that. Blaine hated his curls so he drowned them in gel to keep them subdued.

He let his eyes wander to the man's face. His lips were a pale rosy color and not chapped in the least, they looked so soft and kissable. He had bone-structure to die for; all high cheekbones, a strong clean-shaven jaw and an unusual upturned but cute nose in the middle that somehow just fit the rest of his face. He couldn't see his eyes because they were closed. Which was the only reason Blaine hadn't been caught staring yet. Subtlety wasn't a skill he possessed. But what he could see was the man's incredibly long brown eyelashes fanning his cheeks. And seriously, who had natural lashes like that?! This level of attractiveness should be illegal. It simply wasn't fair to the rest of the human race.

Blaine was worried though. The man had looked exhausted when he arrived and had promptly put his bag in the overhead compartment, sat down without making eye-contact with anyone, buckled himself in and gone to sleep. Of course, it was late - or early, depending on how you looked at it, but there had been such an urgency and desperation to it that seemed like more than just basic fatigue. It was almost like his reality was weighing him down and he just wanted to escape into peaceful slumber for a while. But as Blaine observed him he looked anything but peaceful. He had started to twitch a little and his knuckles were turning white from gripping the seat so tightly in his sleep. Whatever he was dreaming, it couldn't be anything pleasant and Blaine decided to wake him up before it got any worse.

Getting up from his own seat he kneeled down next to the man, gently trying to shake him awake.

"Hey." He tried, softly. Too softly. Because the man didn't wake. Instead his agitation seemed to worsen and his lips parted to let a tiny whimper escape. So Blaine shook him harder, raised his voice a bit more and unconsciously leaned in closer to the man's face.

"Hey, hey. Come on. Wake up."

Suddenly the man's eyes flew open, wild and unfocused and a soft gasp fell from his lips. It took him only a fraction of a second to register that someone was too close to him, touching him and he flinched away from the touch. But Blaine was too mesmerized by the man's eyes to notice. They were a mixed shade that seemed to change from blue to gray to green with the lighting, right now they were stormy gray and so full of sadness that they made Blaine want to hug him until he felt better. There was a name for eyes like that. _Glasz_ , Blaine thought. Naturally it was right during this realization that he finally noticed he was invading the man's personal space, his face too close for comfort and he pulled back. The man seemed frozen, just staring right back at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Then he opened his mouth.

"What are you doing?" It wasn't accusatory, he seemed more baffled than anything.

And _oh my God_ , Blaine thought. That voice. High and clear, like crystal bells. He felt like he could listen to it forever and never get sick of it. _Oh right, he's talking to you. You better answer._ "Sorry, um...I...I...eh...well...it seemed like you were...um...having a nightmare and I thought it best to...eh...wake you up, ya know, before you...um...woke the rest of the plane up." _Well done, Blaine. Excellent first impression, first you crowd him and then you stammer your way through a simple sentence like a first class moron. Bravo._

He wanted to sink into the floor or maybe melt with the walls or something. To just disappear. Even though he didn't really understand why he was this embarrassed and disappointed in himself. It wasn't like this situation was unusual, he always got nervous talking to guys. Especially really pretty boys. Damn this man and his overwhelming beauty. It turned Blaine's brain into goo and messed with his ability to communicate like a normal person. He blushed and suddenly found a spot on the carpet he was now sitting on, very interesting. Too interesting. He started picking at a loose thread.

"Oh. Thank you then. I guess." When he finally looked up the man was smiling at him and it was the most breathtaking sight he had ever seen. Blaine was sure he was as red as a tomato by now. "I'm Kurt, by the way." The man, Kurt...and didn't that name just fit perfectly like everything else about him, offered his hand to shake and Blaine took it, noticing the almost electric current that ran through him as soon as their fingers connected. _Did he feel that too?_ If he did he made no indication. Kurt's skin was as smooth as he had imagined, he must moisturize Blaine figured although he wouldn't be surprised if he had actually been born with skin like that. If anyone could pull that off, it would be this angel.

"Nice to meet you, Kurt." He tried the name out on his tongue, rolled the R a bit and liked it. "My name's Blaine."

"Blaine? As in Pretty in Pink, Blaine?" Kurt asked and Blaine could just die from the way his named sounded on those lips.

"Yeah, my mom kinda had a thing for Andrew McCarthy." Blaine shrugged. "I know it's not really a common name..."

"No, it's not." Kurt interrupted. "But I like it. It suits you. You don't seem like a common guy, Blaine." Kurt flashed him another smile.

 _He likes my name! And he doesn't find me ordinary?! Wait, is he flirting with me?_ Could this guy really be gay? Did Blaine actually have a chance? Sure, his gaydar had given off a loud ping when he first laid eyes on him: the man was not exactly feminine, but he was delicate looking like a china doll and very put together, of course that didn't have to mean anything and God knows Blaine had been wrong before. He was however still flailing like a fangirl on the inside and wanted to keep the conversation going at all cost so he asked the first thing that came to mind.

"So, if you don't mind me asking. What were you dreaming about just now?" Kurt's expression fell and Blaine regretted asking. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked, it's too personal."

"No no, it's okay. But don't you want to come up here and sit next to me, the floor can't be comfortable for you and I kinda feel like I am talking to a toddler." Kurt patted the empty seat next to him and Blaine cheered internally. "I'm also a little bit afraid the flight attendant is gonna run you over with her cart at any moment." Kurt added, his eyes now bright blue and twinkling with humor and Blaine chuckled. Of course Mr. Perfect was clever and funny too.

"Sure. I'll sit by you." He accepted the help he was given as Kurt pulled him up and tried hard to ignore the way their hands fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces. Blaine sat down and turned towards Kurt, who was already facing him, their eyes locked and Blaine felt like he could drown in those expressive blue pools. "You don't have to answer, you know. If you don't want to." He didn't want to pressure Kurt in any way.

Kurt just smiled warmly at him for a moment. "You're very sweet, Blaine." Then the smile vanished and he stared out the window at the clouds rolling by with a far away look before he set his sight on Blaine again. Kurt hadn't taken his eyes off him for more than a second, but it had felt like an eternity, Blaine already craved those eyes on him at all times. Then Kurt continued. "And I know. But this is probably something I should talk about. With someone who's not emotionally involved." He sighed and Blaine was as intrigued as he was worried, it sounded serious. When Kurt didn't say anything else Blaine spoke up, he wanted to win this man's trust.

"I get what you mean." He said. "Sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger about things. That's why we have shrinks."

"You wouldn't happen to be a licensed therapist by any chance, would you? Because I think I'm in need of one." Kurt joked but there was a hint of seriousness in his eyes.

"Nah, sorry. But I happen to be an excellent listener if you need to vent?" He offered. _Please talk to me._

Kurt gave him a long look and Blaine felt like those eyes could see right through him into his very soul. He didn't know what exactly the other male was looking for, but he sensed it was a test of some sort and when Kurt sighed resignedly, he figured he'd passed. Still Kurt didn't open up. Instead he looked down wringing his hands together nervously in his lap and Blaine really wanted to reassure him that he'd meant what he said. Normally he wouldn't be this forward, but there was just something about this man that brought it out in him. He took a deep breath before gently laying a hand on top of Kurt's, just hoping and praying he wasn't overstepping and Kurt wouldn't pull away. When he didn't Blaine started to stroke his knuckles in an attempt to stop the fidgeting. And it worked. They sat like that in silence; leaning towards each other, staring into each others eyes with their foreheads almost touching and it felt so intimate to Blaine. He just hoped he wasn't the only one feeling it.

"I lost my brother last week, the dream was about him." Kurt suddenly blurted out, his eyes back to that sad stormy gray and Blaine realized those Glasz eyes didn't change color with the lighting, they changed with Kurt's emotions. They were literally a mirror of whatever Kurt was feeling. He was already learning so much about this man and it thrilled him to the core; like how his eyes were mostly blue, but when he was sad they were gray. He wondered what it would take to turn them green. Then Kurt's words registered and he felt awful.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry." This explained so much though. The exhaustion he had sensed in Kurt, the sadness in his eyes and the need to just let go for a while and forget. Kurt was in mourning. "Yeah." Kurt breathed. Clearly on the verge of tears. "So am I." Blaine squeezed his hand a little tighter. _I'm here._

"Can I ask...?" Blaine hesitated a little. "What happened?" Kurt nodded vaguely.

"It was a brain aneurysm. Finn...that's his name...was his name...," Kurt corrected himself with wet eyes. "He just collapsed one day, the doctors couldn't explain it, they just said that sometimes things like this happen and that it could have been a result of his high school football days. He was a quarterback after all and took quite a few hits to the head, maybe he took one too many. But we'll never really know." He paused, his gaze seemingly fixed on nothing before he snapped out of it and continued. "Anyway, I'm on my way to Ohio for his memorial. That's why I am wearing this suit, I am going straight there from the airport to help my parents with the last of the arrangements before anyone else shows up."

"Kurt. I...I don't know what to say...? That's horrible." Blaine felt like an idiot for not noticing how Kurt was actually dressed in black from head to toe and what that might mean. It seemed clear as day now that those were funeral clothes.

"That's life." Kurt said and it hurt Blaine to hear him sound so jaded. "People die. They always die." Kurt continued but Blaine heard it for what it really was; "They always leave me." He really wanted to say something, but he sensed that Kurt wasn't finished so he just waited. And suddenly Blaine didn't feel so nervous around him anymore. This. Them, talking. It felt so natural. Like he could talk to Kurt about anything. Clearly Kurt felt the same because after that the floodgates opened and he kept talking.

"My mom died in a car crash when I was eight and now eleven years later I lose Finn. He wasn't even twenty, he hadn't lived yet. How is this fair?" Blaine did the math quickly in his head. So Kurt was nineteen, only a year older than him. He filed that information in the back of his head and returned to listening. "At least my dad's still alive. He had a heart attack when I was sixteen, back when I was bullied badly - it took a toll on him - and he ended up in a coma for a week, but he pulled through, surprisingly." _Jesus Christ_ , Blaine thought. Kurt had been through a lot in his young life. _Can it get any worse?_ "Of course, now he has cancer, so...who knows how long I'll have him?" It could. "I mean...," Kurt mused. "Carole is great at taking care of him and he's responding to treatment, but I feel like it's only a matter of time before I'm an orphan anyway. Because that is what happens, I lose...everyone." Kurt sniffed a little and Blaine's heart broke for him. Kurt had lost almost his entire family at the age of nineteen, Blaine couldn't even begin to imagine it. Sure, he wasn't super close to his parents or Cooper, but he would be absolutely distraught if any of them died.

"Oh, Kurt." Blaine paused to choose his words carefully. "I'm sorry that you've lost so much already. It's not right and it's certainly not fair. But I'm sure your dad will be just fine. You have to have a little faith." Kurt didn't answer, just sniffed a little louder. "Aww. Come here." Blaine pulled him into a hug and the other man melted into his embrace as Blaine rubbed tiny circles on his back. Then something Kurt had said caught his attention. "Wait, who is Carole? I thought your mother died?"

"Carole is my step-mother and Finn's biological mother. I've come to think of her as a second mother though." Kurt mumbled. "She married my dad when I was sixteen and she and Finn moved in with us afterward. Finn was just my step-brother." The way Kurt said it, it sounded like he was trying to downplay his relationship with Finn - like he didn't have the right to feel crushed by the loss because they hadn't been related by blood. Blaine knew he had to set him straight.

"Don't do that, Kurt." Blaine said. "Don't minimize what he meant to you. You are every bit as entitled to your feelings as everyone else is. It doesn't matter that he was just...," And Blaine made air quotations around the word. "Your step-brother. Family is more than what's in your dna. What matters is what's in here." Blaine put his hands on Kurt's chest, over his heart. "You loved him. And it's okay to grieve him." By this point Kurt was openly crying.

"I hurt." He sobbed into Blaine's shoulder. "I hurt so much."

"I know. And it's okay to cry. Just let it all out." Kurt clung to him a little tighter. "But it will get better. As cliche as it sounds, time heals. You'll never forget him, but in time you'll be able to remember him fondly, without the pain." They resumed sitting in silence again while Kurt cried himself out as Blaine held him.

"Thanks, Blaine." He finally said and hiccuped. "How did you get so good at this?"

"I actually have no idea where that came from." He admitted. "I just really wanted to make you feel better."

"You did." Kurt smiled up at him from where his head was still resting on Blaine's shoulder. "I feel lighter now."

"Crying will have that effect on you." Blaine wiped a few tears off Kurt's cheeks with his thumbs.

"Ugh, don't look at me. I'm a mess." Kurt said trying to hide his tear-stained face but Blaine wouldn't let him.

"No. You're beautiful." And just like that Blaine leaned in and kissed him. If he had had his eyes open he would have seen the utter shock on Kurt's face, followed by absolute delight. But all he processed in that moment were the soft warm lips against his, the salty taste of tears and Kurt kissing back.

They kissed for a while, tenderly and sweetly. Without rush. It was perfect. Until Kurt pulled back for air and stared breathlessly at Blaine with sparkling green eyes. _So that's what it takes._ "You are gay?" He asked.

"Yes." Blaine chuckled. "Me kissing you like that wasn't proof enough?"

"Oh, shut up." Kurt said and punched his shoulder lightly, but there was no heat behind it. "You caught me completely off guard and I wasn't sure. In case you don't know, you don't exactly scream gay."

"Really? I thought my bow tie gave it away?" Blaine said, looking at Kurt adoringly, he was so happy.

"Don't stereo-type yourself, Blaine." Kurt scoffed. "The only thing your bow tie give away, is that you are a fabulously stylish individual."

"If you say so, thank you." Blaine smiled.

"I do say so and you're welcome...and I know stylish by the way, I work for Vogue." Blaine's eyes almost popped out of his head at those words.

"Oh my God! I love Vogue. I subscribe to it and everything, I even save every copy I get." He was as excited as a puppy, jumping in his seat, then he kinda froze up. "Wait...wait, wait. Kurt. You work there?" Something was coming together in his head. Vogue and Kurt. Then it hit him. "You're Kurt Hummel."

"The one and only." Kurt blushed, probably at being recognized.

"You write that amazing column on trends every week! I loved the one you did on the bow tie revival." He beamed and Kurt laughed. A sweet tingly sound and Blaine swore right then and there that he would do anything to hear it again.

"Thanks. Of course, you would." He grinned as he let his fingers admire the black and red bow tie around Blaine's neck, then he paused. "This is so weird." He shook his head.

"What is?" Blaine asked and Kurt raised an eyebrow as if to say; "Really, Blaine?" _Uh. Sassy Kurt, I like it._

"This! Us!" Kurt said. "We are basically strangers and here we are on a plane. I'm crying on you, you are kissing me - and we only just met. How does things like that even happen?" Kurt wondered.

"Okay, you have a point there." Blaine conceded. "I don't feel like you're a stranger though. You basically told me your whole life story."

"That's true. But I know nothing about you, except your name."

"Well, Kurt Hummel. All you have to do is ask." Kurt smiled big at that.

"Tell me about yourself."

And so Blaine did. He started talking. About his family, school and The Warblers - they were equally astounded that both of them came from show choir backgrounds and blown away when they realized they had actually crossed paths before. Kurt had seen Blaine. But Blaine had not seen Kurt and he felt a little cheated. He told him about growing up in Westerville, Ohio - which happened to be only two hours away from Lima, Ohio where Kurt grew up, they both marveled at that too. About the bullying and attack he had suffered - to which Kurt could relate to some extent. About wanting to move to New York after graduation and study music. About how he was flying back from New York where he had been apartment hunting - he was ecstatic to learn Kurt already lived there. They talked about anything and everything. And learned they had so much in common. It was like fate.

A while later Kurt started yawning, so Blaine pulled up the arm rest between them and suggested Kurt sleep on him. The other man had been reluctant at first, not wanting to crush him or cross a boundary, but had given in when Blaine used the kicked puppy look on him. They had settled down, Kurt curled up next to him, while Blaine held him tightly and ran a hand though his hair soothingly, to which Kurt only protested weakly. Blaine couldn't help but take a quick whiff though, it smelled of vanilla and coconut. A lovely scent that tickled his senses in the best ways. He had been afraid Kurt would have more bad dreams, but he slept peacefully and Blaine quickly dosed off too. They didn't wake up until the plane was about to touch down at Columbus airport and Kurt was the one to wake up Blaine with a sweet kiss. That was followed by cute bantering about Kurt's hair and Blaine was in heaven.

Once they got off the plane and collected their bags, it was like the spell broke though. They walked through arrivals side by side, but were barely looking at each other, except for shy glances. Blaine knew what he wanted to happen now; he wanted Kurt's number and perhaps a date, but he wasn't sure what Kurt wanted. Maybe this was an: "What happens on the plane, stays on the plane," kind of thing. He didn't know what the protocol was for almost kinda hooking up with a stranger 10.000 feet in the air, for Christ Sake. This had never happened before. He'd never had this kind of instant connection with another person in his life. But that was also the exact reason Blaine knew he had to risk rejection - he couldn't just let Kurt get away. Not when there was a very good chance that he was his soul-mate.

Blaine was working up the nerve to stop Kurt and ask for his number, but as soon at they made it though the doors he heard someone call Kurt's name and a burly looking man in a baseball cap and a small women with red eyes were quickly approaching. Kurt looked at him hurriedly and Blaine could see the question in his eyes: "I guess this is goodbye?" And Blaine wanted more than anything to tell him no, but before he could react he was being dragged away from Kurt by strong hands and a yell of; "Squirt!" Cooper, his big brother always had the worst timing in the world. "Hey, Coop. How many times have I told you not to call me that?" Cooper just shrugged.

Blaine hugged his brother back halfheartedly and looked at Kurt over Cooper's shoulder. He was in the arms of the small woman now, Carole probably, Blaine guessed. No more than ten feet away. Kurt was looking straight back at him with an intensity that was hard to mistake for anything but yearning and Blaine was sure the same look was mirrored in his own desperate gaze. Then Kurt was being let out of the airport by his family and Blaine felt panic rise in his chest. When Cooper finally let go of him Blaine didn't listen to a word he said, instead he stared as Kurt reached the exit and paused briefly to look back at Blaine with regret written all over his face. And Blaine just felt like screaming: "No! Please, don't go!" He wanted to run across the terminal, swoop the man up in his arms, kiss him silly and ask him to be his. But he didn't and as Kurt walked out and the doors closed behind him, Blaine felt like crying. That was the last glimpse he got of Kurt. He wouldn't see his star-crossed crush again for four years.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author note: Well, will you look at that. People asked for a quick update and I delivered. Don't get too used to it though ;)**

November 25th 2014 - Very early morning hours: Flight 490 from New York, NY to Columbus, Ohio. Kurt POV.

Kurt was done. So done. With everything, especially crowded planes and people who took forever to find their seats. He didn't have patience for this. Not today. But at least he got a row to himself, early morning flights were rarely packed, _Thank you, Gaga_. He wasn't ready for this day period though, he didn't want to face it. He wished he could go back in time, just a week. A week ago everything had been fine. But now...now everything was falling to pieces and he could still hear Carole's heartbreaking sobs in his head. He didn't understand how things could change so quickly, go so wrong - how life could get so dark, so suddenly. Although he more than anyone probably shouldn't have been so surprised. He had done this before after all. A little over a decade earlier. Twice before if you counted his dad's heart attack.

At least this time he hadn't had to do the hospital part. At least Finn had died instantly, he hadn't suffered. It wasn't like with his mother who fought for her life for days in that hospital bed, before she lost the fight. Those days, just waiting. Pure torture. The smell of antiseptic, the white walls, the endless stream of tears, the silence, no one talked to each other - the only noise during those days were the sound of the heartbeat machine; beep beep beep, over and over, while you prayed it wouldn't stop - but it did stop; beeeeeeeeeeep. All of it, forever etched into his brain. He didn't think he could have gone through that one more time and not lost his mind.

He walked down the aisle, trailing his carry-on after him, like a zombie. He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep and not...think. About anything. Especially not about how Finn was only a plane ride away, surely not about how next time he would see his brother, he would be dead. And certainly not about how he would have to say goodbye, for good. How was he supposed to let go? Just like that? When it was so unfair?

He quickly dumped his bag carelessly in the overhead compartment and sat down staring straight ahead at nothing, he was still completely in his own head; not really paying attention to anyone or anything, it didn't matter anyway. Nothing mattered. Not when so many lives were shattered in an instant. So he simply buckled himself in and as he closed his eyes and drifted off, he wondered briefly if Finn was with his mother now? He wasn't a believer, but it was a nice thought.

 _Suddenly Kurt found himself in the Hummel-Hudson living-room. The house was warm and bright, his dad and Carole were dancing around the coffee table to an oldie on the radio while Finn watched them from his spot on the floor before he turned to smirk at Kurt._

 _"Hey, little bro." Kurt swatted his arm. "Don't call me bro, and I'm older than you."_

 _"You're smaller, though." Finn laughed._

 _"Everyone is smaller than you, Finnegan. You're a giant."_

 _"Don't call me that." Finn pouted. They continued their brotherly bickering for a while and Kurt loved it. Had missed it. Although he wasn't sure why since he talked to his brother all the time. There was just a tiny sense of "not right" about this, but he didn't recognize it._

 _"I'll stop calling you that, when you stop calling me bro. Deal?" Kurt stuck out his hand for Finn to shake._

 _"Fine." Finn sighed and shook Kurt's hand before he completely changed the conversation to his number one topic; food. "I'm hungry." Kurt laughed, it was just so Finn._

 _"Let's leave mom and dad to..." They both looked at the sickening sweet adults who were laughing and swaying in each other's arms and rolled their eyes. "...whatever that is." But their smiles betrayed their true feelings. "And check out the kitchen."_

 _"Sure, br..." Kurt sent him a warning glare and Finn quickly caught himself. "I mean, sure Kurt."_

 _"Close call." Kurt smirked as he nudged Finn towards the kitchen. "If you help me make dinner, I'll bake you cookies later."_

 _"Alriiiiight." Finn exclaimed. "Best brother, ever." Then he leaned in to give Kurt a one-armed hug which he reciprocated. It felt like an important hug, for some reason - and Kurt savored it, still not catching on to anything._

 _As they entered the kitchen Kurt immediately started going through the cabinets and fridge, delighted when he found all the ingredients for chicken Parmesan, Finn's favorite. "Hey Finn, how does chicken sound?" He was surprised when he got no answer and turned around, but Finn was gone. "Finn?" He called. Nothing. The music coming from the living-room had vanished too. Suddenly the warmth that had surrounded the home was gone and it was like everything lost its color._

 _He started shivering as he moved towards the door to the den. "Who turned down the heat?" He thought randomly, not putting the puzzle together even as his surroundings blurred and the hallway seemed to stretch on and on. As he rounded the corner his dad and Carole were gone, but he saw Finn standing there, with his back to him. He was so still and almost blended into the gray wallpaper like a ghost. It startled him. "Finn?" He approached cautiously, not really sure why._

 _"It's not fair." Came the monotonous response in Finn's voice. Kurt had never heard him sound like that._

 _"What's not fair?" Kurt asked, his brows furrowing. When he reached Finn he turned him around and then he gasped, because Finn's dead glassy eyes were staring right at him. Kurt jumped back as Finn's lips parted and a whisper escaped: "Why do you get to live when I have to die?" Then he just toppled over and Kurt automatically reached out to catch him only to get knocked over by the weight of Finn's huge body and caught underneath him. "FINN!" He screamed and tried to get away, but he couldn't move._

 _And that's when it clicked. He was dreaming. This had to be a nightmare. It didn't change the fact that he was still trapped under Finn's icy corpse or that they were sinking through the floorboards to a dark grave and he didn't know how to wake himself up. "Please, wake up Kurt. Please wake up!" He begged and from somewhere far away, Kurt heard a voice, warm and velvety calling to him._ "Hey, hey! Come on. Wake up!"

The next thing he knew he was opening his eyes and staring into what could only be described as pools of honey. He was momentarily blindsided by the beauty before him and gasped softly. The most gorgeous guy he had ever seen was right in front of him. There was something about him that reminded Kurt of a 1950'ties movie star and he randomly thought how much his boss Isabelle would love him as he pictured him starring in a black and white Vogue spread. Yes, that would definitely work. He had a strong clean jaw, slightly tanned skin and slick black hair, too slick for Kurt's taste, but it added to the classic 50'ties look. He also had the cutest triangular eyebrows Kurt had ever seen on a guy and a slightly wide and crooked nose that was somehow still perfect on him. His mouth consisted of full red lips forming a perfect bow with teeth so white they could blind you. And Kurt instantly felt a bewildering need to kiss those lips? It made no sense. But what really took his breath away was when he looked back into those eyes. What color was that? They were more than brown, hazel came close but not close enough. If Kurt didn't know better he would have called them gold, with specs of green. For now he settled on amber as they just stared at each other, looking equally mesmerized.

Then as quickly as Kurt was drawn in, he snapped out of it, because wow, this guy was really close and touching him and what the hell!? He flinched away and the guy retreated as well, but to Kurt's confusion he settled on the floor next to him, not back in his own seat. Kurt eyed him intrigued, even from his position he could tell he was a small guy and of course with him being, well...Kurt, he couldn't stop himself from checking out the guy's clothes. He had a quirky and colorful preppy style: the first thing he noticed was the bow tie; red and black around his neck, beneath that he sported a white polo shirt as well as a cardigan with black, red and white stripes running across it horizontally. Bright red jeans that hugged his petite frame nicely covered his legs. He wore black loafers on his feet. Huh, no socks. It suited the guy though and Kurt decided he liked it. But probably only on him. It was a loud fashion statement not often seen or executed as successfully as in this case and Kurt admired that boldness in people, but it was also really flashy and he wasn't sure anyone else would be able to pull it off. In fact, he was pretty sure no one else on the planet could. Which just made the guy even more interesting. Then his curiosity got the better of him and he had to ask.

"What are you doing?" He then watched as the guy stuttered his way through an explanation as he blushed fire engine red and if that wasn't the most adorable thing ever, he didn't know what was. He immediately recognized the smooth tenor voice from the remnants of his dream and let it wrap around him like a blanket. Something about it reminded him of safety. Kurt couldn't stop the big genuine smile that spread across his lips and wow, when was the last time he had smiled like that? He couldn't remember. It had been way before Finn's death, that much was certain. He was a bit embarrassed to hear that he had apparently made a scene in his sleep, but he was grateful that he'd been woken up. Who knew how long it would have taken him to find his way out of that nightmare himself? He managed to reply with a thank you and then introduced himself, hoping the guy would take the bait because Kurt was simply dying to know his name.

He did and Kurt learned that "mystery guy" as he had dubbed him in his head was called Blaine, which wasn't what he would had guessed at all, Blaine was a relatively rare name but like everything else about him, it just fit and Kurt told him that. Of course, he shouldn't have been surprised. This guy was way too extraordinary to have a common name like Steve or Mike. When they shook hands there was also an unmistakable spark between them. _Wow, what was that?_ Kurt was determined to not let show he'd felt anything in case he was the only one. Instead he focused on the fact that Blaine seemed to have exquisite manners and also noticed that he had a way of saying Kurt's name like no one else. It was like Blaine had been born to say his name. Kurt mentally slapped himself, _stop it_. Then Blaine ventured into dangerous territory when he asked what the nightmare was about and Kurt's natural instinct was to flee.

He wasn't great at opening up to people. The bullying he'd suffered through most of his childhood and teen years had left him guarded. But somehow it was different with Blaine, he felt different with Blaine. But he couldn't possibly have a conversation of this nature with him sitting on the floor like that, so he offered Blaine the seat next to him and also cracked a joke that to his delight made Blaine chuckle, it was a wonderful sound. _He thinks I'm funny_ , Kurt thought and knew he was way too happy about that fact considering they had just met and he didn't even know if Blaine was on his team. _Could he be gay_? Could Kurt possibly be that lucky? Blaine was hard to read. Sure, he dressed in a somewhat flamboyant way but he had a distinct masculine quality about him. Kurt sighed internally, even if Blaine by sheer luck turned out to be gay, there was no way a guy like that was single.

As Blaine sat down next to him, he was quick to reassure Kurt that he didn't have to share anything he was uncomfortable with and the sweetness was just too much. And made Kurt want to open up even more. It wouldn't hurt either, to talk about it, he needed to talk about it. It had been bottled up inside of him for a week because he wasn't comfortable being vulnerable in front of any of his friends and his dad and Carole had enough to deal with themselves. They didn't need him to unload on them as well. But Blaine, he was a stranger, he had no involvement, there were no strings tying him to Kurt's life. He could dump all of his emotional baggage safely on him and there would be no consequences. Kurt fiddled with his hands in his lap, struggling internally.

It was Blaine's hands on his own and a long look in his eyes, which finally made Kurt's walls come down. Before he knew it he was spilling everything. The words just kept coming. He told Blaine about Finn, about his mother and his dad's cancer. About his fears that everyone would die and leave him alone. He was crying by the end of it and Blaine was just holding him, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Blaine did everything right and advised him to have faith, but Kurt just sniffed, not having the courage to tell Blaine he had no faith because he didn't believe in God. All in all Blaine told him everything he needed to hear and more. And Kurt was pretty sure he was falling in love. Which again, was ridiculous. He barely knew Blaine. But still...it was as if something was pulling him towards this man. Something bigger than the both of them.

"Thanks, Blaine. How did you get so good at this?" He asked to which Blaine answered that he had no idea. Then Kurt realized how he must look and pulled away from Blaine covering his face and desperately trying to clean himself up in an inconspicuous way.

"Ugh, don't look at me. I'm a mess." He complained.

"No, you're beautiful." _Wait, what? What did he say?_

When Kurt looked up not believing his ears he barely had a second to react before Blaine's lips were on his. _Oh my Gaga! He is kissing me! The most perfect guy in the world is kissing me!_ Kurt was flailing on the inside and his heart was beating wildly in his chest. _Wait, he's kissing me! Kiss back, you fool!_ He reprimanded himself. And so he did and it was amazing. Blaine lips were soft and smooth and his kisses were gentle and non-invasive. It was like he could read Kurt like an open book and just knew that what he needed in that moment was comfort, not passion.

When they broke the kiss, Kurt was breathless and the only coherent thought his brain could come up with was a surprised: "You are gay?" To which Blaine chuckled and confirmed that yes, he was. He couldn't help but tease Kurt a bit about his reaction either, but Kurt didn't mind. Blaine could tease him kindheartedly from here and until the end of time if it meant being near him. And shit, here we go again. _Head out of the clouds, Kurt. You don't know what this is, what this means_ , he reminded himself. Maybe Blaine just felt sorry for him? Those kisses hadn't felt like pity kisses though and he did call him beautiful. Kurt's stomach did a little flip at the thought.

Then Blaine called bow ties gay and Kurt simply couldn't let that comment slide so before he knew what happened he had reprimanded Blaine on stereo-typing while at the same time showering him in compliments and also revealing that he worked at Vogue, which sent Blaine into a long spiel about how much he loved Vogue and how many magazines he had, until he paused abruptly and stared off into space like something just hit him. It took Blaine a few seconds, but then he could see him put it together in his head, the process was fascinating to say the least. When he looked back at Kurt his eyes were as huge as saucers and Kurt knew he was busted.

"You're Kurt Hummel." Blaine stated.

"The one and only." Kurt said, secretly thrilled that someone recognized him. And he wasn't surprised in the least when the first thing Blaine mentioned was his piece on bow ties. Of course that would be the one that stuck with him, Kurt mused and laughed as he fingered Blaine's bow tie and shook his head disbelievingly. Gosh, this whole situation was weird. He told Blaine as much and when Blaine pretended not to know what he was referring to Kurt couldn't help but give him his signature Kurt Hummel bitch glare. Blaine did eventually concede that it was a peculiar situation they've found themselves in, but that he didn't really look at Kurt as a stranger after hearing his whole life story. That was the moment Kurt realized he knew almost nothing about Blaine. But luckily he seemed willing to share.

"Tell me about yourself." Kurt said and Blaine smiled.

"Well, my name is Blaine Anderson. I'm 18. I have a big brother named Cooper, he's 10 years older than me and lives in LA, but he's staying with us at the moment, ya know...for the holidays." Kurt was momentarily confused, then he remembered that Thanksgiving was right around the corner, a fact he had completely forgotten. He focused back on Blaine. "I guess you could say I was a surprise to my parents." He mused and Kurt just watched him intensely as he talked. "I was born and raised in Ohio. Westerville to be precise and I went to Dalton Academy for boys." _Wait_ , Kurt thought, _it's not possible...?_

"You grew up in Ohio?" He asked astounded.

"Well, yeah. That is where we're going right now, isn't it?" Blaine asked confused.

"This is so weird, I'm from Lima. That's only two hours away. We practically grew up next to each other." Kurt exclaimed.

"Wow…that is weird." Blaine agreed.

"Wait, you mentioned Dalton Academy."

"Yeah?" Blaine asked looking like he was wondering where Kurt was going with this.

"You are not gonna believe this, but I almost transferred there in my sophomore year."

"No way. That is wild. We could have met years ago." Blaine and Kurt were equally amazed about this news.

"Did you know anyone in The Warblers by any chance?" Kurt asked. "My Glee club went up against them a few times and they were good. They had this tiny guy singing lead, but what he didn't have in stature he sure made up for with his voice and showmanship. He was incredible. I would have definitely joined if I had transferred, but it just didn't happen and..."

"Kurt." Blaine said putting a hand to his arm to stop his rambling and Kurt wondered why Blaine was looking at him like that, then he got his answer. "I was the Warbler lead." Kurt was floored. So was Blaine.

"Are you joking right now?" Kurt asked.

"No, I'm dead serious." Blaine looked stunned.

"I saw you." Kurt stated. "Years ago." He couldn't fathom that he never put together that the charismatic "Dalton dwarf" as his friends had referred to him as, was the same guy sitting next to him all this time. Kurt had already been quite taken with the lead Warbler back then after all, but he would be damned if he admitted that to Blaine right now.

"I can't believe this." Blaine said, eyes wide. "This cannot just be a coincidence." He muttered to himself but Kurt heard it. Then he seemed to come back to his senses and he turned to Kurt. "Wait, you were in Glee club?"

"Yeah. McKinley High's New Directions." Blaine nodded knowingly.

"I think I remember them. Short brunette in front with a voice that could fill a Colosseum?" He asked.

"Yeah, that would be Rachel." Kurt confirmed. "She's one of my best friends."

"Why did I never see you?" Blaine asked sounding disappointed.

"Oh well, I never had a solo. I mostly danced in the background. I'm afraid my girly countertenor voice wasn't really appreciated." Kurt looked down suddenly feeling a bit insecure. Blaine's hand on his cheek made him look up.

"Your voice is beautiful and unique. I wish you would have transferred. The Warblers could have used a countertenor." The sincerity in his eyes took Kurt's breath away and he never in his life wished to go back in time more than in that moment.

"Me too." He sighed. "But we just couldn't afford it and by the end of the year the bullying had peaked and returned to a tolerable level. So I stayed."

"Tolerable level?" Blaine asked. "How bad did it get?"

"Oh, you know. Being gay and out in Ohio is not easy. I was tossed into dumpsters, pushed into lockers, called every name in the book, slushied." Blaine sent him a questionable look, so Kurt elaborated. "They would throw frozen drinks in our faces." At Blaine's horrified look, he was quick to soothe him. "It wasn't that bad, sure...it felt like being bitch-slapped by an iceberg and the dye was hell to get out of our clothes, but it was better than being hate-kissed by a closeted bully who then threatened to kill me."

"Oh my God, Kurt. I'm so sorry." Blaine took his hand in his and Kurt let him.

"It's okay. It's in the past and David, that's his name, the bully. He was just confused and in a really bad place. We're actually okay. I helped him though it and he's out and proud now. I've forgiven him. He turned out to be a decent guy." Blaine was looking at him like he hung the moon and stars.

"You're amazing, Kurt." Kurt blushed. "I mean, you are so strong and forgiving. I don't think I could ever forgive my tormentors like that. I guess you're the bigger man of the two of us."

"Well, technically I am the bigger man." Kurt laughed, eyes sparking at Blaine's affronted look. "Height joke! Mean!" But Blaine was laughing too.

"Wait. I thought you went to Dalton? Don't they have a zero-bullying policy?" Kurt asked confused and sad that Blaine had apparently gone through similar stuff that he had.

"Oh, I did. And they do. But I didn't spend all of my high school years at Dalton. I went to public school, for...a brief time." And with that Blaine's eyes turned dark, like he was remembering something nasty. Kurt was almost afraid to ask. Almost.

"What happened?" Blaine hesitated and Kurt backtracked quickly. "You don't have to tell me."

"No, I want to. It's just hard to find a way to say it that doesn't make it sound horrible. I guess I'll just say it." Kurt held his breath, afraid of what was to come. With good reason. "When I was 14 I went to a Sadie Hawkins dance with a friend of mine, Josh. There wasn't anything between us romantically. He was just the only other gay guy out at school and we were best friends." Blaine paused, staring down at their intertwined hands and Kurt was sure he was seeking strength from that, so he squeezed Blaine's hand gently, earning him a small smile from Blaine.

"Everything went fine until we were waiting to get picked up outside afterward. That's when these three guys showed up and they...beat the crap out of us." A gasp escaped Kurt and he held his hand to his mouth, this was so much worse than what he went through. "They used a baseball bat, Kurt. I spent 3 weeks in a coma and when I woke up Josh was paralyzed and his parents transferred him out of state. I never saw or heard from him again." It was clear that losing his friend like that had hurt Blaine. "I don't remember much from the attack except for pain. A lot of pain. It doesn't stop my mind from coming up with images though. I still have nightmares sometimes." Blaine was wiping at his eyes furiously and Kurt wasted no time scooping him up in a hug.

"I am so sorry, Blaine. I don't even know what to say. My experience doesn't even come close to what you went through." He said as he started to rub Blaine's back comfortingly.

"This is enough." Blaine sniffed. "This is all I need." And they both knew that he was referring to their closeness. "Luckily I transferred to Dalton right after. I made new friends and they really helped put me back together. Back then I was a shadow of who I am now. Wes, Nick, Jeff and Trent. They saved me." Blaine finished his story.

"Yeah." Kurt agreed. "Great friends have a habit of doing that." He could definitely relate, the Glee club always had each other's backs.

"Ugh." Blaine exclaimed wiping his nose. "I don't wanna talk about this anymore. It's in the past. Now I just wanna be happy and focus on the future. I'm moving to New York next year, I just put a deposit down on an apartment today."

"So that's why you were in New York? Looking at apartments?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah." Blaine said sounding excited. "I found a really good one. Why were you in New York?"

"I live there."

"Oh?"

"Yep, it's a great city. I love it." Kurt smiled thinking of his home. Lima wasn't his home, it was just the place he grew up in. New York was where he'd belonged all along.

"I hope I'll love it too." Blaine said. "I can't wait to get there and study music."

"I'm sure you will. Oh, you wanna study music?" Kurt asked, interested. "What kind of music?"

That started a long discussion on favorite bands and musicals and Blaine wanting to either be on stage or become a musical therapist, until suddenly Kurt found himself yawning and almost falling asleep. Not because he was bored, he was just so emotionally exhausted. So Blaine suggested they remove the armrests and took advantage of the free row to get some rest, even making Kurt sleep on him with the most irresistible puppy dog eyes Kurt had ever seen. _Dear Gaga, how am I supposed to refuse that?_ He thought as he gave in. He was just about to fall asleep when he felt a hand in his hair and fingers running through it and no, there was no way he was letting anyone, not even Blaine mess up his hair. Not a chance. No. He had to put his foot down about that right away. So he lifted his head to give Blaine a stern bitch glare and speech about how his hair was sacred and not to be touched, but when he was met with those puppy dog eyes again, he lost all his fight. Instead of telling Blaine off, he settled back down with a deep sigh, mumbling weakly about how Blaine could use those to get away with murder and how it was so not fair. The low rumbling of Blaine's laughter was the last thing he heard before he fell asleep.

He woke up a while later when a stewardess came by to alert them that they would be landing soon. Blaine was still fast asleep under him, long black lashes coating his cheeks, lips slightly parted as he breathed heavily in and out. Good grief, how could one man be this gorgeous? Kurt allowed himself 5 more minutes with his head on Blaine's chest listening to the man's heartbeat but then he couldn't help but wake him up with a soft kiss.

"Mmm." Blaine mumbled against his lips as he woke up. "What's going on?" Then his eyes opened and they widened as they fixed on Kurt. "Am I dreaming?" Kurt chuckled. Sleepy Blaine was the cutest thing in the world. He yawned, looking dazed with little black curls escaping their gel prison around his ears and neck. It made Kurt curious about what his hair looked like without any product. He wondered if he would ever find out.

"No, you're not. Not unless we are both sharing the same dream." Kurt smiled. "We're landing in 10 minutes, up up up, sleepy." Kurt coaxed as he got to his feet in no time, moving out of the row.

"Mmm, bossy." Blaine smiled but sat up and buckled himself back in. "How are you this alert? You just woke up?"

"I'm not." Kurt said honestly and yawned. "But _someone_." He put emphasis on the last word. "Messed up my hair and now I barely have time to fix it. Nice hair trumphs fatigue." He said as he vanished down the aisle towards the bathrooms. Behind him Blaine just smiled cheekily.

When Kurt came back, his hair was back to perfection and the plane was just about to land. Blaine grabbed his hand again and they smiled softly at each other. _In love_ , Kurt thought. _Definitely in love with this guy._ He couldn't deny it anymore. Logic, be damned. Blaine had won his heart in mere hours and from the look of utter adoration Blaine had whenever he gazed at Kurt it seemed like the feeling was mutual. _But what now?_

As the plane touched down and they got off to collect their bags, it was like reality came rushing back in with a force that knocked Kurt off kilter. The tiny bubble of denial Blaine had created for him up in the clouds burst and he suddenly remembered why he was back in Ohio to begin with. All the turmoil and sadness and nerves came back full force and all at once he was too shy to do anything. He wanted to reach out to Blaine as they walked side by side, luggage in hand. He could see out the corner of his eye that Blaine was stealing glances his way and he knew he was doing the same. _Come on, do something_ , he thought, but he didn't know if it was meant for himself or for Blaine. It was probably both. But nothing happened and he began to think that maybe Blaine didn't want this to go any further. He was suddenly crippled by insecurity. What if he had made what they shared on the plane bigger in his head than it really was? What if Blaine wasn't interested in anything beyond the plane, after all? He walked through the arrival doors and when Blaine had still not made a move he resigned himself to the thought that maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

He heard his dad before he saw him. "Kurt!" Burt was storming towards him and he knew what was coming. They were out of time. He looked at Blaine in that split second to say goodbye before he was pulled into a hug at the same time as Blaine was tackled by a handsome older man who referred to him as "Squirt?" Kurt raised an eyebrow at that until he heard Blaine whisper a soft: "Hey Coop." So that was the big brother. Then he was led away and into Carole's waiting arms. As he hugged her his gaze automatically zoomed in on Blaine, who was staring back at him from across the terminal. So many emotions swirled in that gaze and they just held it for as long as they could. Then Kurt was being tugged along to the exit and he swore he could feel Blaine's eyes on his back the whole way there. He paused briefly at the doorway to look back and as expected Blaine was still staring at him intensely, but that was all he did. And it hurt. _He just doesn't think I'm worth it_ , Kurt thought. It didn't change how Kurt felt about him though. _How I wish you could have been mine._ But he had been such a fool. And with that last thought and a heart twisting painfully in his chest, Kurt turned his back and prepared to walk away from Blaine forever. Little did he know their paths would cross yet again years later. Had he known, then he would never have agreed to marry someone else.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author note: I seem to be on a roll. I have no beta so all mistakes are mine.**

November 25th 2017.

Blaine was on his one million gazillion blind date in 3 years – or so it felt like. And it wasn't going well. He really didn't want to be there. He had gotten his hopes up for a split second the minute he stepped though the door and laid eyes on the guy with the red scarf. His breath had hitched. _Could it be?_ But those hopes were quickly dashed. He had almost walked out again before he was spotted, but had come to the conclusion that his mother taught him better than that. He couldn't help the disappointment that filled him from the inside out though and he knew right away he wouldn't give this guy any serious chance. Still, he sat down in front of him and introductions were made.

"So Kurt." He said, but he didn't roll the R. "Tell me about yourself?" And he tried sounding interested, he tried to look interested, he really did...but he just couldn't pull it off. Luckily his date didn't seem to notice, so instead of listening to him Blaine just watched him. He took in his impeccable taste in clothes that still somehow weren't quite right, checked out his brown hair that just seemed a little bit flat, his fair skin looked more ghost pale than radiant and his blue eyes, though pretty, just came across as dull to him. The guy was handsome but there was nothing really special about his features and his voice was too deep. Still...it was all so very close, but not close enough. Because this was not _his_ Kurt as he had dubbed him in his mind.

So...okay. Blaine was on a blind date with a Kurt look-alike, that even had the same name. He knew how creepy that sounded. But it got worse. After he moved to the city and had quite a few bad blind dates, he had decided to only agree on being set up in this type of scenario, if and only if the guy he was going to meet was named Kurt. _Just in case_. He couldn't stand the thought that he might miss _him_. And after all, how many gay men named Kurt could there be in New York? Surely not that many, right? Wrong. He had been down this road so many times before and it was a huge let down each and every time. Although this time it just stung a little more and he knew why.

This was a special day after all. Exactly 3 years ago to this day the powers that be had thrown him and Kurt together on a plane and in his head he had built this date up in his mind, thinking how perfect it would be if he walked in and for once it would actually be _his_ Kurt waiting for him. He had imagined how they would run towards each other, in slow motion of course, because duh...Blaine was an romantic at heart - and everything would stand still when they met in the middle for a long awaited reunion kiss, they could have had their first official date on the anniversary of the day they met. It was the stuff rom-com's were made of. Unfortunately for Blaine, it seemed fate had other plans and weren't as romantically inclined as he was. He sighed and focused back in on the conversation when he heard his name called.

"Blaine? Hey, are you listening?" His date was waving a hand in front of his face when Blaine finally tuned back in.

"Huh, sorry. What were you saying?" He blushed at being caught daydreaming. He was being rude and that was not how a Dalton gentleman behaved.

"I asked if you wanted to get out of here? Maybe to my place for a glass of wine?" The _not_ Kurt said, a twinkle in his eye that told Blaine that wine was the last thing on his mind. Seriously, this guy might as well have invited him home to see his stamp collection or something. His intentions were clear as day and Blaine was no fool. Not anymore, at least.

He was not the same naive 18 year old virgin he was when he first moved here 3 years ago – that version of himself had gone home with quite a few men and gotten thoroughly groped before realizing what they wanted, stammering an excuse and leaving in a hurry. Now he was 21 and wiser. And no novice in the bedroom. Sure, there was a time right after his fateful encounter with Kurt when he had held out, hoping against all reason, that they would bump into each other again – a time when in his mind he had been saving himself for Kurt. It had taken a heart to heart with the most unexpected person on the planet and a night of passion with him to completely erase that notion though.

Back when he first started NYU, this guy had been...not so subtle about his interest in Blaine and he would be lying if he said he hadn't been flattered or attracted to him. Sebastian was a handsome older student with a lot more confidence and a relaxed attitude towards sex. He had been shamelessly flirting with Blaine from day one, laying in on a bit too thick for Blaine's taste and had quickly caught on to Blaine's virgin situation with how much he was always blushing whenever Sebastian hit on him. Though with Blaine being the romantic he was, naturally he had blatantly rebuffed all of his advances. Until the end of the year party his sophomore year, when his life was turned upside down.

He had been sitting on a couch with a girl from his class drunkenly moaning about Kurt and how they were destined to be, if only he could find him again. At that point he had tried everything; when Facebook yielded no result, he had gone through the New York phone-book contacting all the Kurt Hummel's he could find, but the list was unending and he eventually gave that up after calling what must have been at least 500 people and realizing _his_ Kurt might not even be listed. He also tried getting in touch with all the Vogue offices to find out which one Kurt worked at and see if he could get his number that way, but no one would give him any personal information about their employees, that stuff was apparently confidential or something like that, so he had no way of tracking Kurt down that way. He didn't even know what part of the city he lived in so he couldn't skulk around his area hoping to spot him, which he would have been totally okay with doing by the way - even if it made him look like a stalker. He didn't know if Kurt studied somewhere in the city either, all he had talked about was his Vogue job after all and Blaine spent many nights browsing Vogue's online magazine and reading all of Kurt's articles hoping to get some kind of hint where to find him, but Kurt was always 100% professional in his writing and never mentioned anything personal. Blaine was simply stuck and out of luck. That was the reason he had been drowning his sorrows in cheap beer and vodka all night. Of course, he had been a little too loud and Sebastian had overheard everything.

" _So that's why you never fell for my charm, killer. You're pining for someone else. That explains so much." Sebastian said as he dropped down next to him, the girl from earlier gone, probably tired of hearing him bitch about how he and Kurt could have had 'a love story for the ages.' Blaine just rolled his eyes. "Tell me though." Sebastian continued. "Do you really think this guy Kent..."_

" _His name is Kurt." Blaine corrected._

" _Right, Kurt...whatever." It was Sebastian's turn to roll his eyes. "Do you really think this Kurt is sitting around waiting for you?" Blaine's face fell. "I mean no offense by that." He was quick to reassure when he saw Blaine's expression."Clearly, you are a total hottie. It's no secret how I feel about you. It should be obvious by now that I think you are sex on a stick, but let's be realistic here for a second. Let's say you did share some out of this world connection with this guy..."_

" _We did." Blaine insisted._

" _Okay, sure. But let me ask you something. What if you never meet Kurt again? Are you gonna live your whole life holding out for something that might never...probably never will happen? How is that a life worth living?" Sebastian asked. And wow, when did a guy like that get so deep?_

 _Blaine thought it over. What if he never saw Kurt again. Could fate be that cruel? He bit his lower lip as a strong need to cry came over him, his eyes were welling up against his will and Sebastian looked on alarmed. He knew he was making a scene. Great, just what I need, he thought bitterly._

" _Shit Blaine. I'm sorry. This was not my intention at all. Please don't do...that." Sebastian looked uncomfortable, but didn't move away as Blaine sniffed quietly. Suddenly he found himself in Sebastian's embrace - and okay, that was new. Maybe there was more to this guy than his sex-fueled bravado._

" _Sorry." Blaine stammered. "Stupid alcohol always makes me overly emotional." Sebastian eyed him for a few seconds and Blaine was sure he was gonna leave, but to his surprise he carried on._

" _Listen, killer. I didn't mean to make you sad or whatever. Who knows, you might run into him again." Sebastian was rubbing his back now and Blaine felt strangely comforted by that. It didn't feel as good as when Kurt had done it though. "But it could be years down the line...and a guy has needs." That was true. Blaine did have needs and he was getting increasingly tired of only his right hand to help him out. "All I'm saying is that it wouldn't kill you to enjoy the ride until you do find him." Sebastian concluded._

" _You just wanna get in my pants." Blaine chuckled and wiped his eyes while Sebastian smirked._

 _"Well, that's part of it." He conceded. "Another part is that I know all the gay assholes around this campus..." He grinned and then added: "Literally." To which Blaine wrinkled his nose. "They're selfish bastards, let's be real...most men are...they're only concerned with their own needs and getting off. And I may be a bit of a slut and an ass, but that doesn't mean I want you to have a bad experience your first time. I actually really like you, Blaine." He looked up abruptly, surprised Sebastian would even care about something like that and suddenly the guy was slowly leaning in to kiss him._ _His kisses didn't taste anything like Kurt's, but they weren't bad either and when Sebastian licked his lips to ask for entrance, Blaine let him in. When they parted, Sebastian was smiling at him, a genuine smile, not the leering one he usually got from him and Blaine realized he was seeing the real Sebastian for the first time. The man behind the mask. And he liked what he saw._

" _You know." Blaine smiled and looked down bashfully. "You actually can be really charming when you drop the act."_

" _Oh no, not the bashful school boy thing again. You know what that does to me." Sebastian pretended to fan himself as Blaine laughed and hit his shoulder. "You are an ass."_

" _You wound me." He put a hand to his chest and Blaine rolled his eyes. "But really, I meant what I said." He moved closer into Blaine's personal space and another slow kiss was pressed to his lips. Then Sebastian's hand sneaked up to massage his neck and play with the curls coming free of the gel there and Blaine was surprised he hadn't gone for the hand on the thigh instead. Of course, this was the more intimate move. Damn, Sebastian really was desperate to seduce him if he was turning to petting._

" _You really wanna get laid, don't you?" Blaine deadpanned as he turned to look at him and Sebastian chuckled._

" _I do. But keep in mind that I could have anyone at this party and I came to you." Sebastian said. "I am not gonna pretend my intentions with you aren't selfish ones...they are." He paused, his eyes drifting to Blaine's red kiss swollen lips: "My God, they so are...but that's not all they are. I really think this could be beneficial to the both of us. Just don't fall in love with me and we're good." Blaine scoffed. As if he would ever feel anything for someone who wasn't Kurt._

" _And what if I changed my mind?" Blaine asked and Sebastian sighed._

" _I am not gonna say I wouldn't be disappointed, but that would be your choice. And I would respect it. I'm not a rapist, Blaine." He emphasized. "But I know I could make it really good for you." With that Sebastian stood and reached his hand out to him. "Let me?" Blaine stared into his eyes for what seemed like a long time looking for any deception, but found none. He inhaled a nervous breath as Sebastian continued to look at him, a question in his eyes, then exhaled a shaky; "Okay." He accepted the hand offered to him and let Sebastian lead him away from the crowd._

So Sebastian had been his first but certainly not his last - and he never regretted it. It hadn't been the big romantic celebration of love he had always imagined. That was simply not possible between two people who didn't love each other. But Sebastian had still been gentle and caring, keeping his promise to make it good for him. His first time had been with someone experienced, who knew what they were doing and hadn't hurt him. Sebastian had made him feel desirable, instantly putting him at ease and he had gotten a mind-blowing orgasm out of it in the end. All in all his first time had been more than satisfactory. That was all that mattered.

And he was not gonna lie, once he finally took that step into adulthood, he enjoyed it. Sex was awesome and he and Sebastian were actually really good friends now, sometimes friends with benefits too. Although they didn't hook up as often as they used to. Which Blaine suspected had something to do with a certain tall, dark and handsome singer named Elliott that Blaine still hadn't met but whom Sebastian hadn't shut up about in months. It was fine though. Blaine didn't mind, he was never in love with Sebastian and he never would be. They were just consenting adults who enjoyed each others bodies and when they did it never failed to make Blaine feel nostalgic - you really never did forget your first time.

He didn't have any problems finding someone else to warm his bed anyway. His current date was proof of that and he'd be damned if he refused a Kurt look-alike access to his bed. He was not throwing that away. After all, it might very well be the closest he would ever get to the real thing. Not that he had completely lost hope that he would ever see Kurt again. It was just that as the years went on, he acknowledged that he might have to wait a while. That didn't mean he couldn't still experience pleasure as long as he let everyone he got involved with that way know that although they could have his body, they could never have his heart. Emotionally Blaine knew he would only ever belong to one person and that was Kurt Hummel. And _not_ Kurt knew the drill.

"Lead the way." He said and followed the man to his car.

As soon as they got inside _not_ Kurt's place the guy wasted no time pushing Blaine up against a wall and kissing him hard while Blaine tried really hard to not think about how _his_ Kurt's kisses had been soft and loving. "God, you're so hot Blaine." The guy whined as he pressed his hard member up against Blaine's thigh and proceeded to drag him to the bedroom, clothes flying everywhere. Blaine didn't answer. Instead he pushed _not_ Kurt down on the bed, both of them naked now and straddled him, noticing that if he furrowed his eyebrows and squinted just a little bit in the dark his vision blurred just enough that he could actually fool himself into believing this really was _his_ Kurt. His date wasn't having any of that though. He paused his lips on Blaine's chest and looked up at him confused.

"You okay? You look like you're in pain." And fuck, why couldn't he just go with it? Blaine tried not to make his annoyance show and ignored the voice in the back of his head telling him that what he was doing was wrong. So wrong. On so many levels. There was no turning back now though, not with the arousal cursing through his body and clouding his thoughts.

"I'm okay. Turn around." _Not_ Kurt hesitated for only a fraction of second, but then he did as Blaine said. Thank God. The guy handed him lube and a condom from a drawer and Blaine wasted no time preparing him, thoroughly – he wasn't one of those selfish bastards Sebastian had talked about. As he put on the condom, pushing in and started to thrust in and out, _not_ Kurt's voice was getting higher and breathier, much closer in pitch to _his_ Kurt and Blaine closed his eyes picturing it was actually him moaning under him as his hips worked frantically towards release. It didn't take either of them long to reach their climax and as _not_ Kurt came with a shout of "Blaaaaine! Fuck yeah!" Blaine unloaded in the condom babbling a string of incoherent words that mostly consisted of; "Kurt, fuck. So good. Yessss!" He panicked momentarily afterward, before he remembered that this guy's name really was Kurt.

Last month he had made the mistake of picking up another guy resembling _his_ Kurt at a club, that guy's name had been Lucas. Unfortunately Blaine had never had much control over his mouth during throes of passion and when he came that night "Lucas" had not been the name on his lips. Blaine had been too wasted to catch himself before the "Kurt" slipped out and the guy had been pissed to say the least. It wasn't one of Blaine's finest moments and the awkwardness that followed had so not been worth the orgasm. He had left as quickly as he could feeling like the biggest ass in the world. Much like he did right now, looking at _not_ Kurt enjoying the afterglow.

"You can sleep here, if you want." The guy smiled and patted the spot next to him. And fuck, Blaine knew he shouldn't take him up on the offer, he rarely stayed the night at any of his one night stands, but the slender pale body and the big baby blues were drawing him in and he got under the covers with him despite his better judgment.

Blaine certainly did not expect _not_ Kurt to grab his hand to pull him closer and making Blaine basically spoon him from behind, but he didn't push him away either. Instead he allowed himself to imagine for a while as he buried his face in the man's neck. _Not_ Kurt's scent wasn't anything like vanilla and coconut, but it was still a pleasant scent of man and in the darkness Blaine could pretend he was someone else. _Just for a few hours_ , he thought as he closed his eyes and fell asleep, images of porcelain skin and clear bell like laughter haunting his dreams. Dr. Sigmund Freud himself would have had a field day analyzing this.

The next day he was doing the walk of shame as he entered his apartment in the early morning hours only to be immediately ambushed by one of his roommates. He should have known.

"Soooooooooooooo." A tall blond guy with floppy bedhead hair said as he popped up behind the kitchen counter like a jack-in-the-box. "How did the date go?" Blaine rolled his eyes as he walked to the fridge. It was too early for this.

"It was okay, Jeff." He said and hoped his friend would leave it alone. No such luck.

"It must have went better than okay. You didn't come home last night and don't tell me you just talked because I don't believe it for a second." Jeff prodded.

"Fine, I slept with him. Happy now?" Blaine asked as he grabbed a bottle of water and downed half of it.

"Nah, ah. I want details." His friend insisted. "I set you up with this guy and you got laid because of me, I think I deserve it."

"Um, no. I got laid because of _me_." Blaine stated as he threw the now empty bottle in the trash.

"Semantics." Jeff dismissed and followed Blaine into the living-room.

"How old are you anyway? I'm not gonna discuss my sex life with you, man." Blaine said as he dropped down on their couch.

"Dude, not that. I wanna know the good stuff. How you connected, what you talked about. I just knew the instant I saw him that he would be just your type." The blond draped himself over the back of the couch with a dreamy expression on his face. "I am the best match-maker, ever. You gotta make me best man at your wedding." And okay, Blaine was not even gonna acknowledge that last comment.

"He was my type, alright." He mumbled under his breath instead. "Look wise, anyway."

"What was that?" Jeff asked.

"Nothing."

"Blaaaaaaaine." Jeff said.

"Jeeeeeeeeff." Blaine countered.

"Why are you being this difficult? Why can't you just tell me what you bonded over?" Jeff pouted.

"Because we didn't bond over anything, okay." Blaine leaned back on the couch closing his eyes. He really just wanted to go back to sleep for a while, he hadn't slept as well as he thought he would holding _not_ Kurt. Which was probably because he _wasn't_ Kurt. _Do'h_. He was so stupid.

"What? But you didn't sleep with any of the others?" Jeff asked confused.

That was true. Jeff had set him up on a million dates and Blaine had slept with exactly none of them. He enjoyed sex like every man, but he wasn't a slut like Sebastian, never had been. Silence fell and he could feel his friend's eyes on him. Any minute now...

"Something must have made him different?" Jeff said and Blaine could sense his friend moving closer to him but still didn't open his eyes.

"Oh, there's no doubt about that." Blaine just agreed, but didn't elaborate further hoping he wouldn't have to. Of course, there was no way Jeff was gonna let it go, he was like a dog with a bone. He had basically made it his life mission to find Blaine a man and he was determined to succeed.

"Well, what was it?" And there it was, the question Blaine would rather not answer.

"Ughggggg." He moaned in frustration as he turned to bury his head in his friend's shoulder who chuckled and petted his head. "There there." Jeff said. "Use your words, I know you can do it." Blaine sighed and spoke really fast. "HelookedlikeKurt."

"Come again?" Jeff asked as Blaine lifted his head from his shoulder.

"I said, he looked like Kurt." Blaine repeated.

"His name is Kurt." Jeff said, not following and Blaine just wanted to scream.

"No, I mean. He looked. Like. Kurt." He emphasized every word and slowly it dawned on Jeff.

"Oh! Oh. You mean, your Kurt." Blaine nodded.

Of course, all of his friends knew about Kurt. Blaine's Kurt or Plane Kurt. Also known as Regret Kurt. Sometimes even referred to as "the who who got away" Kurt if Blaine was feeling especially blue or particularly drunk. Fact was...Blaine talked about Kurt a lot. Not as much as he used to – and thank goodness for that because it was driving them all insane, but still a lot. Beside him it was Jeff's turn to sigh.

"Blaine." He began cautiously.

"Don't say it, Jeff." Blaine begged as he leaned forward and rested his head in his hands.

"Someone has to say it and as your friend, I feel like it's my responsibility." Jeff paused as if weighing his words and Blaine hated that his friend apparently felt like he was walking on eggshells around him. "Look, Blaine. We have all been very understanding and supportive about this Kurt thing." He continued. "But I think your obsession with this guy is becoming unhealthy."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Jeff." Blaine said defensively. _Kurt could never be unhealthy for me._

"Listen to what you just told me, Blaine." Jeff pressed on. "You said it yourself. You slept with that guy for one simple reason, that he looked like Kurt. Not because you felt any connection with him, I doubt you even liked him at all. All you saw were his looks, am I right?" Jeff asked. "Can you tell me one personal thing you learned about him on your date?"

"Umm." Blaine had to admit, he got him there.

"That's what I thought." Jeff said. "You are picking bed partners on the criteria that they look like a guy you met briefly on a plane 3 years ago. Don't think for a moment I didn't notice that tall, pale, blue-eyed brunette you slipped away with from the club last month." Jeff reprimanded and Blaine cringed at the mention of Lucas. "I let that one slide. But Blaine, first it was going on dates with guys who have his name, now it's sleeping with guys who resemble him and you won't give any other guys the time of day. It's a slippery slope you're heading down, and frankly...it's creepy."

"Gee, tell me how you really feel. Why don't you." Blaine snapped.

"It's out of concern, Blaine. You know that." Jeff said sadly.

"Whatever." He said as he got up and walked to his room. "I don't need to listen to this." And with that he slammed the door and threw himself on the bed. Of course, he only reacted like that because Jeff had hit a nerve and they both knew it. Maybe Jeff was right. Maybe he had turned into a creep? Maybe one day soon he would end up like one of those people on TLC's "My Strange Obsession" marrying a cardboard cutout of Kurt that he made himself. _Ugggggh_.

He knew he had to apologize to Jeff later, but right now he needed to get his head on straight and get some sleep. He stared at the ceiling for a long time not finding any solution to his predicament, before he finally drifted of with one last thought. _Kurt, where the hell are you?_ It wouldn't be long now though, until he saw _his_ Kurt again. He just didn't know it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author note: I really strugged with this chapter. I find it harder to write for Kurt, than I do Blaine. Anyway, enjoy :)**

November 25th 2017

Kurt had built a good life for himself during the last 3 years. When he returned back from Ohio after grieving Finn, he had started to look forward instead of backwards. He had studied hard and graduated from NYADA with grades sky high while at the same time working himself up the ranks at Vogue; this morning Isabelle had tasked him with his first real assignment that went beyond just commenting on the newest trends and he was super excited about it. He had also scored a great job as a singing waiter, while auditioning for all the roles he could find on the side. He was determined to make a name for himself on Broadway or in fashion, whichever came first. No matter what Kurt Hummel was born to be a star.

As he danced around the Spotlight Diner while singing "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" with his buddy Elliott – and killing it by the way, his thoughts automatically drifted to a certain curly haired boy for the millionth time that day. Blaine. _Dammit_. He rarely thought about the guy these days. Okay...that wasn't entirely true, Blaine had a habit of popping up in his head at random times. Like last week when he came across a display of bow ties at Brooks Brothers or just the other day while watching an old black and white movie at Rachel's - with a lead actor that happened to bear an uncanny resemblance to an older, more mature Blaine – he had left before the movie was over faking a headache, much to Rachel's chagrin.

" _I never see you anymore, Kurt."_ She had complained as he put on his Burberry jacket and knee-high Alexander McQueen boots. And he knew she was right. But his life was just so busy with juggling 2 jobs while auditioning and at the same time keeping the relationship with his long-time boyfriend from going sour. Oh yeah, he had a boyfriend. Kurt Hummel was off the market and really happy to be. All he had ever wanted was to find someone to love and feel loved in return and now he had that. Their 2 year anniversary was just around the corner, they were living together and they were solid. He was happy, most days.

But then there were days like these, when the ghost of Blaine kept haunting him. He didn't know how a guy he'd met briefly 3 years ago could still take up so much time in his head. He should have forgotten about him ages ago, he was sure Blaine had forgotten all about him. After all, how big of an impression could Kurt have made on the guy if he hadn't even bothered to chase after him that day at the airport? He had thought about trying to find him many times since then, but in the years that had gone by since that day, Kurt had convinced himself that he must have suffered some kind of temporary delusion and that Blaine couldn't possibly have felt anything close to what Kurt had. What was he gonna say anyway, if he found him? "Hey, remember me? We were on the same plane 3 years ago and I think we shared a moment." No, he would sound like a complete nut.

All of those doubts had tainted the memory of the plane ride and the charming boy with the golden eyes. Still Kurt couldn't seem to really let go of Blaine completely. For the last 3 years, Blaine had been with him wherever he went, even if he wasn't physically there. And quite honestly, Kurt was sick of it. It wasn't fair to his boyfriend and it made him feel guilty. But he just didn't know how to erase Blaine from his mind's eye. It was like he was branded on there forever and no matter how much Kurt tried, he simply couldn't forget him.

He and Elliott finished their performance to huge applause and retreated to a corner for a short break to catch their breath. "That was awesome, dude." Elliott said as he leaned against the counter. "We totally slayed that." Kurt just sent him a smile as he bent down to retrieve two water bottles, he handed Elliott one which he accepted gratefully. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. And you're right, El." Kurt said. "I haven't heard applause like that since Rachel and Santana did 'Hard Days Night' last week." He opened the bottle and took a swig. Elliott did the same as he watched Kurt stare off into space for a while.

"Okay..." Elliott began, breaking Kurt out of his stupor. "Are you gonna tell me what's on your mind?" He asked and Kurt just rolled his eyes. "Don't give me that eye-roll, mister. You're distracted, I can tell." Kurt sighed, he couldn't hide anything from his best friend.

"It's the 25th." He left it at that.

"So?" Elliott lifted an inquiring eyebrow that reminded Kurt so much about himself.

"Of November." Kurt clarified and Elliott looked confused, then a look of comprehension dawned on his face and he turned to him with a wary look.

"Look, Kurt." He started, but was stopped before he could continue.

"I know, El. I know, okay." Kurt plopped down on a chair laying his forehead on his arms as they came to rest on the counter. "It's crazy." He felt this close to banging his head against the counter, hoping it would somehow shake Blaine loose from up in there.

"It's not crazy, Kurt." Elliott sighed as he placed his hands on Kurt's back, rubbing up and down. "It's human."

Elliott knew all about Blaine, thus knowing the importance of this date. As did the rest of his friends. Thanks to a bit of liquid courage - _damn you, alcohol_ \- Kurt had told the story many times, to many different people, excluding his current boyfriend who remained completely in the dark - and if Kurt had anything to say about it, it would stay that way. The last thing he needed was for his real love life to collide with his imaginary love life. That could only end badly.

"I just don't get it, El." Kurt looked back at his friend. "How is he still in there?" He asked gesturing to his head. Elliott just smiled knowingly.

"I don't think the problem is that he's stuck in your head, Kurt." Elliott said as he turned him around in the chair. "I think the problem is that he's stuck in here..." He said as he put his hand on Kurt's chest, right above his heart. Kurt's eyes widened, remembering too vividly how Blaine had made that same gesture 3 years earlier. He shook his head, trying to rid it of the memory.

"No, no way." He was too quick to deny. "That part of me already belongs to someone else. And you know that." He reminded Elliott, who just gave him a long frustrated look before sighing. Kurt knew it meant he had decided to drop the subject and he was not so secretly glad. It was a discussion they had had many times before and it was getting old.

Elliott always trying to convince Kurt that it was possible to love two people at the same time and Kurt dismissing the idea completely. While the two of them were the same in many ways, the way they viewed love was totally different. Elliott was a free spirit who believed love was fluent, unpredictable and could encompass multiple people and genders at once. And that just didn't fit with Kurt's old-fashioned romantic perspective. He believed in soul-mates, one person for everyone. In his belief there would only ever be one perfect match for him. He had already found him – and it wasn't on a plane from New York to Ohio 3 years ago. His match was waiting for him at home. Their home. _You just keep telling yourself that_ , the voice in the back of his head taunted him. _Shut up_ , he snapped back. He had to stop spending so much time with Elliott, clearly his ridiculous notions were starting to get to him. He needed a change of subject, fast.

"So...how are things with your man?" He asked and suddenly Elliott blushed crimson red which was so uncommon for him. Normally it took a lot more to get his friend flustered.

"He is not my man!" Elliott protested. "We're just hanging out."

"And fucking like rabbits." Kurt added with a smirk.

"And fucking like rabbits." Elliott admitted as he sat down next to him and let out a long breath. Kurt eyed him for a moment. "Well, that's good, right? When will I meet him?"

"It's complicated." Elliott sighed. "Sebastian is...God, he's amazing. Hot, smart, successful, great in bed."

"Then what's the problem, El?" Kurt asked when he saw his friend slump resignedly next to him.

"He is also snarky, frustrating and infuriatingly distant." A pout spread on his friend's lips.

"That sucks." Kurt didn't know what else to say, it was clear Elliott was upset.

"Yeah. He doesn't want a relationship." And Kurt swore he saw the hint of tears in his eyes. It made him both sad for Elliott and angry at this Sebastian, all at the same time.

"I'm so sorry." Kurt smiled sadly at his friend. "But if this guy is leading you on, you need to put an end to it."

"Oh, he's not. That's the most frustrating thing about this. He told me from the beginning how this was gonna go. I think his exact words were: 'Just don't fall in love with me and we're good.' And I was dumb enough to go and do exactly that." Elliott moaned and Kurt couldn't help but think this guy sounded too full of himself. Who told people such a thing? _Douche-bags_.

"In a lot of ways he is your complete opposite and in other ways, you're so alike, it's scary." Elliott continued and Kurt felt slightly nauseated by being compared to this guy. "I mean, he is just as feisty as you and he's got the same razor sharp tongue. I bet if you two were ever in the same room having words, it would get explosive." _I don't doubt that_ , Kurt thought. _When I give him a piece of my mind about how he's treating my best friend._ If this guy was really anything like Elliott described Kurt knew a scenario like that could quickly escalate to nuclear levels. "This is him actually." Elliott said and then he was holding his phone in front of Kurt's face.

There was a slightly blurry picture on the screen where Elliott had zoomed in on a tall scrawny looking guy with light brown hair, green eyes and a face that reminded Kurt of a meerkat. He was smiling a leering smile at the camera with his giant horse teeth, a smile that made Kurt uncomfortable and he disliked him instantly. _Shit._ That could turn out to be a problem when his best friend seemed completely smitten with him. _I'll worry about that later_ , he thought. Meerkat had his arm around someone else, but most of that person was cropped out, all Kurt could see was one arm in a blue cardigan and what appeared to be a lose bow-tie hanging around the guy's neck. It immediately reminded Kurt of Blaine. Unfortunately the guy's face was out of focus and before Kurt could ask Elliott to zoom out on the picture the phone was snatched away. _Oh well_.

"Anyway, you'll probably never meet him." Elliott sighed and Kurt was secretly relieved, this guy seemed like bad news and definitely not good for his friend. "He's showed no interest in moving whatever we have outside the bedroom and rarely talk about his personal life." Kurt sensed there was more Elliott wanted to say.

"But?" He prodded.

"But...we are spending a lot of time together. Like...A LOT, Kurt." Elliott emphasized. "I feel like I've seen him more than I've seen you these last couple of months. And he's always reluctant to leave when we're...you know. Done. Or at least it feels like it. There's something in his eyes I can't quite read and I know I am not making it up." Elliot ranted. "And last night he asked if he could stay over and we watched a movie. He's never done that before, Kurt. Never. And when I woke up this morning he was cuddling me in his sleep, but when I mentioned it he got all weird and stormed out." Elliott had his elbows on the counter with his hands in his hair by the end of his speech, looking at Kurt for advice and Kurt really didn't know what to say.

"Listen, El." He began, wondering how to say this without getting his friend's hope up too much. "I don't know this guy, but it sounds to me like maybe he's confused."

"Really?" And when Elliott's eyes lit up with hope anyway, Kurt cursed himself.

"I said maybe. Don't get yourself all worked up about this only to get crushed later, El. It's not worth it." He thought about Blaine and his personal experience with hope. Yeah, hope could definitely be the worst thing ever when it turned out to be just an illusion. Against his better judgment and dislike of this Sebastian guy, he continued. "I think you should keep seeing him, but on his terms, don't put too much pressure on him or what you do together – or it will probably scare him off completely. He doesn't sound like a commitment type guy and if he is feeling something for you, he's probably scared."

"You think so?" Elliott asked surprised, it was not the response he'd expected.

"Yeah. Spend time together, see where it goes. But the second you feel it becoming too much emotionally, you break it off. Promise me."

"Thanks, Kurt. I promise." Elliott smiled at him warmly and he smiled back.

"Anytime El. Anytime." Then a bell dinged signaling a new customer and Elliott cringed as he looked in the direction of the door.

"Your clone is back." He said and Kurt rolled his eyes. In the last few weeks this guy had begun frequenting the diner and all of his co-workers had dubbed him "Kurt Clone." They found it hilarious. Kurt found it annoying. After all, this guy didn't look _that_ much like him. Did he?

Sure, he was about the same height and build, had the same pale complexion with brown hair and blue eyes. And sure, he dressed well. But not as fabulously as Kurt himself. For example, he knew for a fact that the red scarf around the guy's neck was last season. There was no way Kurt would be caught dead in last season's attire. He had standards. Besides, the guy's face was nothing like his own, but Kurt could acknowledge that he was good-looking, if you were into that kind of thing. Which Kurt was most certainly not. He liked his guys more compact and tan. That this guy happened to also share his name was a freaky coincidence, but it did not make them clones, he thought stubbornly.

Kurt watched as the guy sat down in a booth looking around as if he was expecting someone, but paid him no more attention than that, instead he glanced at the clock and almost fell off the chair when he saw what time it was. "Crap, my shift ended 10 minutes ago and I'm late. He's your headache now." He threw in Elliott's general direction as he took off to remove his uniform and change into his regular clothes, he was not riding the subway wearing that atrocity. He heard Elliott laugh behind him.

"You just don't wanna confront your twin." He sing-songed and really, Elliott had a point. Kurt had yet to actually serve... _other_ Kurt as he referred to him as. It just weirded him out, plus he knew his co-workers were just dying to get the two of them to stand next to each other so they could take a picture for prosperity to put on the wall and there was no way Kurt was letting that happen.

"Ignoring you." He sing-songed back as he buttoned his jacket and Elliott appeared in the doorway. "I'm heading out the back, El." He said and waved at his friend. "See ya, Kurt." Elliott waved back and then Kurt was out the door. Had he stayed just 5 more minutes or left through the front door he would have locked eyes with familiar golden orbs. But he didn't. If only he had, it could have saved many people a lot of heartache. Himself included.

When Kurt got home, it was to a delicious smell coming from the kitchen and a candlelit dinner table. He slipped out of his shoes and jacket and walked into the kitchen where his arms found their way around a tiny waist. "Sorry, I'm late. I got talking with El and forgot about the time." He said as he pressed a kiss to the man's neck, burying his face is his wild dark hair.

A small chuckle escaped as the man leaned back into Kurt's embrace and a soft rich voice sighed. "You're forgiven." Kurt turned him around and pressed a kiss to his full lips. When they parted his boyfriend was looking up at him with big brown eyes full of adoration. "I made dinner, it's your favorite, lemon Tarragon Salmon with Greek salad." He said and Kurt smiled. "I noticed. Special occasion?" He asked and really hoped he hadn't forgotten anything.

"You do know our anniversary isn't until next week, right?" He teased as he straightened the bow tie around his boyfriends neck while said boyfriend blushed lightly, the pink barely visible due to his slightly tan skin. "I know. I just wanted to do something special for you." Kurt kissed him again, because he just had to. "You're the best, I don't deserve you." Then he added: "I am gonna go on the computer really quick to post an article, it shouldn't take more than 20 minutes, that alright?"

"That's fine, sweety. Dinner won't be done until then anyway." A parting kiss was exchanged and with that he left to his office where he turned on the computer and sat in his chair, waiting for it to come to life. As he waited he couldn't help but smile when he heard his boyfriend singing to himself in the kitchen. He was so cute.

Going to his email, he retrieved the article he'd written earlier that day. He had debated posting it since it wasn't exactly professional, but he really wanted to share the news with his readers on the website. He looked it over quickly, spell checking and proof reading to make sure there were no mistakes. He wasn't a perfectionist for nothing.

 _Dear Passion for Fashion Followers_ , it read.

 _It's your favorite trend-spotter here. For once I am not coming to you with the latest trends on fall fashion. This is a personal entry. I have exciting news. I was promoted today and will be attending my first real fashion related event next week. What event could that possibly be, you may be thinking? Here's a hint; there will be a lot of walking. Yes, you guessed it. I'm reviewing the Free Garment District Neighborhood Walking Tour. I can't wait. It's one of those things I've wanted to try since I moved here but never had the time to do._ _But don't worry, I am not abandoning this blog. I'm just expanding my horizons._

 _Stay fabulous,_

 _Kurt Hummel_

That should do it. Short and to the point. He smiled a satisfied smile and clicked send. Then he rejoined his boyfriend in the kitchen for a glass of white wine before dinner and as he sipped the sweet drink he couldn't help but think that everything was coming together in his life nicely. Then just as they sat down to eat, Kurt noticed that his boyfriend seemed nervous. He was fidgeting in his seat and barely ate any of the fancy food he himself had cooked. "You okay, honey? You barely touched your dinner. I know you're no crazy about salmon, but you have to eat."

"Yeah, I'm alright. Don't worry." His boyfriend smiled. "Do you like the food?"

"It's delicious, baby." He swallowed another bite. "But you already know you're an excellent cook."

"Thanks." His boyfriend answered, smiling shyly and Kurt started to wonder what was going on. "I'm glad you like it. I wanted tonight to be perfect."

"Why?" Kurt inquired. "What's so special about tonight?" That was the moment his better half chose to get to his feet, only to drop to one knee right away and fishing a little black box from his pocket. Kurt's breathing stopped. Was that what he thought it was? _Is this really happening?_ Then the box popped open and a beautiful golden ring was revealed. _OMG! This is happening! He is proposing!_

"Kurt." He began. "I know we have only known each other for a couple years, but I really feel like you're the one. You are kind and selfless, funny as hell and so so beautiful. I love our life together and I love you."

"I love you too." The tears were welling up in Kurt's eyes.

"I know this is sudden and I originally wanted to do it on the anniversary of the day we got together, although I thought it might be too cliché and in the end I couldn't wait that long. But now hopefully today will be our new anniversary."

 _Anniversary_. That word jolted Kurt out of his happy haze. But this day was already an anniversary. Of all the days in the year, his boyfriend was proposing on the anniversary of the day he met Blaine. _No. No, no, no._ It felt wrong for some reason to replace that memory with this one.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Kurt. So will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

Oh God. Why was this happening to him? That was all Kurt could think in that moment. And it was so so wrong. That was not what you were supposed to think when someone was proposing to you. But he couldn't help it. No matter how bittersweet it was, for the last 3 years he had kept this day and the memory attached to it close to his heart. Like the anniversaries of his mother's as well as Finn's deaths, this date was reserved for mourning Blaine and them, because even though Blaine wasn't dead in the literal sense, the dream of them as a couple had both begun and ended that day and Kurt felt like a part of him had been forever lost since. It felt like a death of some sort so he treated it as one.

Now he was being asked to cancel that out with a happy memory and it felt like betrayal. It felt like he would be betraying Blaine, by saying yes. But it was stupid. It was irrational. And he knew it. He would most likely never seen Blaine again. He was a fantasy, that was all he was, would ever be and here Kurt had a flesh and blood guy in front of him, asking him to share his life with him. There should be no competition. Then why did it feel like there was?

 _No_ , he thought. _Get it together, Kurt_. He reprimanded himself. _Look at him, look at the guy in front of you. This is the closest you are ever gonna get._ And for the first time he allowed himself to think the thoughts he had kept under wraps since the beginning of their relationship. _You basically found the one guy in all of New York who looks enough like Blaine, that they could be brothers._

It wasn't a lie. His boyfriend was more or less a copy of Blaine in almost every way. From the way he looked, to the way he dressed. Only the bow ties were a thing Kurt had introduced him to and he only wore them because he knew it for some reason made Kurt really happy when he did. _Some reason. yeah. More like one particular reason_ , Kurt thought and felt nauseous. God, Elliott had been right all along, he was still in love with Blaine. So much that he had unconsciously molded his current boyfriend after him. Who does something like that? That wasn't normal. Something was wrong with him. Then he realized...good lord, even their names sound alike. It was...disturbing.

But it didn't change the fact that he did love this boy in front him – who was on his knees - looking up at him with expectant eyes full of love, it didn't change the fact he enjoyed his company or that this boy made him feel loved each and every day - and wasn't that exactly what he had always dreamed of? Someone who would hold him through the night? Someone who would massage his feet after a long day at the diner? Someone who would buy him flowers for no reason and make his favorite dish for dinner just to make him happy - even though he didn't care much for salmon himself. Someone who would hold his hand walking down the street and make slow sweet love to him while whispering tender declarations in his ear? A fantasy couldn't do any of that. But this boy could, this boy did. This boy was real and he was here and he was offering all of that to Kurt, to have...always.

As he dropped to his knees in front of his boyfriend, decision made, he cupped his cheek with shaking hands and leaned in to whisper: "Yes, Blake. I'll marry you. My answer is yes." Then he was being swept up in a passionate kiss as the ring was slipped on his finger and he was carried to the bedroom by his, now fiance, to celebrate. He didn't sleep much that night though, instead he lay awake while Blake slept soundly beside him, just staring at the ring, trying to get used to the feel of it...and failing. He was pretty sure an engagement wasn't suppose to feel like this. But it was too late. He'd made his choice. Now he had to live with it...and he would be happy, he decided. But not tonight. No, tonight he would wallow in thoughts of what could have been before saying goodbye to the idea of Blaine forever, then starting tomorrow he would be the happiest man on the planet and begin planning for the wedding. _Wedding planning_ , he thought with a new-found excitement, he had been preparing for this since he was 7 and now it would actually happen. He just hoped that somewhere out there, Blaine was happy too.

 _Please be happy, Blaine._


	5. Chapter 5

**Author note: I'm so sorry for how I ended this. I'm cruel, I know. I'm also aware that the chapters are getting shorter and shorter, it's not on purpose, I swear. Pure coincidence. Also...the whole turquoise vs Dior Grey thing, is an idea I stole from another fic. I don't remember the name of it, but in it Kurt uses a turquoise pen to write hand-written letters on Dior Grey paper and I just loved that, it seems so Kurt. So I borrowed and adapted it ;)**

November 30th 2017

Blaine comes barging through the front doors of NYU and almost falls on his ass as he slips on a chunk of ice on the sidewalk. He curses the weather. _Should have picked LA, like Cooper suggested_ , he thinks, but only for a second. Kurt is in New York after all and now he has a shot at finding him. For the first time in over 3 years, he has a real chance. Luckily a pair of strong arms are there to catch him before he can hurt himself and he looks up into slightly amused green eyes.

"Slow down, killer." Sebastian laughs as he steadies him, a cup of coffee balancing precariously in his one hand. "The roads are deadly today."

"Sorry, thanks, gotta go." He manages to force out before he's off again, but at a more careful pace this time. The last thing he needs to do is break something. That would severely put his mission on hold. Behind him Sebastian is yelling after him. "Where's the fire? You know we have classes in like 5 minutes?" Blaine doesn't stop to answer. "Blaine? BLAINE?! Mr. H is gonna kill you!" Sebastian's voice trails off in the distance as Blaine rounds the corner to the subway.

He knows it's a bad idea skipping school, especially since Mr. Hennessy, the music history teacher doesn't like him as it is, Blaine doesn't know why, and is gonna have his head on a platter tomorrow for cutting class, but he needs to get home right now. This can't wait. It's too important. He just found out what could turn out to be the most significant piece of information of his entire life; past, present and future included – this news could affect it all.

Ironically he had been 10 minutes early to music history, wanting to make a better impression on Mr. H, futile as he knew it probably was this late in the game – Blaine couldn't help it though, he was a people pleaser, he wanted to be liked, so he had to try. But as he was sitting in the class room alone, the only student bothering to show up this early and bored out of his mind, he had decided to open his phone and check his neglected email. His personal email, that is. Not his school email, which was one he checked pretty much every day for school assignments and other student/teacher related things.

Only very few people had his personal email address and even fewer actually used it, it was as old-fashioned as writing a physical letter. Who bothered to email people these days when they had the brilliant inventions of phone calls or even text messaging as a substitute? Only his father. If it wasn't for Richard Anderson's insistence on stilted formality via email instead of picking up a damn phone, Blaine would probably have deleted it a long time ago.

But then there's his notifications. He's subscribed to a few booklets online. The show choir blogs are one example, the arts and crafts newsletter is another that he's not so proud of - but so what if he likes scrap-booking or making macaroni art or designing hand puppets, it doesn't make him any less of a man. The most important one had to be Kurt's Vogue column though. _Passion for Fashion_ had been one of his guilty pleasures way back before he'd even met Kurt and ever since their meeting his interest in it had intensified. Unfortunately the blog didn't have a comment section or a way to get it touch with the writer, only a like button - so all he could do was read Kurt's words - it still made Blaine feel closer to him somehow.

When he saw the alert for Kurt's tag he had been surprised though, he could tell from the date that it had been posted last Friday and that was out of the norm, Kurt usually only updated on Wednesdays and today was Monday which was why Blaine hadn't bothered to check his email earlier. But if he had thought that was unusual, his eyes had widened comically when he read the actual update. For once it wasn't a piece on trends, but a personal tidbit about his life.

Blaine had smiled widely when he'd read about Kurt's promotion, lost in a proud haze on Kurt's behalf, until it struck him. He went back to be sure he'd read correctly and there it was, black on white...or well, bright turquoise on very tasteful Dior Grey, even the blog's color scheme was stylish. _And Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God!_ Kurt had just told him where he was! Or where he was gonna be! Blaine had been out of his seat in seconds.

As he runs up the stairs and unlocks the door to the apartment he swings it open with too much force, making it smash hard against the wall with a loud bang. It makes his roommates who are in the middle of a heated make-out session fall off the couch with a start. "Ouch!" Jeff yells as he tumbles to the floor with his boyfriend Nick, who lands on top of him and manages to elbow him in the ribs at the same time. "Oh my God, baby. Are you okay?" Nick exclaims, quickly getting up and off him.

"I'll live." Jeff says as he rubs his side, then accepts the hand Nick offers. When he's back on his feet he turns towards the door. "What the hell, Blaine!?"

"Sorry, guys." Blaine has the decency to look sheepish. "But I'm in a hurry."

With that he storms into his room, but doesn't bother to close the door, before he grabs his Macbook from the bed and switches it on as he sits down at his desk. _God, could it turn on any slower!?_ He taps his nails on the table, waiting impatiently – _tap tap tap, tap tap tap_ – over and over until another hand covers his own, making him stop. When he looks up Jeff and Nick are standing beside him, so different to each other, he thinks; one tall and blond, the other shorter with brown hair. Blaine can't help but think they still somehow fit.

"Quit that." Jeff says. "It's annoying." But Blaine can tell from the tone of his voice, that his friend is kidding. Mostly. "Do you have something you wanna share with the class? Like why you're home at this hour, when you should actually be in said class?" He asks cheekily while his boyfriend drops down on the bed watching their exchange instead of engaging in it. Nick always were the more calm and reflective one of the two, maybe overly so – and that is extremely different from Jeff who is hyper-active and talkative. As a couple they were balanced though, which probably explains why Niff works so well together.

"No." Blaine answers, even if he is bursting to tell the news. "Do you?" He counters, knowing full well that they are not supposed to be home either. As the home screen comes up, he clicks the internet icon and goes to Google.

"I asked first." Jeff sits down next to the computer on Blaine's less than sturdy furniture.

"Fine, I skipped class." Blaine says as he types. "Ass off the table, Sterling."

"Ugh, you're touchy today." Jeff says, but complies with the request, instead joining Nick as Blaine keeps his focus on the screen, his back to the bed. A short time later he finds was he is looking for and begins reading.

 _4th of December - 11th of December._

 _Free Garment District Neighborhood Walking Tours:_

 _Explore New York City's Garment District during this one-and-a-half-to-two-hour tour, led by Mike Kaback. You might visit a private showroom, a sample sale, Mood Designer Fabrics and more, all while learning about the neighborhood's historic background and importance. The tour—which_ _starts at 10am on weekdays and 2pm on Sundays at the northeast corner of Seventh Avenue and West 39th Street—is free, but reservations are required; you can make them by emailing:_ _mikesnyctours._

 _Free? Yes! This just keeps getting better and better!_ Blaine writes down the email address planning on sending one right away. As he opens up a new document he begins typing.

 _Hello,_

 _I am interested in your Free Garment District tour and I hear reservations are required. I was wondering if you could tell me if a Mr. Kurt Hummel has made a reservation and in that case what date he's signed up for?_

 _Thank you in advance._

 _Blaine Anderson_

He clicks send, crosses his fingers and prays. Then some suspicious squeaky sounds makes him roll his eyes. "You guys better not be violating my bed."

"You're such a cock-blocker, Blainey." Jeff whines over dramatically from the bed where he's curled up with Nick. "I mean, first the couch, now the bed. I'm getting blue balls." Blaine can hear Nick chuckle in the background and his lips twitches.

"Don't call me that. It makes me feel like a 5-year old." He drawls as he moves the cursor around aimlessly willing his email to pop up with a new email alert. "And what exactly, my dear _Jeffie_...is wrong with doing it on your _own_ perfectly fine bed, in your _own_ perfectly fine room, behind your _own_ perfectly fine _closed_ door, anyway?"

"It's not very adventurous, is it?" Jeff points out.

"Oh, I disagree." Another voice comes from the doorway, making the three others turn around startled. Sebastian stands in the door, red in the cheeks looking like he's just run 5 blocks. "At least with your bed, Jeff. That thing is so lumpy, the minute I put my ass down it felt like I was getting raped by Jack the Ripper." He pauses briefly, thinking it over, then continues. "Or getting fingered by Captain Hook. I still haven't decided if I liked it or not, but it sure was an adventure."

"Must you be so crass, Sebby?" Jeff complains. "And how did you get in here? The door's locked."

"Well. To answer your questions. 1. Yes, I must. And 2. That's not important." He says as he walks inside. "Anyway, if we are talking places and positions to do it, then I much prefer bending someone over the kitchen table." He adds with a glint in his eye. "Wouldn't you agree, Blaine?" Blaine chokes on air, blushing beet red from knowing exactly what he's talking about. On the bed Jeff is looking from one to the other, bewildered. The the ball drops.

"Blaine, you didn't!" Jeff yells, then he gets to his feet, placing his hands on his hips as Nick tries to hold him back. "That is unsanitary!"

"It was one time!" Blaine says trying to calm his friend down, it doesn't work.

"It wasn't just one time, Blaine. And you know it." Sebastian interrupts, smirking.

"Not helping, Seb!" Blaine groans, making him snicker, before Jeff picks up where he left off. "We eat in there!" He wails horrified.

"I was drunk!" Blaine defends himself.

"That's no excuse!"

"I'm sorry, okay?" He tries, but Jeff just ignores him going on a spiel and Blaine knows he's just warming up. "The double standards, I swear to God, you have no leg to stand on. No complaining about us on the couch from now on! And the kitchen, Blaine?! Really!? If the bed wasn't enough why couldn't you do it in the shower like normal people?!"

"Oh, we did it there too." Sebastian butts in yet again. "I don't know what you're so upset about anyway, Jeff. It's not like you're a stranger to cum in your..."

"SEBASTIAN!" Blaine, Jeff and Nick all scream at the same time. "Finish that sentence, I dare you." Jeff challenges, eyes of steel turning on him, making Sebastian reconsider his urge to elaborate. He doesn't want to get killed after all.

"Why are we friends with him again?" Nick asks.

"I ate scrambled eggs at that table this morning!" Jeff shudders as his boyfriend rubs his back soothingly.

"We cleaned up the mess! I promise." Blaine says.

"Eww, eww, eww, eww, eww! Spare me the details. I don't want to hear about it. Boundaries, Blaine! There. Must. Be. Boundaries!" Jeff is livid.

Blaine sighs and turns to Sebastian who just looks bemused. "See what you started?" The man just shrugs and sends Nick a pointed look. "Rein in your wife, would you Nicky? Before he has an aneurysm or something."

"Shut the hell up, Sebastian!" Blaine snaps, as the memory of what happened to Kurt's brother resurfaces. "You don't fucking joke about something like that, ever!" His voice may have been a little too high, because all three boys shut up instantly and is now staring at him like he has three heads. Angry Blaine is scary and not someone they come in contact with often. Not even Sebastian dares mess with him. A pregnant silence follows. Of course, Jeff is the one who eventually breaks it.

"Touchy today, isn't he?" He repeats his earlier statement to the others with a raised eyebrow, who both nod.

"I am _not_ touchy, I'm just wound up right now." Blaine has turned back to the computer. "What are you doing here anyway, Seb?"

"Well, excuse you." Sebastian says affronted. "I'm sorry for worrying about you when you just took off this morning. It's not like you."

"Awh. I'm touched." Blaine puts a hand to his chest. "Better be careful, Seb. Or people will start to think you have a heart."

"Shut up." He mumbles. "You know I care about you." Blaine smiles. "I know." They share a look. "Okay, enough of this feelings crap." Sebastian says. "Are you gonna tell us what's got your panties in a twist or not?"

"Kurt." Blaine says and all the guys groan simultaneously.

"I thought we talked about this, Blaine?" Jeff moans as he puts his head in his hands.

"No, no. Listen to me." Blaine interjects. "I have a real lead this time." He points to the screen where the window is open on Kurt's blog. "Read it." All three boys lean in.

"What's the big deal?" Sebastian says eventually. "He just got a promotion, so what?"

"Huh, the light's on but there's no one home." Jeff states as he pretends to look into Sebastian's ear while the other boy pushes him away. "Don't you get it Seb. Kurt basically just revealed where he's gonna be. Blaine can find him! This is huge!" Jeff is bouncing up and down.

"It really is. And the tour is free!" Blaine beams and shows them the tour website. "I already emailed them for information and asked about Kurt. I should be getting a response any minute now." Just in that moment an alert comes up. "Speak of the devil." Blaine quickly clicks on it, then his face falls.

 _Dear Mr. Anderson,_

 _Thank you for your interest in our tour. Unfortunately we are not allowed to give out that kind of information, but if you are still interested we are happy to inform you that there's free spots available on all days._

 _Best Regards,_

 _Mike Kaback_

He let's his head fall to the keyboard with a clank. "Why does the universe hate me?" All three boys look at him with sympathy.

"You are not gonna give up are you?" Nick asks.

"You can't give up, Blaine." Jeff agrees with his boyfriend.

"No, of course not." Blaine says. "I'm just not sure what to do now. This thing runs for a week, but I don't know what day he'll be there and I can't skip that much school or Hr. H is totally gonna flunk me and then NYU is definitely gonna cut me."

"Well, Sunday is a given." Nick says and Blaine nods. "Now you just have to pick a week day."

"I know. But how am I supposed to do that? This could possibly be the biggest decision of my life."

"Just...pick the one that feels right." Jeff suggests. "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

"Alright." He takes a deep breath, thinks it over in his head. "Tuesday." He settles on. "Tuesday it is. He usually posts on Wednesdays. It makes sense that he'll need a day to write the review before posting it." Blaine sends in his reservations for both Tuesday and Sunday and quickly gets confirmation. He feels nervous. _I really hope I picked the right day. Please let it be the right day._

"Well, good luck." Sebastian says as he pats him on the back. "I gotta get going, I have a..."

"Sexy rendezvous with the glitter rock vampire?" Jeff teases.

"Yes. As a matter of fact." Sebastian smiles and actually blushes which doesn't go unnoticed by anyone in the room.

"You've been seeing him a lot." Jeff states.

"So what if I have?" Sebastian's trying to sound casual but even to his own ears it comes off false.

"I think what Jeff is trying to say is..." Blaine's standing up from his chair and walking to Sebastian's side, then he starts singing. "You think he's gorgeous, you want to kiss him, you want to hug him, you want to love him, you want to smooch him..." He is quickly joined by Jeff and even Nick as they dance around Sebastian who looks less than impressed and scoffs.

"You're ridiculous." He says and rolls his eyes. "It's a booty call. That's all it is." Then he leaves and they hear the door slam.

"Wait." Nick says and looks at Jeff like he's just realized something. "Jeff?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"How did he know what our bed feels like?" They both turn to stare accusingly at Blaine who puts up his hands. "Hey, don't look at me." A beat, then... "SEBASTIAN!" Niff is out the door in the next second and Blaine laughs. His friends are hilarious.

Tuesday finds Blaine at the northeast corner of Seventh Avenue and West 39th Street at 10 am. He runs down the street until reaching a small opening to a shop with a sign that says "Garment Tours." A lot of people are already gathered, more than he expected as he lines up to check in. When he reaches the counter and gets ready to sign his name, the lady behind him bumps into him, making him drop the pen on the floor.

It is as he bends down behind the small women to pick it up, that he sees a flash of gorgeous long legs and knee-high boots run by him that instantly reminds him of something. He's somehow sure those boots were featured on Kurt's blog last week. He stands up abruptly, looking around but the owner of the boots is gone and out the door before he can even straighten and turn around. _Hmm_. He looks back to the sheet and is putting pen to paper when a name catches his eye. There...a few rows below his own, is a name he's dreamed about for over 3 years now. Kurt Hummel is spelled out in thick black letters and beside it is a neat curvy signature. That's when it hits him. Kurt is here! _He is here. I found him!_

He looks around again, scanning the crowd, but finds no familiar brown coif of hair or clear blue eyes. First he waits, eagerly keeping an eye on the door, but there is no Kurt in sight and his heart sinks, when the tour starts and Kurt's still not there he joins anyway, hoping he just got temporarily distracted and will show up again eventually. Kurt doesn't. Two hours later, Blaine goes home teary-eyed and miserable. _I missed him. It was my one chance and I blew it._

He cries that night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author note: I am not even gonna apologize for the wait, because I did warn you :P There's a little shout out to Queer as Folk in this :)**

December 2017

When Kurt walks into the diner Tuesday morning for his two-hour shift he is reluctant to take his gloves off. He's spent his entire engagement weekend trying desperately to get used to the ring, but it still feels too heavy on his finger and he still hasn't been able to get himself to share the big news with anyone. He hasn't even called his father and Carole yet and it raises a big red flag in the back of his mind, even though he claims that he just wants some time for himself to bask in being engaged to Blake before he let's his family and friends know.

At least that's the excuse he told Blake when he'd asked why he wasn't calling people right away. His boyfriend...no... _fiance_...had looked at him funny, but in the end he didn't push the subject. Blake never pushed too hard...or pushed him at all. There was no challenge. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not? After all, how could you really appreciate the calm when you never fought and therefore had nothing to compare it to? Their relationship was like an ocean with no waves. Or maybe more like a pond with no movement...something that would eventually turn the water from clear to murky. Okay, he had to stop with the weird metaphors, he was thinking too much about this.

As he changed into his uniform and got ready to face the crazy that was his co-workers, he unconsciously shoved his left hand under his apron and made a bee-line for Elliott, eager to catch up, he hadn't seen him for 3 days after all. He finds him hovering at the counter.

"Hey El. Nice weekend?" Kurt asks as Elliot puts up a finger in a 'wait a second' kind of way as he accept a tray of drinks. "Kurt, hey. I gotta drop these off really quick at table 5, then we'll catch up. I have gossip and it's juicy." Kurt nods, now very intrigued by Elliott's words, watching as the guy descends on the table filled with teenage girls who all blushes as he serves them. It's the same thing everywhere Elliott goes, girls and guys alike find him irresistible and Kurt has to smile at that.

He can acknowledge that his friend is very handsome, yet personally he's never found himself attracted to Elliott in that way. Eyeliner and tattoos didn't really do it for him, besides that Elliott was taller than him and that just didn't work for Kurt. He preferred guys shorter than himself. _But that wasn't always true, was it?_ He had definitely had that unfortunate crush on Finn when he was a teenager as well as Sam and they were both taller than him. However, that was before...Blaine. _Dammit, there you go thinking about him again. Stop it! You are an engaged man!_ He focuses back on his friend who's finishing up much slower than usually because the girls won't let him leave and as soon as Elliott got his back to the table he rolls his eyes making Kurt hide a laugh behind his hand.

"That is getting really old." He moans as he drops down next to Kurt.

"Oh yeah, the hard life of a heartthrob." Kurt muses.

"Shut up, please."

"It's true and you know it."

"I know. I have freaky attraction powers." Elliott concedes and had it been anyone else, Kurt would have rolled his eyes, but with Elliott it's just a fact, everyone knows it and therefore there's nothing egocentric about his statement. "But what good are these powers when I can't use them to my advantage and make the one guy I actually want fall for me?" He continues.

"No change this weekend with Sebastian?" Kurt asks.

"None." Elliott pouts. "Actually, ever since I called him out on the cuddling, he's gone back to being distant and it sucks, it's like he's totally immune to my charms...kinda like you, Kurt." Elliott accuses.

"You got him to sleep with you and he wants to spend more time with you, he doesn't sound as unaffected by your 'charms', as you seem to think." Kurt rationalizes. "And don't even go there, may I remind you that you were never attracted to me either."

"So we're both repulsed by each other. Great." Elliott deadpans and Kurt shoves him playfully.

"It is, actually. It means we can be besties without the repercussions that comes with attraction. Sex just complicates things."

"Hey. I resent that. Two gay guys who are attracted to each other can be _just_ friends."

"Really, El?" Kurt raises an eyebrow. "Do I need to remind you of Justin...or Michael. Or what was his name...that player who's always hanging out at the club, Brian. Name just one gay guy you found appealing and have stayed _just_ friends with. I dare you."

"Uhhhhh." Elliott's eyebrows knit together in concentration.

"That's what I thought." Kurt smirks.

"I'm thinking!" Elliott exclaims.

"I can see that." Kurt deadpans.

"Oh, I know. There was that guy who...no, wait...never mind." Elliott looks like he going through his entire mental catalog of hook-ups and Kurt knows that if that's the case, they'll be there all day and he really don't have time for that. He's only here for the morning shift.

"It looks like you're in pain. Don't hurt yourself." Kurt grins.

"Haha, very funny. But, you win. I can't believe I really don't have a single attractive gay friend on my friends list, that I haven't had in my bed as well. And that reminds me, when are you coming back to Facebook?"

"I can believe it. The male sex-drive is a powerful thing." Kurt smiles, then pales as he hears Elliott's question. "And oh, how about never." His Facebook account had been deactivated right after his brother's death when he started getting hateful messages from people telling him that Finn had been punished and killed by God, because he had dared show support for a dirty homosexual like Kurt. He really didn't want to open up that Pandora's box again.

"It's been years, Kurt." Elliott says.

"I don't care, El. I'm not coming back to that place. You can have fun poking someone else or whatever it is you do on there so much." Kurt knows his voice leaves no room for discussion and Elliott knows it too. "Anyway, didn't you have gossip to share? What happened to that?"

"Oh right. I got sidetracked." Elliott looks really excited all of a sudden. "So, listen. Last Friday after you left, something happened. Something really strange." Kurt just motions with his hands for Elliott to go on. "Okay, so you already know your clone showed up, right." Kurt nods. "Well. He wasn't alone. About 5 minutes after you left another guy joined him and I swear to God, the dude was like the spitting image of Blake." Elliott's eyes are getting bigger and bigger and his hand gestures are as well. "And I am watching the two...Kurt Clone and Blake Clone and I realize they're on a date. But it didn't really look like Blake Clone was that into what Kurt Clone was saying. He was like, in his own world, it looked like. And I was sure Kurt Clone was about to get dumped."

"What happened?" Kurt asks, curious despite himself because if what Elliott is saying is true, it is really weird. What are the chances of something like that happening? His look-alike dating his boyfriend's look-alike?

"They left together. Like together, together. No doubt what they were about to do, I know body language like that." Elliott says. "Man, I wish I had had a camera with me to document it. It felt like I was stuck in the Twilight Zone. Seriously. It was bizarre."

"Sometimes reality is stranger than fiction." Kurt says. "You wouldn't happen to have gotten Blake Clone's name did you?"

"No, why?" Elliott asks confused. "He never introduced himself."

"Just thought it would be fun to see if their names match too." Kurt says.

"I like the way you think." Elliott grins. "We so need to start Mission: Get Blake Clone's Name!"

"Oh no. Not we. You are not dragging me into this insanity." Kurt insists.

"Awh, but Kurtie." Elliott whines.

"El. No." Kurt says, trying to sound firm, but failing, because the time has come to reveal his own gossip and he's nervous, the ring on his finger burning a hole in his uniform where it's still hidden behind the apron. But before he can say anything, Santana comes stomping their way and her eyes narrow as they focus on his hidden hand.

"Kurt. My Mexican Third Eye is telling me that you're hiding something." _Fuck, how does she do that?!_

"Um..I..eh...I mean..." He stutters as he's put on the spot and Santana must decide she doesn't have the patience for it, because instead of waiting for him to finish she grabs his hand, pulling it out and revealing the shining piece of jewelry. "Do you mind!?" But Santana just ignores him.

"No puedo creerlo!" She exclaims as she sees the ring and Kurt doesn't speak Spanish so he doesn't know what she's saying - but it doesn't sound positive. Beside her Elliott seems to have lost his ability to speak as he just stares at Kurt's hand.

"Um...surprise? I'm engaged?" Kurt decides to make light of it as his friends continues to stare at his hand like it's an attraction at the Zoo.

"Eres loca!" Santana states before she's called to a table and again Kurt doesn't think it's anything good.

"Why did that sound like a question, Kurt?" Elliott, who seems to have found his voice again asks.

"What?" Kurt looks at him dumbly.

"The way you said it, it kinda sounded like you didn't know if you said yes or not?" Elliott is looking really conflicted and his question makes Kurt defensive.

"Of course I said yes." Kurt bites out.

"But did you want to say yes?" Elliott asks.

"What kind of question is that?" Kurt asks annoyed.

"It means that just because you are proposed to, it doesn't mean you have to say yes, Kurt." Elliott presses on and Kurt can feel his anger flare.

"What kind of friend asks questions like these when someone tells them they're engaged?!"

"A friend who has your best interest at heart."

"You are unbelievable, Elliot!" And that's the point Kurt decides he's had enough, huffs and storms off leaving Elliott in the dust.

"Kurt?" Elliott calls after him. "KURT!? Come on, dude. Don't be like that."

They don't talk for the rest of the shift and when Kurt leaves around 9:30 am to go on his fashion assignment, he doesn't say goodbye either. Elliott was out of line and Kurt is not gonna be the first to break and approach the other man. This is not how he imagined his friends would react to his big news and he is both hurt and disappointed. The day is not off to a great start and he has a feeling it's just gonna get worse.

Kurt actually only needs about 15 minutes to get to the location where the Garment Tours are held. He prefers being early to being late. Better safe than sorry and is pleased when he walks in and there's no queue at the desk. _Perfect_. He walks to the counter where he is handed a clipboard with a list of names and jumps straight to the H's without scanning the rest of the paper. Quickly signing his name, he settles in to people watch. The room is quickly filling up and he's surprised by how packed it is for a cold December day. This tour must be really good considering it's popularity and he can feel himself getting even more excited than he already was about this assignment.

Yet, his mind lingers on his fallout with Elliott. He picks up his phone going straight to his text messages. It's stands there open on his conversation with Elliott and the cursor blinks at him, almost mockingly. Should he apologize? Had Elliott been right to question his engagement? Had Kurt been wrong to snap at him? _No, he had no right to meddle like that._ He puts the phone back in his pocket. _He owes you an apology, not the other way around._ He sighs, leaning back in the chair to take a deep breath and calm down but can't stop himself from running his hands through his hair in frustration. _Fuck!_ Great, now that needs fixing, it's just as well. He needs a bathroom break anyway before the tour starts and he only has a few minutes. He gets up and enters the bathroom just as the door jingles again signaling another arrival, but he doesn't turn around to see who it is, he has no reason to. If he had though, then he would have seen a certain curly-haired male enter.

The bathrooms are nice and bright and he looks in the mirror, studies himself with critical eyes the way he always does, the way he's done since he was a teenager. Not a lot has changed, not his looks or the way he sees himself. He is still too effeminate in his own mind. In _their_ minds. The way they saw him has become the way he sees himself. Years of bullying will do that to you. Slurs, slushies, locker slams, dumpster tosses. They chipped away at his confidence until little by little what he originally saw as radiant became pale, what he judged as slender became skinny, what he regarded as unique became girly; everything he had viewed as special about himself had become nothing but freaky. None of the physical attributes he has are things he's attracted to himself when it comes to men and he really doesn't get how anyone could find him "beautiful." Yet, someone did.

" _Don't look at me. I'm a mess."_

" _No, you're beautiful."_

Blaine, again. Of course. _Typical_. He shakes his head. Now is not the time to take a trip down memory lane. Especially not a street that's been proven a dead-end road. He should stop living in the past and focus on his future. He is lucky after all. Engaged at 22. He did it. He found someone who wanted him. Someone who wanted to give him his happily ever after. Maybe it wasn't the Prince Charming of his dreams, but he was close. Close enough. _And honestly_ , Kurt thinks as he stares at his reflection, _with the look you have, you should count your blessings_. That he ever managed to land a guy like Blake is a miracle. Blake, who also called him beautiful. More than anything Kurt wants to _feel_ beautiful. But he relies on others to do so. That's why he said yes. He doesn't want to be alone. In his loneliness all he feels is ugly. But that is something someone like Elliott will never understand. Couldn't possibly understand. Unlike Kurt, his friend's confidence comes from the inside and not other people and that is why everyone flocks to him like moths to a flame – while they usually shy away from Kurt like he has the plague.

He drops his own dull gaze to open his messenger bag that always holds a can of hairspray for just these occasions and styles his hair back to his signature coif. As soon as it's done, he feels better. Like he can breathe again. Like he is untouchable. His armor is back up. He finishes his business and washes his hands and when he looks at the clock it's just after 10am. He needs to get back out there. Naturally in that moment his phone rings, he considers ignoring it, but when he sees it's his boss he picks up right way.

"Isabelle, what's going on?"

"Kurt! Thank God." Isabelle's frantic voice come on the line. "Please tell me you're not already on the tour."

"No, I was just about to join actually." Kurt says, puzzled. "Unless you don't want me to?"

"Good." She breathes and Kurt is sure he hears a sigh of relief. "Listen, there's been an emergency. Lucy, you remember Lucy right?"

"The intern who just started last week. Red hair, green eyes, can trip over her own feet on a flat surface?"

"Yes, her. She apparently did exactly that and spilled coffee all over the new layout for the magazine - managed to break her arm too." Kurt shakes his head and just has to ask.

"How did she manage that?"

"The story is she collided with a desk and fell out a window."

"She what?!" Kurt squeaks, his voice going higher. "Is she okay?!"

"Jeeeez, Hummel. Could you not shatter my eardrum, thanks." Isabelle says. "She's fine, she was only on the first floor."

"Oh well, then. Nothing to worry about." Kurt deadpans.

"Your sarcasm is not appreciated. I am still your boss."

"Sorry."

"Anyway, I need you back. ASAP!" Isabelle continues. "And I mean it. Not dilly-dallying, Kurt. Time is of the essence."

"But the tour?" He asks, disappointed.

"Can wait. Get your butt back here right now." With that she hangs up on him and he's left staring at the black screen for a few seconds. _Damn it, Lucy._ Yes, it is definitely one of those days.

A second later he is hurrying out the bathroom, dodging people left and right and thankfully manages to only bump into one person; a small women, who in turn bumps into someone else, who apparently drops a pen. Whoever it is is shielded from Kurt's view by the woman when he turns around and Kurt doesn't stop to pay further attention. He just doesn't have the time. Instead he shouts a quick "Sorry!", which he thinks may have gotten lost in the buzzing of the crowd. He is not too bothered though. This is New York after all and New Yorkers are notorious for their rudeness. It's a well-known phenomenon and anyone living here should be used to it. He is right, of course. No one bats an eye, not even the woman as he practically jumps out the front door and takes off down the street.

It's a stressful day at Vogue, to say the least. The layout really was completely destroyed, which meant everyone had to stay late and he's bummed he missed the tour. He's rescheduled it for Wednesday instead, because he is not using his Sunday on work. That is pretty much the only day he gets off and is just for him alone. It would be too late anyway, he needs to keep up with his weekly posts if he is to meet his requirement. His article will still be on the Tour subject, but his deadline needs to be pushed back a day, which he is not happy about. He pride's himself at being punctual and reliable and he's never missed a deadline ever. Until now.

When he gets home, Blake is already asleep, which is unfortunate, because Kurt really needs to vent to someone or at least get laid to make him forget about his day. He sits on the bed for a while, watching Blake and fiddling with his ring. He doesn't feel.. _right_. And knowing he can't sleep when his thoughts are this jumbled, he settles in the dark living-room with a glass of wine, staring out the window. After a few minutes of silence his phone beeps with a new text.

 **From El:**

 _I'm sorry :(_

Kurt smiles weakly.

 **From Kurt:**

 _I'm sorry too._

 **From El:**

 _I overstepped, forgive me?_

 **From Kurt:**

 _Don't I always._

 **From El:**

 _Thank you. What are you doing up so late?_

 **From Kurt:**

 _You're welcome. I'm just thinking. I had the worst day._

 **From El:**

 _Wanna talk about it?_

Does he? He's doesn't know. He's not even sure what is going on with him.

 **From Kurt:**

 _I'm confused, I think._

He leaves it at that, knowing Elliott will understand.

 **From El:**

 _I figured as much._

 **From Kurt:**

 _What do I do?_

 **From El:**

 _I can't tell you that._

Kurt sighs deeply and finishes his wine. Walking into the kitchen, he rinses the glass off and puts it in the dishwasher.

 **From Kurt:**

 _I'm going to bed. Goodnight._

 **From El:**

 _Night, sleep well._

As he climbs into bed, he curls up on his side, away from Blake and stares at the wall. Then it hits him that he never got around to calling his dad and telling him the news. With how hectic his day has been, it just slipped his mind completely. He checks the time and decides it's not too late in Ohio. Maybe if he tells his dad it will finally seem... _real_? He get's back up, walks to their bedroom window and climbs out onto the fire escape. The phone only rings twice before it's picked up.

"Kiddo!" His father sounds so elated to hear from him that it makes him feel guilty. He doesn't call often enough.

"Hey, dad." He says and even to himself, he sounds dejected which of course Burt picks up on right away.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, dad." He sighs. "Everything is just really overwhelming right now."

"What happened?"

"Blake proposed." Silence follows.

"Oh." Burt breathes.

"That's all you have to say?"

"What did you answer?"

"Yes. I said yes. I'm engaged."

"Well, congratulations son." Burt doesn't sound wildly enthusiastic though.

"Do you really mean that?" There's a silence again.

"What is this really about, Kurt?" Burt finally answers.

"I'm not sure."

"Are you regretting saying yes?"

"I'm not sure." He can hear his father sigh heavily down the line.

"Is this about that Blaine kid again?" Burt asks, hitting the nail on the head. Yes, even his dad knows about Blaine. He doesn't keep any secrets from his dad. Not since high school.

"Maybe."

"Look, son." He hears Burt take a deep breath. "I am only gonna tell you this once, okay. Either you try and find this boy and clear the air about what happened all those years ago or you forget about him completely and marry Blake. Because this in-between thing you got going on is not fair to anyone. Not to Blake, but especially not to yourself."

"I just don't know what to do."

"I can't make your decisions for you." Burt says. "But you need to resolve this fast, especially before a wedding can take place, because it's like poison in your veins and sooner or later it will spread to your relationship."

 _I think it already has._

"I know. Thank you, dad. I love you."

"You're welcome. And I love you too." Burt says. "Now try and get some sleep. It's late over there."

"I'll try. Say hi to Carole for me."

"I will. Bye, son."

"Bye, dad."

With that he hangs up and quietly slinks back inside the window gracefully like a cat. The phone call didn't clear up anything. Instead it made everything more complicated. When did his life become so confusing? _Whatever happened to just being happy?_


	7. Chapter 7

**Author note: I have one thing to say: #LOVEWINS! Fucking finally! And thanks to Buttons'n'Bows for clearing up that the turquoise ink on Dior Grey paper comes from Model Behavior by Themuse19 ;)**

Blaine hears the door open, followed by footsteps and then the mattress is dipping from the weight of someone sitting down next to him. He can't see who it is from where he is buried beneath the covers, but he suspects it's Jeff. The blond has been in and out constantly since he got home on Tuesday - trying to get him to do stuff. Unnecessary stuff...like eating, bathing or going to class. It's now Monday and his beard is beginning to itch. None of it matters though. Not when he's probably wasted the one chance he had at finding the love of his life again. He's spent the last week wallowing in misery and self-hatred. Why didn't he just go after Kurt that day? _WHY BLAINE!?_ He's pondered that question for hours, days even, but he still doesn't have an answer. All he knows is that he panicked and then he froze and when he was finally able to move again, Kurt was gone. _You're useless,_ he thinks. _Completely useless. You don't deserve to be happy._

He feels hands on his head and then someone is trying to pull the sheets off him, but he's so not in the mood and grabs hold, pulling it back forcefully. "Go away, Jeff." He mumbles. "How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone." There's silence, then; "It's not Jeff." That makes him take notice and he dares to peek out of his blanket fortress to lock eyes with an unsure Nick who looks like he would rather be anywhere else. "Did Jeff put you up to this?"

"God no, Blaine." Nick breathes. "He would never do that." And that's when Blaine remembers that Nick doesn't do this, he is not the comforting guy type, unless it's with Jeff. He stays in the background, watching and waiting, letting others do the talking, until he feels he has no other choice than to step in. Blaine knows he must look really bad, if Nick is in his room.

"What do you want?" Blaine asks. "I already told Jeff that I am fine and to stop fussing over me like a mother hen." Nick rolls his eyes at that.

"You are not fine, Blaine." He sighs. "And you know it." Blaine is about to protest again, but Nick doesn't give him the chance. "You're a mess and all of us hate seeing you like this." He pauses. "We understand why you're like this...well, Sebastian doesn't...but you have to get it together or this is gonna cost you your place at NYU. Seb can't keep covering for you."

"It's only been a week, just ask Sebastian to tell them I still have the flu." Blaine says as he dives back under the covers.

"We can't do that, one of the faculty members pulled him aside in the hall today, I guess he's seen you with him and he told him that you had to be back tomorrow or you were gonna be called to the principal's office and probably get cut. You've missed too many classes in a row, man." Blaine doesn't answer, he just can't deal with this right now.

"Blaine?" Nick tries. "Did you hear what I said?" A muffled reply. "What?"

"I said I heard you. I just don't care."

"That's the depression talking." Nick states.

"I don't have depression."

"Oh really? Blaine, when was the last time you looked in the mirror, took a shower? Shaved? Left the bed or ate something that wasn't a piece of toast?" No response. "You look like a hobo and that's the nice way of saying it." Nick tries unsuccessfully to pry the covers back again and sighs when Blaine still won't budge. "Okay, I tried." Blaine hears him walk to the door, thinking he's won, but then Nick is calling to Jeff. "Alright baby, go ahead and call his mom." That has Blaine sitting up so fast he gets dizzy for a moment.

"Wait...what!?" He yells and he's out of bed faster than lightning, heading for the door where he sees Niff sitting on the couch, Jeff with a phone in his hand, dialing. "You can't do that!" He exclaims and makes a grab for the phone, but is rebuffed by Nick's arm.

"Yes, I can." Jeff simply states. "I am done watching you moping around. I've tried everything to get you out of this slump, nothing's worked. This is the last resort. I'm calling Pamela."

"Come on, Jeff...I'm not that ba..." Blaine forgets whatever he was gonna say as he comes face to face with his reflection in the mirror next to the front door - and _Oh My God_ , they weren't kidding. He looks awful. His hair is greasy from week-old gel, his eyes are red and swollen from all the crying - and his beard. Well, let's just say he puts cavemen to shame. He's still wearing the same white tank top he wore under his cardigan on Tuesday - which is covered in stains. And he thinks the pair of black boxers may be days old. He honestly can't recall when he last changed them. Blaine stands there shocked, just watching how far he's fallen, but is brought back to reality by the door slamming and Sebastian entering. He turns to face him and Sebastian stops dead in his tracks.

"Holy shit!" He exclaims as he stares wide-eyed at Blaine. "Why didn't you tell me it was this bad, Jeff!?"

"I did tell you." Jeff defends.

"No, you didn't. You said he was feeling a little depressed and to tell everyone at NYU that he had the flu." Sebastian says and gestures to Blaine. "That is not just a little depressed, that's having a freaking breakdown."

"I know." Jeff says. "He looks gross."

"Um, guys. I'm in the room." Blaine says, but both of them ignore him. Instead Sebastian circles him and starts looking him up and down. He moves closer and Blaine hears him take a whiff, then jumping back quickly.

"Ugggghhhh, he stinks!" Sebastian's face scrunches up in disgust.

"We know." Jeff says and rolls his eyes. "How do you think I felt going into his room these past few days, the stench is even worse in there." Nick nods. "We haven't been able to get him to shower since he got home on Tuesday."

"This is a travesty, I don't think I can ever sleep with him again, after seeing him like this." Sebastian moans. "It's forever etched in my mind."

"Yes." Jeff deadpans. "Make it all about you."

"GUYS! STILL HERE!" Blaine yells and that gets their attention, but Sebastian just dismisses him with a wave of a hand.

"Go take a shower, Blaine." He barks and Blaine raises an eyebrow at that, but doesn't move. "Now! Because at the moment I am seriously regretting ever going near you and I need to have a word with the couplet." Blaine huffs but complies and drags himself to the bathroom. He's about to close the door when Sebastian's yell reaches him. "And shave! It looks like a cat crawled up and died on your face!"

Once under the warm spray, he actually starts to feel alive again. He takes his time washing his hair and then he shaves - relishing in the relief of getting rid of the itch. He goes to clean the sink, but ends up just staring at his reflection for so long the mirror fogs up completely. Then without any conscious thought his right hand moves up to wipe it off, but when he blinks and looks back at it there's a little heart with the letters B+K written in the condensation. _Ugh!_ With a frustrated huff he erases it angrily and leaves the bathroom with just a towel around his waist.

"Well, that's more like it." Sebastian says from where he's sitting on the top of the couch - and wolf whistles as Blaine darts through the living room to his room for clothes. "There's the Blainers I know and love...to fuck." Blaine rolls his eyes and shoves Sebastian as he walks by, making the lanky guy lose his balance, resulting in a less than graceful landing in the laps of Niff, who proceeds to push him further onto the floor. "Hey!" He lands on the carpet on his back, staring up at the ceiling. "Gee, you people really know how to make a guy feel welcome."

"Consider it payback for fucking on our bed, without permission." Jeff says.

"Yes, what he said." Nick states and presses a kiss to Jeff's cheek. "Honestly, that was completely unacceptable behavior. You can't just invade people's privacy like that. There's a line and you crossed it. An apology would be nice." Nick finishes his little speech as both he and Jeff looks expectantly at Sebastian. "Well?" Jeff prompts. Of course, down on the floor Sebastian decides to totally miss the point – on purpose.

"Wait. Back up. I can have permission?"

"NO!" Niff exclaims exasperated and Nick sighs heavily. "God, why do I bother? It's like talking to a wall." He drops his head to Jeff's shoulder. "There there, honey, you tried." Jeff soothes him.

A minute later Blaine walks out wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a black tank top. He enters the kitchen and finds a pack of cookies, just what he needs. Comfort eating. His curls are wet and free of gel, falling onto his forehead and curling around his ears. It's getting long and he makes a mental note of going to the hairdresser sometime next week. He is still drying out his hair with the towel as he walks back into the living area when he notices the silence in the room and when he turns around they are all looking at him. "What? I did what you wanted. I took a shower, I shaved, I'm eating." He lifts the cookies up for effect.

"Blaine." Jeff says. "Have a seat." And Blaine knows that tone. It's the same one he used last time he wanted to talk about Blaine's obsession with Kurt. The eggshell tone.

"Oh no, Jeff. I already know what you wanna talk about and we are not doing this one more time, I don't wanna fight with you again." They had only just gotten back on each others good sides last week. It was too soon to rock the boat. Especially _that_ boat, the _MS Kurt_. Blaine is about to walk back into his room when Sebastian blocks his way, placing himself in front of him with crossed arms and a piercing glare.

"Sit your ass down or I'll sit it down for you...and not the way you like it." He commands and Blaine swallows a lump in his throat. Sebastian is towering over him and he looks menacing. It's not like he thinks Sebastian would actually hurt him, but the image is scary.

"Don't be so hard on him, Seb." Jeff admonishes when he sees the look on Blaine's face.

"No, Jeff. I am done with this shit." Sebastian counters as he grabs Blaine's arm, not too roughly though, and leads him to the chair opposite the couch. Blaine sits down because he's nervous what will happen if he don't. He's never seen Sebastian this way before. "Both of you are babying him and he is not a baby. He won't break."

"Sebast..." Blaine tries but is cut off. "Shut up, Blaine. It's not your turn to talk, I think we've all heard enough of your pathetic lovelorn bullshit to last us a lifetime." And wow, harsh. Blaine looks down fiddling with his hands in his lap.

"Sorry." He sniffs a little, trying not to cry and hating how he can't control his emotions.

"Look what you did!" Jeff yells as he comes to sit next to Blaine in the chair, hugging him - and okay, that doesn't help with the tears at all. "I told you not to be so hard on him! You okay, Blainey?" Sebastian just rolls his eyes and Blaine stays silent.

"Someone's got to be straight with him and clearly, that job falls to me, because you two..." He points to Jeff and Nick. "Are too soft to say what needs to be said." Two pairs of eyes scowl at him and one pair is still looking down. "We discussed this while he was in the shower, we were all in agreement."

"We didn't agree on you being an asshole to him!" Jeff sneers.

"I consider it tough love." Sebastian sneers back.

"Guys, don't fight because of me." Blaine says in a small voice and Sebastian's eyes soften. He sounds so much like a frightened little boy that even Nick gets up from the couch to join the others around the chair, putting his hands on Blaine shoulders. It's comforting.

"Blaine." Sebastian kneels down next to the chair, taking his hand in a gesture so kind, it seems completely alien coming from him. "We are not fighting because of you, we are fighting for you." Beside him Blaine can feel Jeff nodding. "We want to help you, because we see how much pain you're in. We just have different ways of showing affection, I guess." Jeff sends another glare Sebastian's way, which is ignored. He did not come here today to fight with Jeff.

"I want to talk to you about Kurt." Sebastian says.

"What about him?" Blaine asks, he's given up on fighting this conversation, it's clear his friends won't give in before whatever it is they have to say is out in the open.

"I am gonna ask you something, okay." Blaine nods for Sebastian to continue. "Okay, good. When you met Kurt, did you tell him anything about your life?"

"Yes, everything. I told him everything." Blaine eyes light up as he smiles at the memory and Sebastian cringes because that's exactly what he was afraid of, but it's not surprising. Blaine is an open, honest, trusting person. He lets people in easily, too easily. But still Sebastian has to have clarification, before he knows for sure that the suspicions he's harbored for quite some time are correct.

"You told him your full name, where you were gonna study, where you were gonna live in NY?"

"Yeah?" Blaine says, looking puzzled. Beside him, unbeknownst to the boy in the chair...the ball is dropping for everyone around him, except for him. "Where are you going with this?" Sebastian looks to Jeff for help, because he's not sure he can deliver this blow himself. Luckily Jeff understands.

"Blaine..." Jeff starts, carefully. "If you told him all of this, if he's had all of this information on you for 4 years, then..." He leaves it there, hoping Blaine is gonna put it together in his own head and that he won't have to actually say the words. Slowly it dawns on Blaine.

"He's never tried to find me." It's barely a whisper. How did this not occur to him until now? Kurt's had all the information he needed to track Blaine down all along. And he hasn't. Which could only mean one thing. Kurt doesn't want Blaine. The realization is devastating and has him crumbling in on himself as tears starts pouring out. "He doesn't want me." He gasps out between sobs. "He's never wanted me." Around him all of his friends, even Sebastian surrounds him in a group hug and holds him close as he cries.

* * *

Months go by since the big revelation as Blaine calls it. After that day his heartbreak had soon turned to anger. He had cried himself out and then he'd gotten really angry. He was pissed at Kurt, but not for long, the anger was mostly directed at himself. After all, how could he have ever thought that he was good enough for a New York big shot like Vogue star fashionista, Kurt Hummel. Of course he never stood a chance. He had been living in a fantasy world of unrealistic dreams of the future with a guy who clearly never spared him a second thought once they went their separate ways. And as a result he had wasted 4 years of his life. He'd been so stupid and naive and oblivious. As usual. It had hurt so bad to realize what a fool he'd been. But he actually felt grateful to Sebastian for pointing out the obvious when he himself couldn't see the forest for the trees. Even if he did it in a less than gentle way. That was just Sebastian being Sebastian after all.

Now he's back at NYU, working his ass off to catch up with all the classes he's missed, which is impossible and he knows he's gonna have to earn some extra credit on the side if he wants to make it up. Luckily he studies musical theater and if he can just land a role in one of the many Off-Broadway plays that are always casting in the area, he'll be back in the good graces of his teachers. Nothing counts more than practical experience after all.

The problem however is that it's not that easy. There's hundreds of aspiring actors fighting for the same few parts and so far he hasn't been able to get a callback. That is until today. Blaine puts the phone down breathlessly. He got it. He got the part! He's playing Julian in a gay version of Romeo and Juliette. It's way off Broadway, but that doesn't matter. His ass is saved. Before he knows what possesses him, his mouth opens of it own accord and a high-pitched scream escapes as he gets up and dances around the room. Five seconds later the door flings open to reveal Niff and Sebastian, who he left playing COD, before he went to take the call.

"What's going on?" Nick asks.

"Yeah. It sounds like someone is being murdered." Sebastian says, lifting an eyebrow as he watches Blaine jumping on his own bed like an excited toddler.

"I thought we agreed that the jumping on the furniture thing was a bad idea after you broke your arm?" Jeff is confused and he knows the two others are too, they haven't seen Blaine this genuinely happy in a very long time, especially not after the whole Kurt thing.

"I GOT IT!" Blaine squeals as he continues to bounce, like that answers all the questions.

"You got what?" Sebastian asks as Blaine finally runs out of steam and lets himself fall down on the bed, rolling on to his stomach with the biggest grin on his face.

"You guys remember the flier that went up a month ago on the bulletin board? The one casting for Romeo and Julian?" Blaine asks and they all vaguely remembers something about it.

"The gay Romeo and Juliette play?" Jeff clarifies.

"That's the one."

"Why does that sound so familiar?" Sebastian mumbles, no one is paying any attention to him though. "What about it?" Nick asks.

"I went to the casting and you're looking at the new Julian. That was the director, Artie. He just called to inform me that I got the part and we start rehearsals next week." Blaine beams.

"Wow, that's amazing, congrats." Jeff smiles and so does Nick. "That's really great, Blaine. Good for you."

"Thank you." He hugs them both.

"Blaine?" They break the hug and turn to Sebastian. "It wouldn't happen to be the play down at the 6th Street Playhouse in the East Village, would it?"

"Yeah, actually it is. Why?"

"No reason, really. I just think Elliott mentioned having a friend who auditioned for the same play a while back."

"I'm surprised you'd remember something like that. You must be hanging on his every word." Blaine teases as he pokes Sebastian in the side.

"You better shut up now if you want me to pay for celebratory drinks." They all laugh as they head down to their local gay bar and the mischievous glint in Sebastian eye tells Blaine he's in for a long night. _TGIF_ , he thinks.

* * *

Monday arrives all too slowly for Blaine's taste and his classes drag on and on, but soon he is headed down to the theater for his first rehearsal. He's excited, every nerve in his body is buzzing pleasantly, this is his first starring role since he moved to New York, finally he's got his foot in the door. This could lead to great things and he can't wait to start this new journey he is on. He's turned the page, he's moving on from Kurt, exploring other possibilities and the whole weekend - well the part of the weekend that wasn't spent nursing a killer hangover, he was right about Sebastian - has been spent in curious contemplation about who will play the Romeo to his Julian. He hopes it's someone he has great chemistry with – if not the play will most likely be a flop. But he'll find out soon enough, because he's there. He walks inside the big glass doors and follow the directions from the cashier to get back stage, where he's greeted by a guy in a wheelchair.

"Blaine Anderson, nice to see you again." The guy rolls up to him and extends his hand. "Artie Abrams, director. Welcome to the production."

"Likewise." Blaine smiles back and shakes the guy's hand. "Thank you so much for this opportunity, I can't wait to get started."

"You're welcome, Blaine. But your talent speaks for itself, I would have been an idiot not to hire you." Artie smiles big with stars in his eyes or maybe that's just a side-effect of the glasses he's wearing? But suddenly Blaine has a distinct feeling that he is being fanboy'ed over. It's not unpleasant though, quite the opposite. He just hopes his blush isn't too obvious. "Well, let's not waste anymore time, everyone is already here. Come on back and meet the rest of the cast."

He follows Artie around a corner where a group of people are already gathered and the director rolls straight up to a tall guy with his back to them, poking his shoulder. As the guy turns around Artie excitedly makes the announcement.

"Julian, meet your Romeo. Romeo, meet your Julian."

Blaine doesn't really hear it though, instead he sucks in a surprised breath as he comes face to face with the guy who's been occupying his dreams as well as nightmares for the past 4 years.

"Kurt." He breathes out as amber makes eye-contact with cyan.

"Blaine?" Kurt's mouth falls open in surprise and bewilderment.

"I take it you two know each other?" Artie asks. "Excellent." Then he rolls away leaving them to it.

None of them say anything. They just stare at each other, both apparently at a loss for words. The air between them is almost electric and Blaine can't help but notice that Kurt looks even better than he remembers. He let's his eyes trail down to Kurt's chest, hidden behind a tight green sweater, down to his even tighter black jeans and good lord, how does he even get into those? He still looks so beautiful. Just as he did 4 years prior and Blaine falls in love all over again, despite his determination not 5 minutes earlier, that he was moving on from Kurt. He can't help it though, he is completely unable to control the warm fuzzy feeling filling his chest as he gazes upon his long lost love.

That is until one of the spotlights above catches something sparkly on Kurt's left hand and Blaine's eyes automatically follows the glint. There, on Kurt's 4th finger is a ring that can only be interpreted as one thing - and that's the moment when Blaine's world comes to a crashing halt.

 _Kurt is engaged._


	8. Chapter 8

**Author notes: This is now officially the longest multi-chapter fic I've written. My earlier record was 7 chapters. So yay! Go me! :)**

 _Just text him._ Kurt's finger hovers over the phone number that's been sitting untouched in his contacts for months. Blaine's number. After talking to his dad, he'd decided to get in contact with his long lost crush, just to hash out some things so he could finally move on - and it turned out he really wasn't hard to find. Blaine was practically listed everywhere, completely opposite Kurt himself.

He shouldn't really have been surprised though. This was the same guy who approached a total stranger on a plane, after all. Stranger Danger or the threat of stalkers didn't seem to be a concern for Blaine at all. Not even his Facebook account was private, which to be honest worried Kurt a lot. He knew first hand how Blaine could have a magnetic pull and he was absolutely sure that he wasn't the only one who'd fallen for his charm at some point in time. The difference - of course - was that Kurt was sane (more or less) – but that didn't mean everyone else were. A shiver ran down his spine at the thought of some psycho getting obsessed with Blaine. Such a person would have no trouble tracking him down.

Not that Kurt should even be worrying about such things, it wasn't any of his business, they weren't even friends. Just like it wasn't his place to stalk Blaine's Facebook that first night he logged back into his own account (the poke war that followed with Elliott almost made him deactivate it again) and subsequently a few times a week thereafter. _Yeah, you're a regular poster boy for sanity_ , his mind mocked him. He ignored it. After all Blaine kinda brought that on himself by being so open and the temptation was simply too much not to take a peek at his pictures and – _cough, cough_ – his relationship status, which happened to be _single_ , which definitely, most certainly, did not make Kurt way too relieved.

Blaine actually didn't use his Facebook a lot, mostly he was just being tagged in other people's posts. Blaine's friends, it seemed shared his lack of concern for privacy. Seriously, why was everything set to public?! It drove Kurt up the wall with anxiety. Especially one blond guy named Jeff was very active and tended to share a lot of intimate pics of himself and Blaine with their arms around each other - and yes, maybe Kurt had been a bit jealous until he noticed that this Jeff was apparently in a relationship with someone named Nick, not that he would ever admit to it. He had considered sending a friend request, but decided that it was the wrong approach. For all he knew, Blaine might not even remember him and just delete his request. Instead he checked if Blaine had his phone number listed and - no surprise there - of course he had. Kurt had added it to his contacts right away, but hadn't been able to bring himself to send that text. What would he say?

Somehow he didn't think that: **"Hi Blaine. This is Kurt. We were on the same plane years ago and I still think about you. I don't know if you remember me, but I was wondering if you would like to meet up? Because even though I am getting married to your clone, I can't get you out of my head. I think I fell in love with you 4 years ago and never stopped loving you."** Would go over well.

He sighed and put the phone back on the kitchen table. Why was it so hard to reach out? He looked at the calendar on the fridge and decided he had until the wedding to man up. They'd already set a date. It would take place on December 10th, since Kurt had always dreamed of a winter themed wedding. Everyone always did summer weddings – they were so predictable and he liked to stand out - as expected Blake had just nodded and given him free reigns to plan the whole thing. Kurt had tried to get a feel for _what_ Blake wanted his wedding to be, but it was like the man had never even given it any thought at all, which was just plain weird to Kurt who had had this day planned out in his mind since before he knew he was gay. All he got when he asked was: "Whatever you like is fine with me, honey." And Kurt kinda wanted to shake him. He knew Blake most likely acted that way because he wanted Kurt to have everything _he_ wanted, but the nonchalance came off to Kurt as Blake just not caring. And it frustrated him that his own fiance made him feel like he was the only one invested in their special day. It was _their_ special day after all, not just Kurt's.

Frustrated he stood to get himself a drink as Blake entered the kitchen and went straight for Kurt's phone, left abandoned on the table. The phone that was still very much open on Blaine's contact. Before Kurt could react Blake had picked it up. _Please don't notice, please don't notice, please don't notice._

"Baby, don't forget your phone."

 _Whew._

"Hey, who's Blaine?"

 _Shit._

"Um...no one." _Smooth Kurt, not suspicious at all._

"Since when do we know a Blaine?"

 _Stay calm, you got this._

"Um, _we_ don't. _I_ do."

"Oh. Who is he?"

 _Lie, Kurt. Lie lie lie!_

"Just a...friend."

"From where?"

 _What is this? An interrogation?!_

"Way...back."

"I kinda figured that since I haven't heard of him. I meant how do you know him?"

 _Okay, think fast._

Then it hits him. Of course.

"Show Choir. He was the lead singer of one of the other choirs my team went up against in high school." _There, not exactly a lie._

"Wow, that is indeed way back. I hope you kicked his ass."

 _Well. I did want to do something to his ass, but that wasn't it. No, focus Kurt!_

"Um, yeah. We did. The Warblers were very dapper and traditional but their choreography consisted mostly of the two-step." Kurt smiled at the memory of the uniform clad gentlemen, all handsome...but all pretty much the same, except for their dashing front man. "They didn't have the diversity New Directions had and I think they lost on that." _Because Blaine was magnificent._

"You are so nerdy when you talk show choir, babe." Blake laughed and kissed Kurt on the cheek as he placed his phone back in his hand. "Such a dork."

Kurt recoiled a bit at that. Blake never did have any interest in show choir, even though he could sing and always treated Kurt's interest in it as a weird quirk he had to put up with. _Blaine would understand. No, stop it!_

"Right." Kurt smiled weakly as Blake vanished into the other room. He grabbed a diet coke and sat back down at the kitchen table, staring at his phone, wishing he had the courage to send that text.

* * *

"Check this out." A flier was shoved under Kurt's nose the next day at work. He was sitting in the back, trying to wake himself up. "I saw it this morning. It's perfect for you." Elliott said.

"I'm really not in the mood." Kurt yawned and shoved the flier out of his vision in favor of his precious coffee. He hadn't slept well, he always seemed to be tired these days.

"If you would just read it, I'm sure it would grab your attention."

"Fine." Kurt sighed and picked up the flier." His eyes widened.

"Told ya." Elliott smirked. "How many drunken nights have we discussed the unexplored potential in putting a gay twist on traditional love stories. Finally someone did it. But I kinda feel like this Artie guy stole our idea." True as that was, it wasn't the reason Kurt was staring.

"I know him." He said.

"Who?"

"The director. I went to high school with him."

"Wow, small world." Elliott smiled. "This is great though, you already have an in."

"Doubt it." Kurt sighed. He had no idea Artie was even in New York. Truth be told they hadn't spoken in 4 years, even though they used to be tight. "We were in Glee club together and all of us were close, but most of us just drifted apart after my brother died." He let his fingers glide over the name on the glossy paper. "Turns out...Finn..." He could barely get the name out. "...was the glue of the Glee club and without him we sorta dissolved." _Or I made it dissolve?_

"Wait. I thought Rachel and Santana were in Glee club with you?"

"They were and it's true we still see each other, but...we already lived together here before it happened, we couldn't avoid one another, even if we wanted to back then." Kurt said. "But in case you haven't noticed, Satan and I never associate outside of work and Rachel, well..." Kurt smiled sadly. "We were the ones who had the closest connection to Finn and we remind each other of him."

"Oh." Elliott didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah. As long as we see each other, Finn will live on and always be fresh in our minds due to the shared memories we have." Kurt paused briefly, then continued. "It's why I can never say goodbye to her."

"I see. Well, that's nice." Elliott said. "That you have that bond, I mean." Kurt scoffed at that.

"It's both a blessing and a curse, El."

"How do you mean?"

"Sometimes the constant reminders cause me nothing but pain and it literally hurts me to be near her." Kurt sighed. "It's why I haven't seen her a lot lately. It's not just because I am busy. Some of it is avoidance and I think she knows, because she does the same to me."

"Ouch." Elliott gave him a look of sympathy.

"I don't think either of us have really healed. How long is it supposed to ache like this?"

"As long as it takes, Kurt." Elliott gave him a brotherly pat on the back. "As long as it takes." Then he vanished out into the diner to start his shift, leaving Kurt to finish his coffee and contemplate that flier.

"Romeo & Julian." He whispered to himself. He had to admit, it was clever and he had always wanted to play Romeo. This was the perfect opportunity. He knew he would never get the part in a regular version with his look, too many buff men would have him beat before he even opened his mouth. But maybe here he had a shot. He knew he had to take the chance. And maybe he could rediscover an old friendship in the process.

Slowly, he folded up the paper and made a mental note of the audition dates. Nothing ventured, nothing gained...right?

* * *

The week after found Kurt in a playhouse on 6th street. He was both excited and nervous as he was sitting in a hallway, waiting for his turn to audition. He was alone and couldn't help but eavesdrop a bit on the person in the audition room before him. Whoever it was, was doing a really powerful version of "Every day is the same without Love." Kurt was immediately drawn in by the voice, faint as it was from behind the thick door. Something about it was familiar.

 **"I feel I'm killing time, my life is slipping by**  
 **There has to be someone who feels the same as I**  
 **I long to find a love that's deep and strong and true**  
 **There has to be someone who wants the same things too**  
 **As soon as I find him**  
 **My world will start turning**  
 **But real love is elusive**  
 **That's something I'm learning**

 **They say I'm very young, I'm going through a phase**  
 **And I must learn to curb my adolescent ways**  
 **There must be more to life than what my eyes have seen**  
 **But every yesterday becomes a might-have-been**  
 **I am longing**  
 **For someone to hold me**  
 **And tell me while we're dancing**  
 **What no one has told me.**

 **All days are the same without love**  
 **When no one's beside you**  
 **Who cares if the moon seems closer**  
 **Or the stars seem brighter**  
 **All days are the same without love**  
 **But with love the days grow**  
 **Each one's an adventure**  
 **Anything can happen**  
 **No heart ever ages**  
 **Each day's been created**  
 **For you."**

Kurt could tell, even if he couldn't hear everything clearly that he really meant every word he sung. There was an honest emotion to it, that made Kurt think this guy was really feeling it. He was without a doubt extremely talented and Kurt knew even without meeting this man, that if his acting was as good as his singing, he would feel privileged to act alongside him.

The guy finished the last bar and then applause could be heard. Kurt knew that was not standard procedure, the casting directors were not supposed to show any indication if they liked you or not, it was unprofessional, but he couldn't blame them, he would have applauded too. Whoever this actor was, he pretty much had it in the bag. Kurt just hoped he wasn't auditioning for the same part as him.

Murmurs could be heard and then the door opened to reveal a saucy blonde with blue eyes, wearing a skirt so short it would have made Santana proud. She reminded Kurt of a younger Quinn Fabray, a cheerleader from high school and yet another friend that he had lost contact with, they were adding up. He could easily picture this girl as a bitchy cheerleader, she had that "I'm better than you" attitude down to a T. It was all in how she carried herself.

"Kurt Hummel?" She asked, seeming rather uninterested.

"That's me." Kurt stood to shake her hand.

"I'm Kitty Wilde. Assistant to the director. We are ready for you now." She turned around and Kurt followed her in. He was just in time to catch a split second glimpse of the other guy from behind as he was let out a door on the other side of the room. Kinda short, dark gelled hair and dressed in bright colors. Kurt instantly had a short flashback to 4 years earlier, but no...it couldn't be. The odds were too low. He quickly snapped out of it and turned toward the table holding the casting directors. Or director was more like it. Only Artie was there. _Huh._ Unusual. Without delay he introduced himself even though he knew Artie must have recognized him.

"Hello. I am Kurt Hummel and I am here to audition for the role of Romeo."

"And what will you be singing?" Artie asked, giving no indication they had a past. I threw Kurt off a bit.

"I'll be singing "You Must Marry." Artie nodded for him to begin and he let it all flow out of him, trying to ignore how close the words came to his own life.

 **"For all its faults  
Whatever cynics say  
Marriage, my dear  
Invigorates each day  
How lucky you are  
For somebody so young**

 **But I'm not in love**

 **My son, the groom**  
 **Last night I just cried, and cried**

 **Wasted tears, mother**  
 **I'm not a groom yet!**

 **I'm thrilled he asked**  
 **But I prefer to wait**  
 **I doubt he's the type**  
 **That I'd choose for a mate**

 **That's just where you're wrong**  
 **It's all a game of chance**  
 **The world's full of men**  
 **Who waited for romance**

 **I'm not in love**  
 **I cannot be his husband**

 **You will grow to love him**  
 **As I did your father**  
 **On the day we met**  
 **He was in a state**  
 **You will have to learn to**  
 **Change your thinking about men**  
 **Why, even the Bible**  
 **Gets revised now and again.**

Kurt finished and Artie stared at him for a beat longer than necessary, as if he was contemplating something. But then he just looked back down to write a note on his paper.

"Thank you. You will hear from us in a couple days." And just like that he was dismissed. As if they had never known each other. To be honest, it hurt. But he was the one who had pretty much ignored Artie, so maybe it was to be expected.

"Thank you." He answered politely and did a small bow before slipping out the door as fast as he could, feeling the director's eyes bore into his back like hot steel. Clearly, Artie was gonna pretend they didn't know each other and he was not going to get the part. He slumped down in a chair in the lobby, pouting and staring at the perfectly polished floor. It was so shiny he could see his own reflection. "Dammit." He muttered lowly to himself. A mistake he'd made years ago had just come back to bite him in the ass. Karma, he thought, really was a bitch.

"Kurt! Wait up!" _Or maybe not?_ Artie was rolling up to him.

"Artie?"

"Listen, I am sorry about my behavior in there." He started but Kurt quickly stopped him.

"No, it's okay. You don't have to apologize. I understand."

"It's not okay." Artie insisted. "I was just really not prepared to see you. I mean, I'd seen your name on the sign up sheet, but I didn't think it was gonna turn out to really be you. There must be a lot of Kurt Hummel's in New York but then you showed up and I was...surprised."

"I bet. When I saw your name on the flier, it was a shock to me too. I considered not auditioning. I know we had a falling out." At the look Artie was giving him, Kurt backtracked. "Okay, more like I ignored you and washed our friendship down the drain. But you have to know, it wasn't just you. I cut ties with almost everyone."

"So I heard." Artie's voice was void of emotion and it made Kurt feel even more awful.

"I just...I'm sorry. I am really sorry. After losing Finn, I wasn't myself. I was mourning and I couldn't deal with it and slowly I froze you guys out, until so much time had passed that it was too late to pick up the phone." Kurt fell silent and Artie sighed deeply as he looked at his old friend. Because that was what Kurt was. A friend. Everyone in Glee club were his friends. Come hell or high water, that would never change.

"It's never too late, Kurt. So, you made a mistake, we all do. But as far as I am concerned, Glee club is for life."

"Do you really mean that?" Kurt asked, now daring to feel hopeful.

"Of course homeboy. Life is too short to hold grudges. Besides, as Finn would have said; "The show must go on...all over the place...or something." Kurt choked out a watery laugh at that and bent down to hug Artie. "I've really missed you."

"I've missed you too and just so you know. Romeo is yours, if you want it."

"Oh, you don't have to do that, I couldn't...listen, I don't want to get handed anything just because we go way back, I wanna earn it."

"Don't worry about it, this is not a friendly favor, you are practically made for what I have in mind with this play and I think I already found your perfect Julian. The guy who auditioned before you, brilliant. You would compliment each other look-wise with your striking differences and your voices would harmonize perfectly."

"If you're really sure?"

"I am. You don't know what a struggle it's been to find the right balance of voices. All the guys I've seen has had a too deep sound. Instead of complimenting each other, they cancel each other out. There's no nuances. But you bring diversity to the table."

"Oh, well. Then I accept. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome." Artie smiled as his assistant walked up behind him. Kurt was surprised when she jumped in Artie's lap and he wrapped his arms around her, apparently those two were together. _Really?_ They didn't strike him as a match, but good for Artie. "Listen, I gotta go take my woman out for lunch. First rehearsal is in two weeks. I got some more Julian's too see, but as I said, I think we already got our man, it's just formality. I'll give him a call as soon as I've seen everyone and then we'll all meet up. Sound good?"

"Yeah, sure. Here, let me give you my number." They exchanged numbers and as Kurt watched Artie roll away, he felt lighter than he had in years.

* * *

The next few weeks were uneventful. Now that he'd gotten the part in the play he would have even less time for wedding planning so he had to take advantage of the free time before his schedule got even more clogged up. It was gonna be difficult to fit everything in...with 3 jobs, friends to see, a relationship to nurture and a wedding to plan.

But he quickly fell into a routine where pretty much all he did was go to work (where he tried to socialize with Elliott as much as possible to kill two birds with one stone), wrote articles, ate, planned for the wedding, kept his fiance satisfied and slept. He was already stretched thin and the rehearsals hadn't even begun yet. It was taking a toll on him, stress was a major factor, but he was determined to make it work. He was Kurt Hummel, dammit. Nothing could keep him down.

The day of their first rehearsal finally rolled around and Kurt arrived before everyone else. He was so excited for this play. He finally had a lead and he couldn't wait to meet his co-stars. Of course, the person he was most excited to meet was his Julian. Artie had texted him, that the "Every day is the same without Love" guy had indeed gotten the part and he was dying to meet him.

Slowly people started showing up and with every new person Kurt met his excitement grew. They were all so good, even the ensemble actors. With talent like that this play was bound to be a huge success. But "Julian" still hadn't showed up and Kurt was getting antsy. Maybe he'd changed his mind and they would have to cast someone else? He didn't have much time to ponder that thought before he was tapped on the shoulder by Artie.

"Julian, meet your Romeo. Romeo, meet your Julian."

Kurt turned and then everything seemed to go in slow-motion. _No, it can't be?_ But the words out of the guy's mouth confirmed it as he breathed Kurt's name, almost reverently, or maybe that was just Kurt's wishful thinking. _Wait...he remembers me?_ "Blaine?" It was indeed none other than Blaine Anderson standing before him. Still looking as delicious as he did 4 years ago. How was this possible? Life worked in mysterious ways.

"So I take it you two know each other?" Artie asked. "Excellent."

None of them paid him any attention. As soon as they locked eyes, Kurt knew he was in deep trouble as he couldn't tear his eyes away. They were just standing there, staring at each other. Or gazing longingly may have been a more accurate description. At least in Kurt's case, but he couldn't help it. It was Blaine who broke eye-contact first as his big golden orbs traveled down Kurt's body, taking him in like he couldn't believe he was really there and Kurt felt naked. Blaine's gaze was full of wonder, until suddenly the light in them seemed to dim or maybe that was just Kurt's imagination? Then he realized what Blaine was looking at. His ring. He quickly hid his left hand behind his back as he stared at the floor and when he looked back up into Blaine's eyes, he tried to convey with as much emotion as he could.

 _I'm sorry._

He wasn't sure why he was apologizing, there was just something in Blaine's eyes, that gave him the impression that he should.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author note: So. They finally met. The slow burn is over and they're back in each others lives. I know you have been waiting a long time for that and I apologize if some of you think I dragged it out too long. But my story, my rules. And now, I bring you chapter 9 ;)**

"Jeff!" A completely frazzled Blaine storms into the apartment. "I need to talk to you!"

"Whoa, Blaine." Jeff is on the couch watching TV and fiddles with the remote control to put his show on pause. "What's going on?"

"I...he...we...I..." A huff as Blaine drops down beside him. "Help."

"Okay, slow down and take some deep breaths, I've never seen you like this before."

"I...I found him." Blaine stutters, wide eyes turning on his friend.

"You found who?" And okay, Blaine does not have the patience for this right now.

"Sponge-Bob Square-pants! Who do you think?!" He snaps.

"Wait...hold on...Kurt?" Jeff asks in disbelief, ignoring his friend's outburst.

"Kurt." He nods.

" _The_ Kurt?"

" _The_ Kurt." Blaine confirms.

* * *

"Elliott!" Kurt barges through the doors of the diner, eyes frantically searching for the one person who can advice him. "El!?"

"Hold your horses, cowboy." Elliott says as he strolls out from the kitchen, tray in hand, a couple burgers on it. "I heard you the first time, what are you even doing here? You don't have a shift today."

"No shit, Sherlock." Kurt deadpans. "I need to talk."

"Awh, you came all the way over here on your day off just to see moi?" Elliott flutters his eyelashes. "I'm touched. Alright, let me just..." He turns to deliver the burgers, but Kurt grabs his arm, yanking him back and almost making him drop everything. "What the hell, Kurt?!"

"Yeah, that's not gonna work for me."

"Kurt, I can't just..." Elliott protests.

"SATAN!" Kurt bellows and as a demon being summoned, she appears. "Take these burgers to table...?" He sends Elliott a questioning look and he holds up 4 fingers. "Four." He can tell she's about to make some kind of sarcastic remark, but she backtracks at his glare. "And by the way, El is taking his break now."

"I am?" Kurt sends a pointed look his way and it's scary. "Um. I mean. I am. I totally am." And then he's being dragged to a table in the most remote corner.

"Okay, are you gonna tell me wha..."

"I found him! Or rather, he found me or we found each other? I'm not really sure."

"What are you talking about?"

"Blaine!" Kurt almost yells, then lowers his voice. "Blaine. I saw Blaine today."

"Blaine?" Elliott ask. " _The_ Blaine?"

"What other Blaine could I mean?" Kurt asks exasperated.

"But how, where, when?" Elliott looks perplexed. "Weren't you going straight to the theater this morning?"

"Yes." Kurt nods, just waiting for his friend to catch up.

"But that would mean..." Elliott is putting it together in his head. "He's in the play."

"Yup." Kurt confirms. "Guess who's playing Julian to my Romeo."

"Wait." Elliott is now bouncing in his seat, not believing his ears. "Are you serious right now?"

"I've never been more serious in my life."

* * *

"But...how...where?" Jeff asks. "Last I heard you were going to spend the whole day at the theater. When did you have time to..." Jeff stops, looks at Blaine. "No freaking way. Is he in the play?"

"Oh. He's not just in the play, Jeff." Blaine cryptically answers.

"What do you mean?" There's a loaded pause where it seems like Blaine is trying to smother himself with a pillow, then...

"He's playing Romeo."

"What!?" Jeff's mouth drops open in shock. "But you're Julian..."

"Yup."

"And he's..."

"Yup."

"And you're both..."

"Yup."

"Holy shit." Jeff exclaims. "This could get complicated."

"You don't say." Blaine deadpans. "It gets worse though."

"How could it possibly get worse?"

"He's engaged." Blaine whispers.

"Oh, Blaine. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, so am I." Blaine sighs.

* * *

"This is priceless." Elliott grins. "Way better than I had expected. I fucking love the irony of the universe."

"It's not funny!" Kurt almost whines.

"It's a little funny." Elliott says and smiles at the face Kurt makes.

"I don't know what to do. I wasn't prepared for him to just show up like that."

"But this is perfect, Kurt. I know you've been trying to find the courage to contact him for months and now fate did all the work for you."

"It wasn't fate."

"Are you sure? Seems like fate keeps throwing you two together."

"It's... _not_...fate."

"I do think thee protest too much." Elliott says in a thick British accent.

"Elliott." Kurt warns.

"Fine, whatever you say. Not fate. Got it."

"Thank you."

"Except it absolutely is."

"Shut up!" If looks could kill Elliott would be dead.

* * *

"I thought you were getting over him though?" Jeff asks.

"So did I. But that was until I saw him again. It all just came flooding back. And Jeff, he's just...even more magnificent than I remember." Blaine whines. "I'm so..."

"Screwed?"

"Yes, that."

"So...are you gonna leave the show?" Jeff prods carefully.

"What? NO!" Blaine is looking at him like he's just grown a second head.

"But you can't work back to back with him for months! It will break your heart."

"I am gonna have to, not only do I need this job to pass school, this is my big break Jeff. I can't throw it away over a crush."

"You do realize that you are gonna have to kiss him eventually right?" At his friend's guilty look Jeff startles. "Blaine...tell me you didn't."

* * *

"El?" Kurt's whisper comes after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"Yeah?" Elliott's soft voice responds just as quietly.

"He's gorgeous." Kurt sighs, bangs his head on the table and leaves it there. Elliott very carefully lifts his head and shoves some napkins under it, then puts it back down.

"So is Blake." It's a statement, not a question.

"So is Blake." Kurt agrees as he fiddles with his ring.

"And he wants you."

"And he wants me."

There's silence again, both contemplating the situation.

"Does Blaine want you?" Elliott carefully asks after a minute or two.

"I don't know. Maybe?" When Kurt lifts his head again, he looks guilty. "El...I think something kinda happened today."

"Between you and Blaine?"

"Yes."

"Tell me everything."

* * *

" _Julian, meet your Romeo. Romeo, meet your Julian."_

" _Kurt."_

" _Blaine?"_

" _So I take it you two know each other? Excellent."_

 _Silence follows where Blaine keeps shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other and Kurt tries and fails to look anywhere but at Blaine. Every time their eyes meet, it's like stepping into quicksand, both are just unable to move or break away._

" _Hi." Kurt whispers shyly and clears his throat, it feels dry._

" _Hi." Blaine smiles that damn smile of his, the one that can be seen from the moon, then runs his hands through his hair nervously and Kurt notices for the first time that Blaine's let up on the gel. He is finally seeing the man without the product, the way he wished he could have years ago and it doesn't disappoint. Blaine's curls are falling adorably across his forehead, still subdued a bit but not smothered anymore and Kurt has a fantasy in his head about twirling one of those curls around his finger. He wonders if it would bounce back like a spring, then quickly snaps out of it. He is just in time to catch Blaine staring at his sweater where he's left two buttons open, thereby exposing his throat and some of his chest. Oh._

 _They somehow drift closer and closer to each other and their eyes meet again; Kurt swallows, making Blaine's gaze trail down to watch his Adams apple bob before it moves back up to his face, or more accurately Kurt's lips and Kurt can't help but lick them subconsciously - the sexual tension can be cut with a knife._

 _Blaine is pretty sure that if it wasn't for the buzzing crowd surrounding them, that he would have jumped Kurt right then and there. The ring be damned. He can't help but absolutely loathe whoever put that ring on Kurt's finger. **His** Kurt's finger. Even though he has never met the man. It's not like him to dislike someone he doesn't know, but despite everything there is still something inside of him screaming that Kurt is supposed to be his. That the ring is a mistake and he has the right to take what is rightfully his. Then he immediately feels ashamed, because Kurt is not a thing to possess, he's a human being, free to choose whoever he wants to marry, even if that person is not Blaine. But, it hurts. Having the evidence that Kurt doesn't love him shoved right in his face. It doesn't help that the ring is now somewhere behind Kurt's back - out of eye, out of mind doesn't work here, Blaine can still picture it perfectly. It's nothing like what he would have chosen for Kurt. For some reason he pictured Kurt wearing stylish titanium or silver, maybe with a single diamond, not traditional plain gold. _

_He shouldn't be thinking these things though. He doesn't have the right to judge anything in regards to Kurt's love life. Kurt belongs to someone else, the knowledge burns like a simmering ache in his heart and still he can't turn his back on this; this role, this opportunity, Kurt. If he can't have Kurt the way he's always dreamed of, he will settle for friendship - because now that he got the man back in his life, he is not letting him go again. He won't make that mistake twice. He also won't make the mistake of hitting on a clearly taken man, he's not that guy, he's not a home-wrecker._

 _The problem is though, that they have ended up standing way too close and now Blaine can't focus on anything but Kurt, can't stop staring at his lips, can't stop smelling his cologne, can't stop moving closer still. Suddenly he finds himself in Kurt's personal space, but Kurt is not pushing him away and it's confusing. When he looks up and sees Kurt staring back at him, not breathing or moving, the part of his heart that craves Kurt overrides the logic of his brain that knows better. Suddenly he's convinced himself that Kurt wants this too and he starts to lean in. Kurt's right hand lands on Blaine's chest, but instead of stopping him, Blaine swears Kurt is actually pulling him closer. They're only centimeters apart when a voice brings them back to reality._

" _Whoa guys. I appreciate the enthusiasm to get started, but save it for official rehearsal tomorrow. This is meet and greet, now mingle." Artie grins as he wheels by and Kurt and Blaine jump apart like they have been burned, both flushing red._

 _ **Shit, what just happened?**_

 _ **What did I almost just do?**_

 _They look equally alarmed at each other, both not really knowing what to do or where to look. Blaine is rubbing his neck, Kurt is wringing his hands together. There seems to be a mutual understanding not to talk about it. It's just all too much right now. Too overwhelming. They were not prepared for this._

" _Um." Kurt says. "You heard Artie. I guess I am just gonna go...over there." He gestures somewhere randomly._

" _Yeah, sure...of course." Blaine stutters. "I'm gonna...um...I'll just be, I'm going to talk to these guys." He says as he points behind him and hopes there's at least one person standing there, because he hasn't really checked. "It was...eh...nice seeing you again."_

" _Yeah...eh...you too, Blaine." Kurt then turns around quickly, almost tripping over a prop and Blaine winces. He's not doing much better though, as not a second later he almost crashes into a costume rack._

 _They spend the next couple of hours mingling with the rest of the cast, while sneaking glances at each other. They're caught a couple times and both know that they are gonna have to talk sooner or later because none of them can work like this. Everyone seems to wanna talk to the two stars of the show though, so it's not until the meeting is coming to an end that they have a chance to hash things out. Kurt catches Blaine's eye as he exits the stage and signals him to follow, Blaine does. He would follow that man anywhere. He finds Kurt out in the hall on a bench and sits down next to him._

" _Hey." Blaine greets him._

" _Hey." Kurt smiles at him and that does things to Blaine that he refuses to acknowledge._

 _After the initial shock of seeing each other again, they have both had some time to cool down and get their heads in order. They still sit a little bit further away from each other than what is necessary, leaving a big space between them since neither of them completely trust themselves in the presence of the other and they don't want a repeat of whatever it was that happened on the stage. None of them are quite ready to talk about that either._

" _I can't believe we just bumped into each other again like this." Blaine says. "What are the odds?" Kurt doesn't wanna think about the odds or how fate having a finger to play in it comes to mind. It's not fate. It's just coincidence._

" _I know, what a coincidence."_

" _Yeah. Coincidence." Blaine looks like he wants to say something else, but he keeps it in._

" _How have you been?" Kurt asks._

" _Oh, ya know. Good."_

" _Good."_

" _You?"_

" _Good, yeah."_

" _Good."_

 _Conversation is so incredibly stilted and awkward, nothing like it was the moment they first met and Blaine fears they may have lost their connection. That thing that was so special to him. Maybe they changed too much and now they have nothing in common anymore? The thought makes him sad. But then Kurt chuckles._

" _Gosh, this is ridiculous." He says. "We're ridiculous." And Blaine can't help but laugh with him, because he's right. And then they can't stop. They laugh and laugh and every time they try to stop, they end up looking at each other and burst out laughing again and just like that the tension breaks._

" _I've missed you Kurt." Blaine says once they finally calm down. "I've thought about you a lot over the years." He doesn't mention how he tried everything to track him down or how it almost broke him when he couldn't find him._

" _Likewise, Blaine." Kurt smiles, cheeks red from laughing or maybe something else, Blaine can't tell. "I've never met anyone I connected with as easily as you." Kurt doesn't mention how he never forgot about Blaine or how he was always with him wherever he went - and Blaine doesn't ask the question on the tip of his tongue; 'Not even your fiance?'_

" _Well, it looks like we are back in each others lives now." Blaine says instead. "We should catch up sometime."_

" _Sure, that would be great." And in that moment Kurt forgets that Blaine doesn't know he already has his information saved on his phone. "I'll call you." He pales the second he says it, sure that he's been caught, but Blaine just hands him his phone - probably assuming it was an invitation to exchange numbers and Kurt plays along. Whew. He puts in his digits and Blaine seems to be beaming at his new contact before typing something quickly and putting the phone back in his jeans. A few seconds later Kurt's cell vibrates with a new text and as he picks it up and reads it, he snorts._

 _ **From Blaine:**_

 _Oh Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? ;)_

" _You are such a dork." Kurt grins before he answers._ _Blaine checks his phone when it pings and grins._

 _ **From Kurt:**_

 _Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this? :D_

" _Pot, meet kettle." He says which earns him a shove from Kurt and they share a look that quickly turns intense. They catch themselves this time though and avert their eyes before they can be sucked in again by whatever this is between them. It can't happen. Blaine doesn't know what came over him earlier, but now that he's thinking clearer, he knows he doesn't want to force himself on Kurt and make a cheater out of him. It wouldn't be fair. To either of them. He likes to think they are both better than that._

" _Well." Kurt says. "It's getting late." He doesn't wanna leave, but he needs to get home. Blake will worry and he still has to stop by the diner to talk to Elliott first. His mind is in chaos and his heart in uproar and he can't face Blake feeling like this. He feels drained and he simply doesn't have the energy to mask his turmoil right now, it will be painfully obvious that something is wrong and he doesn't want his fiance to prod at a cause that he himself is afraid to confront._

" _Right. You're right." Blaine concedes but seems a little disappointed. "I should be going too."_

" _I'll see you tomorrow at rehearsals."_

" _Yeah. Bright and early."_

 _He doesn't really know who moves in for the hug first, but suddenly Blaine finds himself with an arm full of Kurt and he savors it with closed eyes. He can feel Kurt melt into him as he does the same and the hug lasts a few seconds longer than what's probably appropriate. When they part, they smile at each other and for the second time in his life Blaine watches Kurt walk away from him with ice in the pit of his stomach. This time it's not like the last time though. But it still doesn't change the facts. Kurt may be back in his life, but just like 4 years ago, Blaine still hasn't made this man his and now it's too late. When Kurt vanishes around a corner, Blaine makes his own way home, mind racing and heart bleeding._

* * *

"Wait. So...you almost kissed?" Elliott asks.

"I think so?" Kurt says. "I'm honestly not really sure what happened or who started it, it's a little fuzzy."

"Wow."

"Indeed."

"But Kurt, you did nothing wrong. Nothing happened." _Not this time_ , Kurt thinks and wonders if he would have pushed Blaine away or not, had Artie not interrupted. "Listen, whatever you decide to do, I think it would be best to sort out everything in your heart, before you make any rash decisions." Elliott says. "And be considerate of Blake, I know I wasn't his biggest fan before, but he doesn't deserve to be treated like shit. Don't be that guy, Kurt." Elliott pauses and Kurt thinks he's done, but apparently not. "Blaine, I don't know but if you like him as much as you clearly do, he must be a good guy, so be careful with his feelings too." Kurt just nods stiffly, even though he knows everything his friend just said is true, it makes him feel a little defensive. Like he's doing something really wrong here. He probably is, on some level, but what do you do when life is suddenly not as black and white as you thought it was when it comes to love. Maybe Elliott has been right all along and you _can_ love multiple people at the same time?

Tense silence follows, then...

"Kurt Hummel almost getting it on 5 minutes after meeting a man. That is so not you. That's me. He must be really hot." Elliott winks and it instantly lightens the mood.

"That's what scares me." Kurt smirks. "And you have no idea."

"Oh, hah hah." Elliott grins. "But seriously, Sebastian has a name for guys like that. What was it...oh right...'Sex on a stick'...that's what he calls them. You gotta admit it's catchy."

"That is gross." Kurt wrinkles his nose. "How did he even come up with that?"

"Apparently he invented it for one of his college fuck buddies, I think. I am yet to meet the guy."

"And this doesn't bother you?" Kurt asks. "Why would you wanna meet a man that the guy you're dating is obviously so attracted to that he felt it necessary to invent a nickname for him and his...'stick'...?"

"Just curious if he lives up to the hype." Elliott shrugs. "Besides, it's not like that between them anymore."

"And you know this how?"

"He told me. They're just friends now. Nothing more. And I believe him." Elliott says. "Besides, weren't we talking about you and your dilemma?"

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"You can't keep hiding or running from this, Kurt."

"I know."

"It's gonna catch up to you."

"I know."

"You have to make a choice."

"I **know**."

"And I wanna meet him."

"Not in a million years."

Elliott's pout is epic.

* * *

"What were you thinking?" Jeff asked.

"There weren't a lot of thinking involved."

"Gee, you don't say." Jeff deadpans. "You don't throw yourself at taken men, Blaine."

"I swear that I didn't mean to."

"I sure hope not. I'm really disappointed in you." Jeff sighs. "If someone tried to do to Nick, what you tried to do to Kurt...I would kick his ass. It's just disrespectful."

"Please Jeff, you know I'm not like that." Blaine pleads. "I know I messed up, okay?"

"Okay." Jeff says. "But seriously. You can't do things like that. You can't screw up his relationship or he will never forgive you. Not to mention his fiance will track you down and kill you - and I would miss you."

"What should I do then? I was...am...still so sure that there's something there, Jeff."

"Be his friend. If he loves you, then he will come to you, but he has to be the one to make that decision. You can't make that call for him."

"And do you think he will? Come to me I mean."

"Knowing you...if he has any sense, Blaine. Trust me, he will."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author note: Yes. I am back. It's not abandoned. It's just that my PC is very unstable and I am pretty sure it could die on me any second. And I kinda had to figure out where the next chapter would go. But here it is. As always, remember...reviews are love :)**

"Okay, guys." Artie instructs. "Remember. This is your first meeting. You see each other. You gasp. You can't believe how beautiful the other person is. It's overwhelming, it's magnetic, it's magical. It's first love."

Blaine is currently standing behind the glass of an empty fish tank, which won't actually be filled until opening night, looking through it at Kurt, thinking about how Artie's speech seems a little too close to how it was when he first met Kurt and about how he won't have to act at all. Kurt however isn't looking at Blaine and still seems more or less impressed that Artie got an actual fish tank and went with the 1997 movie setup instead of a more classic old-school scenery. _"I can't wait until there's actually water and fish in it, Blaine"_ he had exclaimed excitedly but Blaine hadn't answered, too overcome with the radiance of Kurt's beauty once his face lit up with that smile of his. _God, he is so magnificent._

"You are intrigued. Who is this beautiful man on the other side of the glass?" Artie drones on and on, but Blaine doubts any of them are even listening. He knows both he and Kurt have seen this movie a million times and knows that scene like the back of their hands. They are moving in a perfect line on each side of the tank, staring at each other and he is not sure who starts it, but suddenly and just like in the movie they start leaning back and forth, pretending to make their reflections change shape and size. Naturally that effect won't actually be there until the water is added and even then the audience won't be close enough to see it, but they both seem intent on reenacting it anyway, just for the heck of it. It goes on for a while, then Kurt makes a sudden move closer to the glass, like Romeo did in the movie and Blaine without missing a beat giggles and jumps back, pretending to have been startled by it, just like Juliette did. Kurt smiles at his reaction and Blaine swallows hard. They are so in sync, it's scary. "Guys? What are you doing?" Artie's confused voice breaks though. "That wasn't scripted."

"Sorry, Artie." Kurt doesn't seem sorry at all. "I've always wanted to try that and I guess I kinda lured **my** Julian into it with me. Isn't that right, Blaine?" Kurt says as he walks around to Blaine's side of the tank. Blaine doesn't answer, again too overcome, this time with something Kurt said. _'My Julian.'_ Then his brain just takes it and runs with it before he can stop it. _Did he just_ _call me_ _ **his**_ _Julian. Romeo's Julian or Kurt's Julian? Does it mean something? Was he flirting? Is he trying to send me a hint? I would much rather be Kurt's Blaine. No, snap out of it. He is looking at you, waiting for you to answer._

"Ehh ummm...sure?" He says breathlessly, a red tint coating his cheeks – and damn it, why can't he be more articulate? Kurt is never gonna leave his probably _perfect_ fiance for someone who can't even speak in full sentences. He is acting like a fourteen year old school girl with a crush, blushing and over-thinking everything - not like a guy in his twenties. _Get it together, Anderson._

"Alright." Artie sighs. "I think that is enough for today. Why don't we break for a late dinner." Cheers are heard coming from the dark rows below the scene and it startles Blaine for a second. _Oh right, the rest of the cast is still here...aaaaandddd they just saw Kurt and I do the fish tank dance. Greeeeeat._

"That was fun." Kurt says as they walk out. "I totally forgot the cast was still here though."

"Me too." Blaine smiles, relieved that he wasn't the only one caught up in the moment.

"So." Kurt says. "Where do you wanna eat?" Blaine stops dead in his tracks. _Is he asking me to dinner?_ Apparently he is, because when Blaine looks his way, Kurt is just standing there looking like what he said was the most simple thing in the world. Like it wasn't a big deal to him. _Maybe is isn't_ , Blaine thinks and he feels his appetite vanishing as his stomach drops. Still, he accepts. He would never turn down dinner with _Kurt_.

"Um." Blaine starts. "I know this cosy diner on 88 2nd Avenue." Blaine doesn't notice how Kurt goes pale all of a sudden. "It's great, the food is not half bad and they have these singing waiters who performs for you - they're actually quite talented."

"No!" Kurt says, a little too quick and a little too loud and Blaine jumps. "Um. I mean...I don't feel like diner food. Gotta watch my figure." He continues, but Blaine thinks he looks a little flustered. He doesn't get it and decides to let it slide, even if Kurt is acting a bit...weird.

"There is nothing wrong with your figure." Is what comes out of his mouth instead and he would have face-palmed if Kurt wasn't standing right there, staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Blaine has to save this situation fast. "Errr, I mean...it wouldn't hurt anything if you gained a few pounds." And now it's Blaine's turn to pale.

"You calling me skinny?" Kurt raises an eyebrow. "Not enough muscle on me or something?" And Blaine is too panicky to recognize the teasing tone. _No no no no_ , this is not going well. "No! I didn't mean...no! Of course not, you're perfect just the way you are." _Great, Anderson. Just shut up. Like, right now!_ Beside him Kurt is blushing a lovely pink that probably matches the flaming red that is most likely covering Blaine's entire face right now. _Is it hot out here or is it just me?_ It is Kurt who collects himself first.

"Relax, I was joking Blaine. But thank you." The pink is still there, faintly...Blaine notices. "How about we go to a restaurant instead. I feel like eating real food." And he can tell Kurt is trying to sound casual about it, but the way he's acting kinda shy and can't look Blaine in the eye makes Blaine feel like he's being asked out on a date. _No! Not a date. Don't go there._

"Sure." He stutters out. "I could go for a steak."

"Great. It's settled then." Kurt smiles. "I know a nice place just a couple blocks from here. They have amazing chicken salads and the prices are not too steep."

They grab their coats and walk out of the theater side by side. As they begin the trek it's silent, it's not uncomfortable silence though. It's peaceful, but soon they are back to talking like old friends, laughing together - and they are walking so close that sometimes their hands brush – it feels almost like Kurt is doing it on purpose, but that surely has to be Blaine's imagination. Still - every time it happens all Blaine can think about is grabbing it and holding Kurt's hand. But of course, he doesn't, because Kurt's hand is not his to hold. Which becomes even more painfully obvious when as they make a turn, Kurt's engagement ring catches on the fabric of Blaine's coat and gets stuck.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Blaine says and doesn't look at the ring as Kurt tries to untangle himself. Instead he averts his eyes to the sky, trying to blink away the sudden onslaught of tears threatening to break through. He only just manages.

"Not your fault." Kurt says and to Blaine he sounds almost sad.

The walk is silent again after that, but this time there's a bit of awkwardness and Blaine hates it. How long have they walked anyway? He's been so caught up with Kurt that time has slipped away from him and he is just about to ask him how far it is when Kurt points to a place about 10 feet in front of them. "Revenir á la Nature" it says on the sign and Blaine remembers enough high school French to know it means "To get back to Nature." Underneath the first sign is a smaller one that says "Cafe and Restaurant."

"That's the place." Kurt says. And when they get closer Blaine can tell its a little bistro with light green walls, dark wooden floors with matching dark brown chairs that each have cute little dark green cushions on them. One of the walls are covered in a lovely forest wallpaper and big stunning framed pictures of different nature photographs covers the rest; woods, waterfalls, mountains, oceans and wild animals as far as the eye can see. There is even a built in medium fish tank underneath the counter and in one corner Blaine spots a stone sculpture with running water – the sound reminds him of a gurgling stream. The lighting is dimmed and intimate. It's a unique place and calm - which is unusual for fast paced New York. Blaine sees why Kurt likes it, he does too. They even have outdoor seating and Blaine can imagine sitting out there on a hot summer day, enjoying a good meal. Not tonight though, it's too cold for that.

He is brought back to the present by Kurt grabbing his arm and leading him to the counter. And Blaine's arm tingles, even after Kurt lets go. "I hope you like French food?" Kurt smiles as he rings the little bell on the table and Blaine just nods. Then a sweet looking older lady with graying blonde hair steps out to greet them. She looks to be in her mid fifties, by Blaine's estimate.

"Kurt!" She says in a French accent and walks around the counter to give him a hug. "Good to see you again." Blaine watches as Kurt hugs the woman back.

"I always come back, don't I Sally?" There's fondness in Kurt's voice and for a moment Blaine is jealous that it's not directed at him.

"Sure sure," Sally says. "But it seems like the visits become further and further apart."

"I'm a busy man. You know this."

"All work and no play makes Kurt a dull boy." Sally says cheekily.

"Yeah yeah." Kurt laughs and Blaine is brought back to the first moment he heard it, years ago, on a magic carpet ride in the sky. And okay, he needs to lay off the Disney movies for a while if thoughts like those are popping up randomly.

"All I am saying is, if you have to eat, might as well do it here." She smirks.

"You just want my money." Kurt smirks back.

"True, you caught me." They both laugh and only then seem to remember Blaine is standing right next to them. "Who is your friend?" Sally asks and Kurt quickly finds his manners.

"Oh, I am so sorry. Sally, this is Blaine, my..." he pauses for a second and Blaine holds his breath, then Kurt settles on... "Co-worker." Disappointment fills Blaine, he thought for sure that he had at least advanced to the friend stage by now. "Blaine, this is Sally. The owner of this place."

"So nice to meet you." Blaine says and extends his hand. "It's a great place you got here."

"Oh, I like this one. I can tell he was brought up well." Sally says while smirking at Kurt, who blushes. Blaine doesn't see because he is too focused on shaking her hand. "And thank you, young man. But just you wait until you taste the food."

"I'm looking forward to it." Blaine smiles and decides he really likes this woman.

"Good. Let me show you to your seats." She grabs a couple menu's from the counter and they follow her to a secluded area without other customers around to disturb them. Of course...with Blaine being the gentleman he is, he can't help but hold out the chair for Kurt, who manages a stuttered "thank you" and once again Blaine misses the little look exchange between Sally and Kurt as he does so.

The woman lights the tiny candle on the table before she leaves them to it and once again Blaine feels very much like he is on a date. His palms are sweaty and he wipes them on his jeans. _Not a date_ , he reminds himself again as he picks up the menu.

"I think I will definitely go with the chicken salad I mentioned." Kurt says after a while of browsing. "What about you?"

"The Buttermilk and coriander steak with salad looks good."

"Nice choice." Kurt says, then snaps his fingers, making Sally come running and Blaine cringes. He really hates when people do that to the waiters. Sally didn't seem bothered by it though and Kurt doesn't notice his disapproval as he is busy listing their orders. _Another time, another place_ , Blaine thinks.

"So. This is a cool place." Blaine says conversationally.

"Yeah, I saw you were quite taken with it." Kurt smiles. "I love it too, I kinda feel like I'm in the middle of nature and not a big bustling city when I come here, it's relaxing."

"I agree. So, how do you know Sally?" Blaine asks, curiosity getting the better at him, she doesn't seem like a person who moves in Kurt's circles.

"Well. Sally likes to get to know her regulars and I used to be a regular."

"Used to?" Blaine inquires.

"Yeah, when I just moved here, I found this place by pure coincidence. I was seeking refuge from a freak thunderstorm and stumbled in here. I loved it right away and it quickly became my hideout for studying when the loft got too crowded." Kurt then points to a table in the far corner. "Right there was where I did all my homework. I've burned a lot of midnight oil here." Kurt sighs then and Blaine hears a lot of nostalgia in his voice. It's clear that Kurt misses this place and it pains Blaine, because he wants Kurt to have everything he desires. He picked up on something else as well in that comment though.

"You live in a loft?"

"Again, used to. I don't anymore. Now I live in a 3 bedroom apartment with..." Kurt hesitates before continuing... "My boyfri...I mean, fiance." He corrects himself, glancing down at his ring. Blaine's heart stings.

"Oh." He can't really think of anything else to say and luckily he is saved from doing so, because Sally is back with their food. They thank her and dig in and Blaine is impressed.

"Oh wow. This is amazing."

"Told ya." They both jump as Sally pops up behind them with their drinks. "Here you go." She winks at Blaine before walking away again.

"Jesus." Blaine grabs his heart.

"Yeah, quite the ninja, that one." Kurt says looking a bit amused. "You get used to it."

"You're not used to it, I saw you jump." Blaine accuses teasingly.

"That doesn't count, I haven't been here in a while, so I am out of practice." Kurt defends, teasing back.

"Excuses, excuses." Blaine tsk's and Kurt laughs. It's just the best sound in the world, even better when Blaine is the reason for it. "We should come here again then, I mean...to get used to her."

"Yes, we should." Kurt is staring intensely at him again and Blaine can't help but stare back.

"Great." He says looking down at his dish to take another bite. "It's a date." Another slip of the tongue. Damn it. He needs to get that under control. He really hopes Kurt won't take it the wrong way, it's just a figure of speech. Totally, that's all it is. _Not a date._

When Kurt doesn't say anything, he dares look up and is met with a look so intense, that he can't look away. He holds Kurt's swirling greenish gaze steadily while breathing heavily and it feels very much like what happened on the stage when they saw each other for the first time - he wonders if the same would happen if they didn't have a table between them right now. Five seconds go by, then eight, then... "It's a date." Kurt agrees, then looks back down to his dinner and the tension breaks. _What the hell was that?!_

They finish their dinner like nothing just happened and Blaine can't help but think they do that too often. He wants to ask Kurt straight up what it all means, he wants answers to questions he has had for years, but he lacks the courage to ask them. He doesn't wanna scare Kurt away or make it too awkward to work together. Maybe after the show is done, he will get his answers, but not now.

"So where do you live?" Kurt asks out of the blue.

"I have a 2 bedroom apartment with two other guys."

"Two bedrooms, but three people?" Kurt points out. "That's crowded, are one of you sleeping on the couch or are two of you like...together?" _Is he fishing for my dating status?_ Blaine wonders.

"I have my own room. Nick and Jeff are together though."

"Ah." Kurt nods like he has suddenly realized something. Blaine finds it weird how he doesn't ask more about his friends, it's almost like Kurt seems to already know them. So he elaborates himself.

"We call them Niff. They have been together since high school and are disgustingly cute."

"That's nice. Who is we?"

"Just another buddy of mine. He doesn't live there, but he hangs out there all the time anyway."

"Someone special?" Kurt asks, not meeting his eye and again Blaine can tell Kurt is going for casual but not actually succeeding. It's confusing. Kurt is engaged, _why does he have any interest in my dating life?_

"God no." Blaine cringes at the thought of being romantically involved with Sebastian. "I mean, we used to hook up, he was my first actually, but all that was and ever will be, is sex. Nothing else. It hasn't happened in a while anyway and probably won't happen again. Lately he has seemed smitten with someone else. Which is actually quite unusual for Seb." That makes Kurt take notice.

"Seb? What kind of name is that?"

"It's short for Sebastian." Kurt pauses at that and Blaine doesn't understand why. "He's a bit of an ass, until you really get to know him. Then he is fiercely loyal." Blaine smiles, Seb is more than meets the eye and he was glad he took the time to read his book, instead of just judging by his cover. He continues. "Granted, he is blunt in his honesty, but at least you can always be sure he will tell you the truth and that is pretty rare in people these days, most people just tell you what they think you want to hear. Not Seb. Unfortunately he doesn't let a lot of people see his true self."

Kurt just watches him talk, looking like a man who is putting a puzzle together in his head while not quite seeing the full picture. His brows scrunches, then he shakes his head and Blaine wonders what that is all about.

"Hmm. He seems like a complicated person." Kurt says.

"Not really, I think." Blaine says. "But I must admit, that for a romantic like me, he does have a strange view on relationships. Sex without feelings, that's his thing. Hooks up a lot."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I have a friend like that too." Kurt says. "He is all pro free love and all that, insanely gorgeous too, it seems everyone always falls head over heels for him and lets just say he takes plenty advantage of that."

"Everyone?" Blaine prods, feeling his jealousy flare. Kurt must pick up on his tone, because he is quick to put Blaine's suspicions to rest.

"Gosh, no. Not me, Blaine." Kurt actually seems to find the concept hilarious which puts Blaine at ease. "Unlike you I don't sleep with my friends." It's not accusatory. "Elliott and I have never hooked up and never will." Somewhere in the back of Blaine's mind something tingles at the mention of the name Elliott, but he can't pin it down.

"I see." Blaine says. "It's probably a good policy actually. Otherwise those relationships can easily get messy if you're not on the same page."

"That's true." Kurt says. "If you venture into the friends with benefits situation, you really need to be sure where you stand with each other."

"Yeah." Blaine agrees. "And let me assure you, Sebastian is always up front with everyone he is with. He actually has this ridiculous line he always uses."

"Oh? Do tell."

"I don't wanna say. It really doesn't paint my friend in the best light."

"Oh come on, you can't mention something like that and then not share." Kurt pouts and Blaine caves.

"OK, but promise not to laugh."

"I promise, cross my heart, hope to die." Kurt actually makes the hand gesture and Blaine laughs.

"How old are you? Ten?"

"Just spill it, Blaine." Kurt sticks his tongue out at him. "And put me out of my misery, what does you friend say? The suspense is killing me."

"Fine fine. Drama queen." Blaine smiles and Kurt smiles back. "Okay, so whenever he approaches a guy, he lays his less than honorable intentions on the line and then he finishes with: "Just don't fall in love with me and we're good." Blaine rolls his eyes, but fondly. "Can you believe that?" Silence. _Well, at least he is not laughing_ , Blaine thinks.

When he looks back at Kurt though, the man has gone ghost white and his mouth is hanging slightly open. Blaine instantly becomes worried. Kurt seems frozen until he manages to close his mouth and whisper something under his breath that Blaine can't make out. "Hey, Kurt. You okay?"

"You're 'Sex on a stick'." That's all that comes from Kurt's lips, five small words as he keep staring at Blaine like he is in shock - and okay, what he just said is both really disturbing, kinda hot and not helpful - all at once.

"Excuse me. What?" Blaine blinks.

"I have to go." Kurt says and he abruptly gets up to put on his jacket while Blaine just continues to gape like a fish. "This will pay for my half." Kurt throws some money on the table and turns to leave.

"Kurt, wait!" Blaine stands up too and walks after him. "What's going on?" Kurt doesn't answer, just continues to head for the door. He storms past Sally who looks as confused as Blaine feels. "Kurt!?" He tries to grab Kurt's arm gently to stop him, but the other man just pulls away, although he does give Blaine enough respect to turn around and say: "I'll see you tomorrow at the theater. Thanks for dinner. I had a lovely time." Then he is out the door, leaving Blaine standing there alone with all the other guests and Sally staring at him. Slowly he turns around and walks back to the table to grab his things and the money Kurt left behind.

"What did you do?" Sally asks when he walks up to pay, she seems stunned. "I have never seen him act like that." Blaine sighs, he is just as much in the dark as her. "I really wish I knew. Honestly, Blaine feels clueless.

 _What on Earth did I say?_


	11. Chapter 11

**Author note: Hah, you probably thought I gave up, didn't you? But you were wrong. I bring you chapter 11. They are really adding up now :)**

* * *

Kurt storms out of the restaurant, haphazardly crossing the street. Cars honk, but he doesn't care. He can hear Blaine calling his name from somewhere behind him. _Of course he would come after me_ , Kurt thinks. It's just such a Blaine thing to do. Because Blaine cares and it was clear something was wrong with the way he abruptly walked out on him and their dinner.

Kurt curses himself, for an actor he really should have been able to, you know... _act_...like nothing was wrong. He can't do that though. He just can't deal with Blaine right now so he dodges into an alley, hoping his pursuer is far enough behind him that he won't notice. It only takes a few minutes until he sees Blaine run by the alley and stopping to look around. Kurt can see him from where he is hiding behind a dumpster, but he is pretty sure Blaine can't see him.

He feels so childish hiding in the shadows instead of just confronting Blaine as an adult - about what he's just realized. He is certain Blaine hasn't figured it out yet and Kurt is not proud of how long it took himself to put two and two together.

 _Blaine knows Sebastian._

 _Sebastian is dating Elliott, well...kinda._

 _And Elliott is none other than Kurt's best friend._

 _Their two friends are dating or at least hooking up._

Which means the very careful barrier Kurt has put between Blaine and Elliott and by extension Blake - is bound to crumble at some point. And that can't happen. Those two worlds can under no circumstances collide. He is not ready for it. At least not yet. The second that happens, it will be obvious to _everyone_ what's going on.

You see, there is this little thing he's been leaving out of the whole Blaine story; none of his friends actually knows what Blaine looks like. Which means that as soon as they lay eyes on him, they are gonna see Blake's twin and he will be humiliated and exposed as the weirdo he is. What would Blaine think?

 _He would find you pathetic._

And how long would it take one of his friends to spill the beans to Blake? He wouldn't put it past Santana to do it on purpose. And then what?

 _You will lose the both of them._

Kurt's head is spinning with doomsday scenarios.

"Kurt?!"

 _Blaine._

"Kuuuuuurt?!"

 _Leave me alone._

"KURT!?"

 _Please, go._

He watches as Blaine looks up and down the street again before giving a loud sigh, putting his hands in his pockets and walking away with his head bowed. Kurt absolutely aches to run out and call him back, but he doesn't. Instead, as soon as Blaine is out of sight, he stands back up from his crouching position and leans back against the wall, not really caring about the condition of his coat even though it's McQueen. He closes his eyes, takes a few deep breaths. That's when it hits him and he suddenly feels nauseous. He bends over and throws his newly digested chicken salad up all over the concrete. _Ugh._

If Blaine is "Sex on a stick", that means...Meercat has been with Blaine. Elliott's douche-bag of a "boyfriend" has seen Blaine naked. Touched him, tasted him, heard him moan. **HIS BLAINE!** _Oh wow, okay...where did that come from?_ Blaine is not his, he has to remind himself. Blaine did not cheat on him with Sebastian. Still, Kurt feels cheated on. And one thing is for sure. If he disliked this Sebastian guy before, then he hates him now. Loathes him with his whole being. No matter how irrational it is. Because he was Blaine's first.

He spits a few times, trying to rid his mouth of the acidic taste and not succeeding. Instead he fishes up some napkins from his pocket, thankful that he always carries some around. You just never know when you will need to save an expensive piece of clothing from an accidental spill.

He looks up at the sky, wondering what Blaine is thinking about him right now, then throws the dirty napkins in the dumpster and makes his way home.

* * *

As soon as Blaine walks in door he is assaulted by the sound of gunfire as well as yelling and rolls his eyes. As he rounds the corner he comes face to face with exactly what he expected; Sebastian and Niff in the middle of an "epic" Call of Duty battle. Because as Jeff always says "They are all epic, Blaine!" Right.

He leans against the door-frame for a while, his friends with their backs to him, completely oblivious to his presence and smiles as he sees Jeff sneakily go for Seb's controller. He already knows how this is gonna end. Everyone knows that Seb seems to have 360 vision, Jeff doesn't stand a chance and Blaine wonders how he hasn't figured that out by now. Just as he expected, Seb sees the blonde advance out the corner of his eye and moves his hand away just as Jeff pounces.

"Nicky. Get a hold of your little cheater, would ya." Seb casually quips as he shoots Jeff's character dead without even moving his eyes from the screen.

"Dammit Seb, again?!" Jeff mutters and throws the controller to the side with a big sigh.

"I am not his keeper." Nick says, his tongue sticking out in concentration as his fingers move at record speed over his own controller. He is gonna beat Seb this time even if it kills him, figuratively speaking...for the thousand time. The battle continues for a while, then he feels his boyfriend settle at his side.

"Go babe, you can take him." Jeff whispers in his ear. "I believe in you." A lick to the earlobe and fuck, that is distracting. Nick's brain seems to short-circuit for a split second but that's all the time Seb needs to blow him up.

"And that, gentlemen." Seb breathes with a satisfied smirk. "Is how it's done."

"Look what you did." Nick pouts at Jeff, who just looks innocently back at him.

"I was bored." Jeff flutters his eyelashes like its not big deal and then whines. "You weren't paying attention to me." He falls dramatically to the floor.

"You can't just decide to distract me because you're bored, hon." Nick rolls his eyes and places his socked feet on top of Jeff's face. "Eww, gross!" Jeff pushes them away. "You were never gonna beat him anyway."

"Excuse you." Nick throws a pillow at him, which Jeff catches, then proceeds to hit Sebastian with it, repeatedly.

"Hey, leave me out of your little lovers quarrel!" Seb glares.

"That is for blowing up my boyfriend."

"It's not my problem if you guys suck at COD. And lets face it, you do. Why else would I be the reigning champion?" Seb lifts a brow challengingly and Blaine is momentarily blindsided by what a Kurt move that is. His surprise doesn't last long though, because...oh, now Sebastian's done it.

All three guys stare at each other and Blaine makes a countdown in his head; _5, 4, 3, 2, 1_...the moment he reaches zero Jeff lets out what can only be described as a battle cry and lounges at Sebastian who grabs his own pillow. A literal pillow fight ensues and Blaine chuckles under his breath. Sometimes his friends act more like five year old's and not grown men. But that's why he loves them.

However, as entertaining as this is, he reluctantly decides to make his presence known before they smash something. After all, he doesn't want a repeat of "Vase-gate" when Jeff and Seb broke Nick's grandmother's old vase, a precious air-loom on Thanksgiving day during another impromptu COD session and they had to glue it back together before she arrived for dinner. Luckily, said grandmother remains blissfully in the dark...but honestly, Blaine is still amazed they pulled that one off.

"Guys. Please try not to tear the living room apart." A smile plays on his lips as his three friends freeze mid-motion. Sebastian is on the floor, holding Nick trapped with his long legs and whipping him over and over with his pillow, while Jeff is positioned on top of him, arms raised and pillow ready to strike. They all turn their heads at the same time - and faster than Blaine thought possible, Jeff is up and bouncing over to him, hugging him.

"Blaine!" He hugs him back wholeheartedly. Sebastian and Nick follows more subdued, but both hug him as well. And not that "bro slap" on the back that Blaine never liked, but real warm hugs. Hugs that says; "I love you man. And I am not afraid to show it." Blaine loves it. But then again, he always were touchy feely.

"You're home late." Sebastian comments when later on they settle down with a beer on the couch to watch Niff play Mario Cart, a game that is much more to their liking. Probably because they are actually good at it.

"Yeah, I had dinner with someone." Blaine says, cryptically and the furrowed brow on his friend does not go unnoticed. Something is going on, Sebastian knows it, because...

"You never have dinner with anyone, except for us." He states and gestures to the current company.

"Sure, I do." Blaine tries and he can tell by the way Jeff sits up on the floor that he is listening in on their conversation.

"You don't."

"You really don't." Jeff pipes in and Blaine glares. "Stay out of this."

"Who was it?"

"Just a friend."

"What friend? All your friends are in this room."

"They are not." Blaine denies. "There's...Mark from class. And um...Sarah from the coffee shop."

"Right, Mark is your tutor and Sarah is the barista. Try again."

"Sebastian." Blaine sighs. _Please leave it alone._

"Blaine." Seb counters.

"Just tell him, already." Jeff exclaims and Blaine kicks him with his foot. "Ouch, that hurt."

"Tell me what?" Sebastian asks and Blaine remains silent, unfortunately Jeff doesn't.

"Blaine met Kurt. **The** Kurt."

"Shut up, Jeff!" No one is paying attention to Blaine anymore though. Instead Sebastian has turned towards Jeff, apparently realizing that his best bet at getting information is through the blonde.

"Kurt?" Seb says. "The Kurt he has been pining over for years? That Kurt?"

"Yes!" Jeff again. "And guess what, he is engaged to another guy. But here is the real kicker. Remember that play that Blaine is doing? Romeo and Julian?"

"Yeah? Blaine is playing Julian, right?"

"Aha, guess who is playing Romeo?" A quick second of suspension. "Kurt!"

"Jeff! What the hell?!" Blaine glares.

"Sorry, but it would have taken you ages to get there and your conversation was much too exhausting to eavesdrop on."

"Then don't eavesdrop."

"Awh, Blainers. You know that's not how it works." Jeff smiles sweetly at him.

"So everyone knew before me?" Sebastian asks undignified.

"Yup." Nick confirms and Sebastian scowls at not being in the know.

"So dinner you say." Jeff comments, ignoring Blaine's glare and Sebastian moping in the chair. "Whose idea was that?"

"His, actually." Blaine blushes and goes on a rant. "He took me to this quirky bistro with a nature theme. I have never seen anything like it. The food was magnificent. And Kurt actually introduced me to the owner; Sally. She was very sweet. But what I liked most about it all was that clearly, it was a special place to him and he wanted to share it with me. Isn't that great?"

Blaine doesn't know it but he is getting that dreamy expression on his face where his eyes shine and his lips smile and he looks like an enamored puppy floating on a big pink cloud in the sky. His friends know they have to reel him back down to Earth, fast.

"Blaine." Jeff tries. "It wasn't a date."

"I know that." Blaine says, confused.

"Your head knows that, but does your heart?" Jeff asks. "Because from the way you look and sound right now, anyone would assume you just came back from a perfect date."

"Oh." Blaine's face falls. "Sorry."

"All Jeff is trying to say, is maybe...try not to get too excited about small things." Nick says.

"No, yeah...sure. I get it. It wasn't perfect though." He pauses, then continues. "Well, at first it kinda was, being with him was just effortless. But then..." Blaine sighs and a flash of pain crosses his face. They all see it.

"But then?" Seb prods, eyes flashing...already ready to track down this Kurt and teach him a lesson, if he's hurt his friend.

"He just...he...ran out on me." Blaine says. "One minute everything was fine and the next, he was pale as a ghost and he just took off, wouldn't even look at me or tell me what was wrong."

"I'm sorry, Blaine." Jeff puts a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "That wasn't cool."

"Jeff is right, that's really weird behavior." Nick says.

"I know. And when I tried to go after him, he ignored me. It wasn't like him at all and it kinda...stung."

"Not like him, my ass." Seb sneers and they all look at him in shock, Sebastian rolls his eyes at their obliviousness. "Excuse me, but didn't he just spend the last 4 years ignoring you, Blaine? Or pretending you didn't exist. He sounds like a first class ass to me. And I know saying that is kinda hypocritical of me, considering. But at least I am always upfront about my intentions when I meet someone. He's obviously not. He just plays with people, apparently."

"SEB!" Jeff warns. "Shut up. You don't even know him."

"And you do?" Seb counters.

"No, Jeff. It's okay. I appreciate the honesty. He is right." Blaine admits. "That is not how a friend should act. It was really absurd and childish and...hurtful. But from what I know of Kurt, it was also really out of character."

"Maybe there is an explanation then?" Jeff asks.

"I agree with Jeff. Are you sure it wasn't something you said?" Nick asks. "Normal people don't just run out on others like that without reason."

"There has to be. I just don't know what it could be. As I said, we were just talking."

"About?" Seb joins back in, seemingly deciding to give Kurt the benefit of the doubt. Jeff smiles at him approvingly, Seb throws another pillow at him and rolls his eyes when Nick dives in front of Jeff to take the hit for his boyfriend.

"Well, as a matter of fact...you, actually." Blaine says and looks at Sebastian.

"Me?" Seb raises and eyebrow. "How in the word would I, of all people, be a topic of discussion?"

"Ummm." Blaine hesitates and Seb picks up on it right away.

"Blaaaaaine, what did you tell him about me?"

"Okay, look...first of all...it was not like I was bashing you or anything, but we got to talking about friends with benefits and how complicated those relationships could be and I just mentioned you, because well... I used to be in one, with you - and I may have told him your pick-up line."

"Really, Blaine?" Sebastian looks very unimpressed. "You felt it necessary to divulge that to someone I don't know and who has never met me?"

"He dragged it out of me, I swear. I didn't want to say it, but then I kinda brought it up myself and then he wouldn't let it go and then I just...yeah, that happened."

"Umm hm." Sebastian just looks at him and Blaine feels scrutinized under that look. He starts sweating.

"Look, I'm sorry. It will never happen again. Not only because it somehow blew up in my face, but also because it wasn't my place to tell. Believe me, I have learned my lesson."

"Relax, Blaine. I am not mad." Seb says. "Surprised. But not mad. I've never tried to hide who I am and I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I am fine with him knowing."

"Oh, okay. Good. I mean, not good, but...ya know...good. That you're good...with it. Um..." Blaine looks at his hands nervously, still not sure if he is really forgiven.

"Blaine?" Seb sighs.

"Yeah?" Blaine looks up, deep hazel meeting sparkling green.

"Stop rambling. I know how you get when you think we're on the outs. We're fine, I swear. I really don't care. Okay?" Seb gives him a half smile and Blaine smiles back. He has always admired how laid back Sebastian seems to be.

"Okay." They share a look and Jeff, observing their little exchange from the sidelines with Nick, beams.

"Awwwwh, you guys. That was adorable, bro hug?" He is hit by two pillows simultaneously and not even Nick tries to save him this time. Jeff squeaks.

"What I still don't get." Sebastian says a few minutes later. "Is why he would react to my pick-up line by ditching you? That is a damn good pick-up line, if I do say so myself."

"I usually make it a habit to _not_ agree on anything Seb says, but I am with him on this." Nick butts in. "Why would that affect him so much?"

"It's strange." Jeff agrees. "I don't get it either. Did anything else happen?"

"Well, he did say something very...random, before he left the table." All three boys are looking at him expectantly, so he continues. "He said and I quote; 'You're sex on a stick'..." Blaine blushes hard.

"Wait, what?" Jeff pauses and looks knowingly at Seb, who has gone really pale. Nick is looking in Seb's direction too. Blaine doesn't notice.

"That was my exact reaction!" Blaine starts gesturing wildly with his hands. "I was like 'Um, what?' What is that even supposed to mean?! Who even says that?"

"Why don't you ask Sebastian that?" Nick says.

"Huh?" Blaine's eyebrows scrunches up. "Why would I...?" He looks at Sebastian, takes in his paleness...and is that...sweat on his forehead? "Sebastian?"

"Um...it's kinda a thing _I_ say. It's to describe a hot man who is good in bed. I said it to you once, but I am not surprised you don't remember. It was the first night we hooked up and you were pretty drunk."

"Wait..." Blaine freezes. Thinks hard. Something is coming back to him. A memory. Vague as it is, he remembers now.

" _It's no secret how I feel about you. It should be obvious by now that I think you are sex on a stick."_

"No. It can't be..." Blaine breathes and looks up at his friend with betrayal written all over his face. His friends all looks startled by it, but he doesn't notice. Blaine has tunnel vision and suddenly he is seeing red. Before he realizes what he is doing, he is out of his chair and jumping Sebastian, hitting him square in the face.

"YOU BASTARD!" He sneers as he lands blow after blow. "HOW COULD YOU!?"

"JEFF! NICK! GET HIM OFF ME!" Sebastian is desperately trying to block the attack which is difficult seeing as Blaine is an experienced boxer. He can't even get a hit in himself, not that he would ever hit Blaine. But he is confused about what the hell just happened.

"Whoa, Blaine! Stop!" Nick and Jeff are both up in no time at all, trying to drag a very pissed off Blaine away from Sebastian.

"HE WAS MINE!" Blaine growls and keeps on hitting.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?" Sebastian yells back as he keeps trying to avoid the punches coming his way at an alarming rate.

"YOU SLEPT WITH KURT!" Blaine barks. At this point Niff has finally managed to get a hold of both of Blaine's arms, effectively stopping him and holding him back.

"I...what?!" Sebastian looks genuinely perplexed. "No, I didn't. Why would you think that?"

"DON'T EVEN TRY TO DENY IT, YOU ASSHOLE!" Blaine looks ready to kill him and Sebastian is really grateful for the presence of Niff right now. He couldn't take Blaine on a good day, let alone when he is fueled by rage. Blaine made sure no one would ever be able to hurt him like that again after his gay-bashing.

"IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!" Blaine continues, eyes wide with anger. "YOU PROBABLY CALLED HIM SEX ON A STICK TOO AND USED THE SAME PICK-UP LINE ON HIM, DIDN'T YOU!?"

"What, are you insane!?" Sebastian says. "I have no idea what you are taking about. For God's sake Blaine."

"YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT!" Blaine makes another attempt to break loose, but is not successful. Instead he settles for more yelling. "HOW ELSE WOULD HE KNOW YOU SAY THAT TO PEOPLE YOU WANNA SLEEP WITH!? WHY ELSE WOULD THAT FREAK HIM OUT!?"

"I...I'm..." Sebastian is at a loss for words, because what Blaine says makes sense. But he also knows it's not true. "I don't know, okay!? I have no idea how he knows, but I swear, I have never slept with anyone named Kurt...I have never met anyone by that name. The only Kurt I know, is _your_ Kurt...who I have never even laid eyes on."

"WELL, HE SURE SEEMS TO KNOW A LOT ABOUT YOU!" Blaine sneers, still vibrating anger.

"Okay." Jeff interrupts. "I think we need a time-out. Nick, why don't you take Sebastian to the bathroom and get that eye looked at?" He gestures to Sebastian who only just realizes in that moment that he has a gash above his left eye that is bleeding. "And I'll stay out here with Blaine and help him calm down."

Sebastian slowly rises from the chair and makes a big circle around Blaine and Jeff as Nick leads him away. As soon as the door closes, Jeff is on Blaine.

"What the fuck was that, Blaine!?"

"He deserved it. He had it coming!"

"No one has that coming. I don't care how angry you are, you don't hit people!"

"Easy to say for someone who has never been a target!"

"He is your FRIEND, Blaine. Not your attacker. He didn't try to hurt you!"

"He did hurt me! He slept with Kurt. MY KURT!"

"Do you even hear yourself? First of all, you don't know that for sure, Sebastian says he didn't and I for one believe him. He looked really shocked by the accusation. Second of all...Kurt is _not_ yours. Get that through your head. You two may have had a fling 4 years ago, but Kurt belongs to someone else for the time being and you just flew into a jealous rage over a guy who is not even your boyfriend. And third, even if Sebastian had slept with your Kurt - which I guarantee you, he would never have done _knowingly_ , because that guy you just beat to a pulp may have his flaws, but he adores you, Blaine – _however_ , even _if_ that had happened, it would be none of your business."

By the time Jeff is done with his speech, Blaine looks properly chastised.

"Oh my God, what did I just do?" Blaine slumps back down in his chair. "I didn't mean to...I mean, I did but...I didn't...I just got so angry."

"I think maybe it's time to get back into that anger management program again, Blaine."

"I haven't been to anger management since I was sixteen."

"I know, but I think all this stress with school and the play and Kurt is making your temper flare up again and the boxing is clearly not enough right now."

"I thought this was behind me, Jeff. I thought I was cured." Blaine sighs.

"I don't know if something like that can ever be cured. You went through something no one should ever experience. You came face to face with pure hate when you were just fourteen and not only did you never really get closure, because they were never caught. You lost your best friend at the time too. That changes a person. I didn't know you back then, but I will venture a guess that you have not been the same since. It only makes sense that you would still be carrying a lot of resentment around with you, because of that and then when you get mad, that's the source you tap into."

"You are probably right. I don't know what happened, I don't remember, I just snapped. But I want to get over it. I really do."

"I know. But that is not something you just get over, Blaine. Not on your own."

"Obviously not." He lets out a long breath just as the door to the bathroom opens and Nick steps out. Blaine jumps up instantly. "Nick, is he...is...Sebastian okay?"

"He will be fine. A small cut and a black eye." Nick explains. "I was on my way to the kitchen for some ice to put on it."

"Oh, thank God." Blaine breathes a sigh of relief that he didn't completely rearrange Seb's face. He honestly don't know what got into him, it was just white hot anger mixed with insane jealousy and what he thought was his friend betraying him. It didn't excuse it though. Jeff was right, he had hurt someone, a friend - and he needed to go back to therapy. He is sitting hunched over with his head in his hands, caught in his own web of despair, when he feels a hand on his back. It's Nick, ice pack in hand.

"Listen. He doesn't blame you, okay?" Nick says. "He knows that wasn't really you in that moment, but he also understands why you reacted like that, thinking what you thought. We all do. Don't sweat it."

That's the moment Blaine breaks down and starts crying. Because despite everything he has just done, his friends are still showing him support. He doesn't deserve them, but he is so glad he has them. Jeff is back by his side, comforting him again and that is one of the things he likes most about Jeff. He is never afraid to say it like it is when he thinks you've screwed up, but at the same time he will never abandon you for it either. When Blaine hears the door to the bathroom open again, he wipes his eyes and looks up, right at Sebastian, who is standing there with a band-aid on his forehead and an ice pack pressed to his eye, looking a little wary.

"Sebastian." Blaine breathes.

"Blaine." Seb nods. "Are you... _you_...again?"

"I'm...I'm...oh God, Seb. I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

"I'll take that as a yes, then and your apology is accepted, but you owe me. Maybe you can pay me back with a little role-playing...I can be the hot patient and you can be the sexy doctor who nurses me back to health." Seb smirks and Blaine can't believe he is joking at a time like this, but it is just so Sebastian.

"You are just...unreal." Blaine says and it's followed by a wet laugh as he leans his head back on the chair.

"I know." Sebastian winks and Blaine knows that somehow, everything is okay. He doesn't know how Seb manages to brush things off like that. But he is glad he does. "I hope I get a scar." Sebastian continues as he points to the cut. "Men love scars." Now everyone is laughing. "Anyway, I brought you this." Blaine only just manages to catch whatever Seb's thrown at him. Turns out to be a wash cloth and sanitizer. "For your hands."

 _Oh._ Blaine hadn't even noticed his knuckles were bleeding and he takes the stuff gratefully. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Sebastian sits down on the couch opposite Blaine and Jeff. Nick sits down next to him. "Now that's over, we need to get to the bottom of this Kurt mystery. What else can you tell me about him, Blaine? What else did you talk about? I need details."

"I don't really know what else to tell you, Seb. I don't know how he would know the stuff he knows about you, if you two have never met. And I believe you when you say you haven't."

"Maybe he has something against people who sleep around and that's what made him upset?" Nick suggests.

"It wouldn't explain how he knows what Sebastian calls the men he sleeps with and..." He is interrupted by Sebastian then.

"The only one I have ever called that...was you, Blaine. Just you."

"Calls _me_ , then. "Blaine corrects. "And please stop doing that, Seb. It's kinda gross." He adds to which Seb just shrugs. "Anyway, I don't see how that would upset him given the fact that he has a best friend who from what I gather, does pretty much the same thing. It would be super hypocritical of him considering Elliott's kinda like Sebastian."

"What did you say?" Sebastian sputters, mouth open.

"What?" Blaine asks. "What did I say?"

"The name, Blaine." Jeff presses. "The name of Kurt's friend. Did you just say his name was..."

"Elliott." Blaine breathes and looks at Sebastian, the pieces slotting together. "Your Elliott...didn't he tell you something about the play I am in?"

"Yes. He mentioned he had a friend who auditioned for the same play." Seb confirms.

"That has to be it. Your boyfriend, Elliott and Kurt's bestie, Elliott - it's the same guy!" Blaine almost yells in his excitement over finally completing the puzzle.

"Wow." Jeff is stunned.

"The world just got a whole lot smaller." Nick whispers.

"Indeed." Seb concurs. Too shocked to realize he didn't even deny the boyfriend part.

"Um. Blaine." Jeff says after a while. "You do realize that during your dinner with Kurt, you basically outed Sebastian as a man-whoring slut who doesn't give a shit about anyone he sleeps with, right? And that Kurt now most likely thinks _your_ friend is playing _his_ friend - and that's probably why he left."

The silence that follows is deafening.

"...shit." Blaine smashes his head down on the table.

Why does he have such a big mouth?

 _Idiot, idiot, idiot!_


End file.
